Submitting

Rush

I was holding a knife. A blunt, serrated, steel knife with a smooth shiny surface. My reflection a slight blur on top of it, as it glinted in the bright kitchen. Sunlight streamed in through the glass panes of the windows, a nostalgic warmth that I didn't know I would miss so much. The normality of the situation as well, as I dragged the cold knife against the smoking hot pancakes to cut a more manageable piece that I could chew inside my mouth. The taste of it melting against my tongue like the butter it was smeared in. A perfect balance of sweetness and texture.

The clatter of knives and forks was the only thing that kept the silence dead in the kitchen and the whole house. The lively noise that made the atmosphere seem like it is dwelt in, otherwise the lack of Ivan and his nosiness wouldn't have been distinguishable as it was most of the time. This was a change from the mundane routine and I couldn't help but confess that I liked it more in comparison to being shut in that room all day with the ceiling as my sole choice of focus.

Dimitri liked the pancakes. I could tell he did as he took another serve of it from the plate on which the rest of them were kept and used butter again to have it with. It made me feel a little proud, he seemed to appreciate what little bit of cooking I could do.

"We could have this more often, I think." I frowned as I dropped my eyes down to my plate and started to cut another piece, trying very hard to not look at him. Perhaps it was a bad idea after all, trying to test the waters now and how far I have been able to warm it up. 

"That would be nice, until Ivan comes back of course." My movements ceased briefly, but I tried to pull out of the shock as quickly as I could. He finally did acknowledge Ivan's absence with actual words which he hadn't before. It was just an assumption that I had because I wasn't too sure. For all I knew, he could have been with Liza in that place, downstairs, underground, or I don't know what else to call that space. 

"Any idea when that might be?" I silently prayed to God for making it seem like I was trying to just have a casual conversation with him instead of prying for information. Dimitri was no fool, he knew already.

"Soon." I could sense him trying to pull out of the topic, but I didn't want it. Again, he knew what was going on, so he interrupted me before I could utter a word from my already open mouth. "What would you like to have for dinner?" 

He was very good at what he did. Manipulation. Control over another's mind.

"I-I don't know." It was the first time I had been asked of my opinion on something. Such a strange feeling, unknown too. After being with these two men for so long, I almost forgot what it was like to have a say in matters or how it felt to have opinions that were acknowledged by others. Or maybe I just didn't care any more.

"Anything, whatever first comes to mind." He took another bite of his pancake, unaware of my fisted hands clenching the fork in one and the knife in another. Nothing, absolutely nothing came to mind that I could use as an answer. This whole time I have been here, I have wanted nothing more than freedom for not only myself but Liza too, from these two men who somehow have the astronomical ability to turn a blind eye to the morality of the whole situation.

Liza used to like Cheesecake.

"A baked vanilla and raspberry cheesecake." Liza always had a sick sweet tooth which she couldn't shake off no matter how much she tried. So many resolutions, so many detoxes and diets that only ever got spoken of without any practical application. She used to ask me to slap her or snatch the food away from her if I ever saw the act of guilty pleasure taking place. I knew it was all in vain since  almost all her meals throughout the day were desserts or mildly sweet. One of those weird things I liked about her.

Dimitri chuckled. A low rumble as he smiled a rare smile and stabbed a piece of sliced pancake with the fork. 

"A proper meal consists of proper proportions of nutritional elements. A cheesecake hardly cuts out as dinner, I think. I suppose, if you really can't decide then I will take the matter into my hands and try to order something that suits your taste." Order.