Running With Scissors - Sam Camp - Wattpad

Running With Scissors

Reads 297,440
Votes 18,019
Parts 42
Time 9h 17m

Reads 297,440
Votes 18,019
Parts 42
Time 9h 17m

absurdist action adult adventure cancer comedy contemporary dark darkhumor friendship hitman humor legal suspense texttospeech thriller

Diagnosed with a terminal illness, Peter Katz hires a hitman to take him out. But when a cure is discovered, Peter's got to outrun the assassin to stay alive!

*****

When douchebag lawyer Peter Katz gets diagnosed with terminal cancer, he wants to die painlessly. Still, death seems to elude his every attempt, so he hires an assassin to kill him at a random time and place within the month. Unfortunately for Peter, right after he orders the hit, a treatment is discovered that would add decades to his life. Now Peter Katz has to start running, until the month-long deadline ends. Desperate to survive, he has to deal with tall-dwarves, unionized suicide workers, art terrorism and all the insanity that being alive has to offer. Will he make it to the end of the month? Or will Peter Katz live a life's worth of craziness in however many days he has left?

For what is Comedy, but Tragedy + Time?

[[word count: 100,000-150,000 words]]All Rights Reserved

absurdist action adult adventure cancer comedy contemporary dark darkhumor friendship hitman humor legal suspense texttospeech thriller

Table of contents

42 parts

Sign up to add Running With Scissors to your library and receive updates

or

Content Guidelines

You may also like

27 percent ✓ by livflower

completed: 08/27/18 -shortlisted for Fiction awards- May Springer enters her Senior year of high school with high hopes for her future, maybe she'll make some friends this year. Maybe she'll get higher than a -A on a test, and maybe just maybe she can get into her dream college. But dreams don't always come true, when she is diagnosed with the worst form of Leukemia her dreams drop dead and she looses all hope. That is until she threw up on a police officer. Well, this should be fun. Will love, fear and whole-hearted fun pull this broken girl together? Or will the illness take her over before the bad boy can save her? ➶highest rank: #15 in Humor!

Albatross by Vapid_Ink

Elliot's partner was his whole world, but after Allan's death, his ghost haunts Elliot's dreams. Everyone tells Elliot to move on, but he isn't sure he can. ***** It's been a year since the love of Elliot's life, Allan, passed away. Everyone thinks he should have recovered after that much time, but Allan still haunts Elliot every night. He struggles to maintain relationships with his family, and despite a coworkers interest he can't summon up the courage to date. Elliot is living for the past, because to live for the present means he'll have to live with a hole in his heart. But the question Elliot has to face chases him through his monotonous days: is mourning Allan with everything he has truly living? [[word count: 40,000-50,000 words]]

The Beast by xwriteratheartxo

HANNAH I've spent my entire twenty-one years on this earth in the background. Walked over by friends. Family. Strangers. And I didn't see a problem with it; I'd rather nobody pay attention to me. It was safer that way. Easier. Until I got the wrong kind of attention. Lev Somov caught me running from an impromptu crime I was committing against my ex-boyfriend, and in that moment, he somehow decided I was worth giving his attention to. All the bad kinds of attention. Next thing I know, he's watching over me, hijacking my job and becoming my client. And then he takes things above a level I never thought possible. He is a monster, incapable of feeling any type of remorse or guilt for anyone and anything, including me. All I can hope for is that I make it out of this obsession alive. LEV This life wasn't meant for me, but now that he's gone, it's mine for the taking. And no one is going to stop me. I've shown my loyalty through blood, and I make no plans to change my future. Especially not for the little kukolka I found stumbling into the wrong alleyway. I'll take my time before I break her. And then, the Dynasty will be mine.

Athanasius Finch: Private Dick | ONC 2020 by Sam_le_fou

Beatrix Cagliostro, a starving Doctor in Letters, is hired as a Ghostwriter by Athanasius Finch, an eccentric and megalomaniac P.I, and together they will solve the biggest mystery there is: how to pay rent and not die trying. ***** Beatrix Cagliostro(pen name) thought she had hit rock bottom as a starving artist in New York with an art degree that only qualified her to be a Subway's Sandwich Artist®, but when she finds an Ad for a live-in ghostwriter/sidekick, she jumps at the opportunity. What she couldn't predict was that her new employer, the self-proclaimed "World's Third Best Detective" Athanasius Finch, would flip her world upside-down as he peels back the fat upperbelly of New York's society in a conspiracy involving evil personal care products, secret American royalty, and oddly watery Clamato. But the biggest mystery of all, one that will take their whole, undivided attention, is how to make it to next month without starving in the process. ***** My entry for the #OpenNovellaContest using prompt #58 "If we are assigning blame, then this is your fault for leaving me alone with explosives in the first place."

Blindsided By The Boss by JeniRaeD

Enemies-to-lovers * Bickering/bantering Boss/employee * Romantic comedy with a HEA He says I'm a hemorrhoid and a massive dark cloud without a silver lining. I consider him a bosshole and heartless prick--because that's what he is and more. I've never met my boss. He works only through emails. I was two months in at my new job, when I had to fly to Florida to bury my grandmother. The night of her funeral, an overly hot man approached me while I was in the middle of trying to meet a deadline, wondering if I'd be interested in having a wild night with him. It had been a couple years since I Iast been with a man. I was pissed at my boss, and he was good looking, so I accepted his offer. Next, I emailed my boss telling him I wasn't making the deadline because I was going to get laid. And I did... lots of it. The next morning he was gone. Months later, I run into my boss--in the dark--on masquerade night at a sex club. Let's just say we had an interesting moment. After that I wanted to kill him more than I already wanted to. Weeks later. I had the shock of my life when we met face to face at my best friends wedding. Callum's a one-and-done type of guy. And I wasn't looking for love either. But our friends had other plans for us. They thought we were the perfect match and did all they could to set us up. Will us two stubborn hotheads see we're meant to be? Credit for cover: https://selfpubbookcovers.com/RLSather

Far From You by _marlie_b

(book 1) y/n stark is really not here for this european school vacation because in this post-endgame world, she's mourning the loss of her dad. but one (1) sticky boi peter parker is just trying to be the friend he once was while also trying not to flirt too much because if she rejects him (which she wouldn't, not that he knows that) while they're in venice holy hell he'll just pitch himself off the gondola right then and there. basically, y/n has been distancing herself & peter misses her & this school trip is a great way for him to coax her back into the real world & y/n really loves peter but is super sensitive and scared to lose him & also mysterio shows up at some point ugh @ nick fury leave ned leeds alone *this story was written prior to avengers: infinity war & spider-man: far from home coming out. therefore, the canon in which these characters live in is different from the mcu. in this canon - tony stark, captain america, & thor have all died. black widow & vision have survived. the decimation, where half the population was snapped from existence was erased with time travel so those who were snapped came back within online minutes, leaving some residual trauma. in this canon, those who survived the decimation only lived six months without those who were snapped, but those six months have been erased - leaving only the avengers to fully remember what happened.

His Darkest Obsession by ellawryts_

One night. Two strangers. A single mistake, and her life has never been the same since. When Siya caught her fiancée cheating on her with her step-sister, heartbroken, she runs away to Paris to clear her mind and gets drunk. That was her first mistake. Her second and more serious mistake was when she, too drunk to even form coherent sentences, had sex with some handsome stranger as a final 'fuck you' to her asshole of an ex fiancé. She thought that it was only a one night stand, that they will just give each other a wonderful night, say goodbye and go their own ways. However, fate had other plans for her. What she didn't know was that the man she had sex with was one of the most ruthless mafia lords in the country, and that the more time they spent away from each other after that, the more he got obsessed with her. Also, what will she do when she finds out that she is pregnant with the baby of a stranger she met on an unfortunate night? How will they meet again? TROPES: Second chances Accidental pregnancy 'Touch her and die' MMC is obsessed with the FMC (At least give it a try before deciding it's good or not. It's my first ever book)

The Doctor's Assistant by AtlasPyro

Have you ever felt so unimaginably lonely? Ever wanted to end your life because things have gotten so unbelievably horrible? Parents misunderstanding you? Pressure too much amongst your daily stresses? Do not fret, just walk to the back alley behind Maple View Memorial Hospital. Walk down the creaking metal steps, knock a few times on the wooden door and the doctor will handle the rest. These were some of the things Elliot heard being whispered at the weekly depression seminars. They were dying for a way out, a way out of life. A way that didn't involve hanging in the kitchen before the movers showed up. With mom and dad dead from a car crash a few weeks prior, and zero friends to acknowledge their absence, Elliot decides to visit the doctor. But is it more than what they bargained for?

𝓈𝓊𝓃𝒻𝓁𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 | p.p. x reader | book one. by wildsupernova

{this book is currently going through an extensive editing process. writing styles may not line up between chapters and some plot points may not match up until book is fully edited. edited chapters will be marked with a checkmark} You never believe something can happen to you until it does. Your entire life gets turned upside down, uprooting you from everything you thought you knew and turning you into something completely different. Your world seems to take a turn for the worst, and the things you once enjoyed take a backseat to wallowing in self pity and wading knee-deep in sadness. That's how it was when my brother died. Only a year ago, everything I knew changed for good. Brand new town, brand new people, brand new life to live. Thankfully friends are easy to come by, but it turns out I wouldn't be lucky enough to keep my normal life. One fateful night and two chance encounters would change everything for me. A fresh start in New York turned out to be far more than that; it was a second chance at life itself. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- TOP RANKINGS: #70 in science #519 in superhero

Tick Tock Goes the Clock by Kale_Kabbage

Things have been a little rocky for Peter lately, but he's still standing. He's still doing his best to succeed, going to college and patrolling in his spare time. Sure, it's lonely, what with his family being dead, Ned and MJ in Boston, Mr. Stark off living his life happily with his family, and Happy avoiding him. But whatever, it's all fine. Everything is fine. Or it was until a mysterious new disease pops up and Peter gets some unwanted news. Good 'ol Parker luck, right? Content Warning: -Coarse Language -Depressive Mentality and Themes -Mild Violence -Descriptive Sexual Acts Story by Kale_Kabbage All character belong to Marvel®

You may also like

Slide 1 of 10

27 percent ✓ cover

Albatross cover

The Beast cover

Athanasius Finch: Private Dick | ONC 2020 cover

Blindsided By The Boss cover

Far From You cover

His Darkest Obsession cover

The Doctor's Assistant cover

𝓈𝓊𝓃𝒻𝓁𝑜𝓌𝑒𝓇 | p.p. x reader | book one. cover

Tick Tock Goes the Clock cover

27 percent ✓

completed: 08/27/18 -shortlisted for Fiction awards- May Springer enters her Senior year of high school with high hopes for her future, maybe she'll make some friends this year. Maybe she'll get higher than a -A on a test, and maybe just maybe she can get into her dream college. But dreams don't always come true, when she is diagnosed with the worst form of Leukemia her dreams drop dead and she looses all hope. That is until she threw up on a police officer. Well, this should be fun. Will love, fear and whole-hearted fun pull this broken girl together? Or will the illness take her over before the bad boy can save her? ➶highest rank: #15 in Humor!