onegurlamy
You know those days when you doubt your ability to do something you thought you were atleast "good" at...
Someone who thought I could do a ghostwriter's job for him had asked me to help him write something on two topics and I'd agreed after a little hesitation.
You're probably wondering why I hesitated, I felt the things I write/wrote for myself at my convenience aren't/weren't good enough, let alone that which would be given out to someone and in future, be relayed, for a large crowd to witness...
That feeling of not being enough haunted me for two days. I even asked for help but I couldn't bring myself to write something convincing and in my restless situation, and very disturbing and unsure thoughts, I was stuck between trying to impress and proving myself worthy....(whatever it was, I felt pressurized.)
So, I thought about people, social media friends whom I deemed fit or worthy to help with their opinions, but only one person had come to mind. In a bid to send my "carefully composed message" to him, I sent it to the same person who'd asked me for help.
You wouldn't imagine the kind of shame that befell me. He didn't make it easy as he replied the message with a "shocked" emoticon. At that point, I started giving explanations and answers to questions I wasn't asked. "Embarrassment" was the least of what I felt.
As I was regaining consciousness, because I already fainted a thousand times, the inspiration on what to write began taking form in my head. The end part being, I still delivered and it was from me and he liked it.
I noticed, I never really tried, I was so scared of disappointing that I had to depend on others. Most times, we get scared of things that may never surface, therefore suffocating the things that are. The whole time, the ideas were in me, but if you don't try, you'll never really know...and like simi, "I'll do better but I'll never be somebody else" it has always been in me...what you seek outside lies within, most times...