disociation

have you ever felt a stranger in your body? Lost so much time that your life is a jumble of half formed memories? do you ever feel like you are not the only one in your body? that's how I feel. nearly every day, and on the days I don't feel like I'm not the only one I'm scared and confused and alone. those are the bad days, the days where this world is too real yet not real enough. those are the days that i, dispite knowing who I am do not know who I am. those are the hard day's, the lonely days. those are the days I remember yet don't, the days where every light is blinding yet too dim, those are the days where every sound is deafening yet not loud enough. those are the dark days, the lonely days. this is not a story of hope. our story is not one of hope, it's one of picking up the shattered remains of a half remembered childhood, to place them together so the doctors can poke holes in our existence. our existence is not one of hope. we go to our appointments and get told what's wrong with us this month and to come again. it's the cycle.

a collection of stuff I write while dissociated.

TW: depression, anxiety, heavy topics, probably some trauma mentioned, dysphoria, disociation.