ALPHA GREY (Re-written)

Chapter 27

"Resilience is knowing that you are the only one that has the power and responsibility to pick yourself up."

Routine.

It serves as a much-needed remainder that I should revert back to self-care. To some, routine may seem like the grave of the human spirit, for me, it is the anchor that grounds my sanity. Every day I wake up, shower, go to the in-house gym and then join the rest of the pack for breakfast. I still catch some people staring at me here and there, but things have gotten a little more bearable. I'm no longer seen as the captive unicorn that refuses to leave its cage though freedom is within reach. Small steps every day. 

Only at night am I reminded of what I seek to escape. Insomnia has become my new normal albeit I find that the more spent I am before bed, the easier it seems to doze off. So, I overexert myself, working-out till my limbs give out, welcoming the soothing pain for a greater torment lies in being still. Though futile, I still fight to stay awake, to stay afloat so that I may grasp onto the light when the darkness comes.

The terrors, each more vicious than the last, are a passage way to a dimension cloaked with darkness, concealing secrets hidden in the darkest corners of my subconscious – secrets I fail to unveil. Each day came a new puzzle piece that only served to aggravate my confusion. Clearly there is much I am yet to known about myself and my roots. One question persists.

What am I really?

***

"Earth to Bly"

The sound of Jason's voice snaps me out of my trance. I had been lost, my mind far though my body sits quietly on the bench beside him, looking lacklustre at the scenery before us. We'd decided to settle on a bench and take in the greenery and splashes of colour from the flower beds after our customary morning walk.

"Hey. Are you still with me?" His voice is soft with concern.

"Physically Yes. Mentally, I am afraid I may be elsewhere." I admit.

"Still worried about Greyson?"

"I just have a lot on my mind."

I have become somewhat of an expert in staying as close to the truth as possible without revealing much. I hate lying to Jason, of everyone he is the last person deserving of this. It's becoming increasingly hard to keep things from him, not when we spend some much time together.

"Care to unburden." Why is he so damn kind? It is disarming.

I conceal the heavy sigh stuck in my throat with a half-hearted chuckle.

"It's nothing really. You worry too much Jace. If you aren't careful, you'll growing grey strands in no time."

"I have always thought I'd look dashing with platinum blonde hair." We both laugh at that. Though he isn't wrong, with a face like that, he could definitely pull it off.

Sometimes when I steal glances at him, I often find myself wondering why things between Greyson and I can't be so easy and comfortable. Something about Jason just feels so familiar, like a home I've never known yet instantly embrace for it offers serenity and a sense of security.

For a moment, we take in the comfortable silence, each looking ahead onto the beauty before us.

"You know, when you are ready to talk, I'll be here right?" I smile at his words, words I know he restrains himself from uttering, each time we are together.

"I know." His smile, though not completely concealing the worry in his eyes still warms my heart, lightening the heavy weight on my heart.

"We should probably head back before Eliot comes looking for me." I say, scared I may blurt out all the things I am fighting to keep contained.

He intertwines his arm in my own, courteously leading me us back inside.

"If I didn't know any better, I would think you two are actually mated to one another." Liam says as he approaches us, his face beaming with a smile at the sight of his beloved. His relationship with Jason is somewhat comical, one would mistake them for kids. Often times, I found myself missing Kat and Ethan whenever I am surrounded by their infectious bromance.

"Only you would even think such foolish things." Jason grunts, a hint of irritation lacing his tone.

"Actually, I'd bet that I am not the only one who sees it." Of course Liam persists, looking to poke him further. One would swear he finds joy from poking fun at his best friend.

"Sees what?" Jason's reaction is almost defensive and it does not go unnoticed. Liam's eyes gleam with mischief at his presumed upper hand, his smirk undeniable at thought of having riled up his best friend.

"Okay you two, enough with the bickering already. I thought you both had digested your daily dose of playful banter."

"Blythe is right. Let's play nice the rest of the day, you exhaust me." Liam winks at me triumphantly, knowing he'd won this round.

"I exhaust you? You are insufferable." Jace scoffs dismissively.

"LIAM." My body tenses up at the sound of Kaden's voice behind me. "I should have known you would waste time instead of doing what was asked of you."

"Relax Kaden. Liam was on his way." Jason cuts in before Liam can speak to defend himself. Though they may bicker all the time, they always have each-other's backs.

"Your brother requests your presence in the conference room."

"Greyson?" I whisper quietly under my breath, my heart skipping a beat at the prospect of his return.

"Next time tell Jasper to mind link me." My heart falls at the mention of Jasper.

"We tried that; your channel was closed. I now see why." Kaden's words radiate with contempt and a hint of distaste.

"Run along Kaden. I will be with you shortly."

"Be prompt." Kaden mutters quietly as he retreats back to where he came.

Jason rolls his eyes, irritation heavy on his features. Yet his eyes soften when he turns back to me, gentle and searching.

"Bly are you alright? Did Kaden do something to you?"

His question catches me off guard, almost making me choke on my own breath.

"What? No. Why would you think that?"

"You tense up every time he is around. That, and the energy between the two of you seems off, almost hostile."

"Like I said before, you worry too much. Really, it's nothing." I lie, again.

He eyes me, searching my eyes for the truth my mouth refuses to speak. Worried I may crack under his gaze, I avert my eyes but not before I utter more assuring lies.

"I'm good Jace. Go. We'll catch up later."

He follows in Kaden's direction, Liam at his heel, turning back to me as if feeling guilty for leaving me so abruptly. I sigh, feeling the effect of his departure. I wondered as I made my way back to my room if what Liam had said held any truth. 

Why did I feel so empty each time he left?

Was I projecting or is it simply my abandonment issues at play here? 

I couldn't dare entertain such thoughts, certainly not about Jason. It would be an unimaginable betrayal, a treason of the highest order.