Sort of Dead - cadaveric - Wattpad

Sort of Dead

Reads 26,620
Votes 7,178
Parts 89
Time 4h 51m

Reads 26,620
Votes 7,178
Parts 89
Time 4h 51m

blood comedy firstperson funny ghost hilarious humor lmao lolwhat notavampire quest teen teenage teenfiction thewalkingdead vampire vampireish wannadie witch witchcraft zombies

**This book features short, fun, snappy chapters**

**Perfectly fine as a standalone**

[Caution: may pack a couple of gutpunches.]


"First things first: this is the story of how I die. Over and over again."

__________________________________

Marra is NOT a vampire. He is a normal human, just like you. At least, that's what he tells himself.

Life pits him against odds so bleak, that he'd rather die than face them. That's precisely the problem though. 

He just doesn't seem to . . . die.

And now he's headed towards his worst nightmare, accompanied by a grumpy one-armed adult, a quippy spirit, a copperhead nerd, a sassy actor, a beagle, and a corpse.

Welcome to his wacky world.

Herein lies a hilarious, heartfelt, and first-hand account from Marra himself, ridden with characters to tickle your funnybone, witchraft to bewitch you, and loads of weird but laugh-out-loud stuff. Like, loads.

Enjoy.
______________________________________

{ Awesome cover by @jaszthewayyoulikeit }

#completed

***All rights reserved: Do not recreate or plagiarise. This is an original work.***All Rights Reserved

blood comedy firstperson funny ghost hilarious humor lmao lolwhat notavampire quest teen teenage teenfiction thewalkingdead vampire vampireish wannadie witch witchcraft zombies

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89 parts

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In Love With My Gay Friend (EDITING) by whatsupmic

My name is Joey Lerman. And I... was just going through a phase of 'moving-on' from a 2-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. In this screwed up story, it practically involved a lot of things - such as my break-up story, my dreamboat gay BFF, and of course, our ludicrous plan of making my ex-boyfriend regret ever leaving me. And maybe I shall mention about the process of ME falling in love with my gay friend. You read that right. But you better buckle up, people. Shit's about to get even crazier. Welcome to my crazy, like totally crazy, loop story of heart breaks and a lot of romance. ----------- (WARNING: CONTAINS A LOT OF IMMATURE CHARACTERS AND COMPLICATED PLOT LINES. THERE ARE TOO MANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS AS WELL BUT I AM REVISING THEM SLOWLY AND SLOWLY. IF YOU EVER HATE HOW THE CHARACTERS EVEN EVER ACT OUT IN THIS STORY, PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT I WROTE THIS BOOK YEARS AGO AND SPONTANEOUSLY DECIDED TO PUBLISHED THIS WITHOUT GIVING THIS BOOK A FURTHER THOUGHT. PLEASE DON'T SEND HATE OR ANNOYING LITTLE COMMENTS ABOUT HOW THE STORY ESCALATED TOO QUICK OR HOW IMMATURE SOME CHARACTERS ARE.) ON THE STATE OF EDITING ----------- (All Rights Reserved Mic 2013)

I Checked Out the Badboy's Boxers by itzdelicate

"Not the typical cliche teen fiction" "You're hooked from the get go. Pretty much similar to when you can't stop eating till the last slice of pizza, or have the eagerness to pee, but can't because you're scared that if you stop reading you'll miss the intensity each word brings." "There isn't even a word good enough to describe this book. I'm speechless." - "Please Lexa?" Elle looks at me, "Just fill in my spot for ten minutes." At that moment I was calm, what could go wrong with running a checkout isle for ten minutes? As it turns out, everything. -- "Why are you checking me out?" His voice questions. Even his voice is the sexiest thing I've ever heard. Not to mention the broad shoulder, killer jawlined boy it came from. "I wasn't, I swear!" My cheeks blush ferociously. How the hell did he notice? In fact I'd always thought I was pretty stealthy. He just chuckles and looks at me, a rambling mess, "Yes you are." "Okay, alright, you know what-" I pause trying to pick up the pieces of my shattered dignity from the floor, "Maybe you shouldn't come in here like a fracking ambercrombie model and then on top of that blame a poor little innocent girl for looking-" "I meant those. You're checking me out." He gestures to the items laying across the counter and the scanner in my hand. Oh shit. Let me just repeat that for a moment now. Oh shit. -- Started: 12/27/15 Ended: 10/24/18 February 2019: #1 HUMOR -- Warning: I cannot guarantee you will walk away from this book unaffected

Beneath The Blood Moon by ANnaMaratISrat

Claudia's life is crumbling apart. Claudia Marcellus has been alone ever since she was turned into a vampire- that was, until she met another vampiress named Thana. Slowly building her new life as a vampire up, with Thana along to guide her Claudia had formed a new purpose in life. That was, until Thana was murdered. Confused, broken, and trying to escape Thana's killer, who was now after her for unknown reasons, Claudia moves to the City of Briancon, where she meets Lupin, a werewolf man who seems awfully too familiar...and, by an odd twist of fate, attractive. Lupin is obsessed, and it's affecting his way of life. Being part of the pack meant absolute loyalty- but after a less than gracious meeting with a vampire girl, he finds his loyalty wavering. How can he be loyal when she consumes his every thought? Lupin follows her to Briancon, determined to learn more about this girl, and figure out how to rid himself of this undeniable attraction. Will Claudia ever avenge Thana's death, and find meaning in her life again? Will Lupin ever get back the life that was destined for him with his pack? Will the two of them learn to fight the growing attraction between them? This book was inspired by a short story I wrote in english. TW- Profanities, gore (sorta), angst, mentions of death, smut (probably- I'll warn you when a smut chapter comes up. Trust)

Sort of Deadly by RaghavBhatia7

*Sequel to 'Sort Of Dead'* *Kindly read the previous installment beforehand* ~ "You know the feeling when you see a glass jar filled with perfectly round, colorful marbles, and you just want to put one - or two, or three - in your mouth, even though you know it's dangerous and can kill you? Right. Hold that thought. We'll come back to it." _______________________________________ Not all dreams terminate when you wake up. Some last longer. And some can take over your reality. After the party's victorious return to {Undisclosed}, it takes them a while to coze up to their silly, mundane lives. The sail's smooth . . . at least until Bee starts having those awful nightmares. Those very REAL nightmares. The bookworm finds herself in such a fix - oh, boy, wait for this - that she can't think a way out of it. She's pretty certain she's going to die. It's her friends that she is more worried about. --Have fun! All of your favorite characters are back in this one, and then some! Laugh and sob and cheer them on! #completed { Awesome cover by @jaszthewayyoulikeit } Pst scrpt: I know this blurb sucks. ***All rights reserved: Do not recreate or plagiarise. This is an original work.***

The Other Side of the Lie (EDITING, ON HOLD) by NyaLawrence

What if humans lived alongside witches, vampires, fey, and werewolves? Yeah, they don't though. They're divided into Factiones (no, that isn't a typo, go away Grammarly) by a starburst mountain range that is actually new, relative to the rest of the geology. Then someone dies. Of course. Not original is it? I suppose there's a good reason it always starts with someone dying. Well, being murdered in this particular case. I know, also not very original. But please, bear with me. Basically, the people in power are insane and dangerous. (There are really too many clichés here, aren't there?) And our not-so-normal band of motley heroes have to stop these crazy people. I understand that this is more or less the same plot line as 17% (minimum) of all books on the planet, but seriously, if you want to have a 12-year-old (almost) burn down/melt half a castle, this is your book. Be patient though, because it might take you a bit to get there. Enjoy! 1st completed book!!!!!! (I haven't edited it yet though, so if it seems a little rough it's normal. I'm having it proof-read and edited, but it might take a while before the updated versions are available to be published here.)

𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 (𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫) 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞! by FrozenAmbers

Human Alastor x Fem!Reader (It has a whole asylum bit, if you don't like that don't read, okay? Okay cool bye!) "Do you realize that I've murdered, tortured and killed people giving me less attitude than you are now. You are acting like a sulking child, Is that what you want? To be treated like a child?" He raised his voice and took a few steps forward. Your back hit the wall and you felt trapped. "I should've just killed you..." He said quietly. "Why didn't you?" You spoke through stuttered breaths. "I-" He went silent and stared into your eyes trying to think of an answer. (In this book you slowly go insane 😍) This is a 18+ book there will be: - Gore -murder -Smut (yes I know Alastor is ace/asexual BUT this is like an alternate universe) Smut chapters will be skippable and won't affect the story :) -violence -torture -sexual themes -swearing -cannibalism I will put a warning at the top of a chapter. There is going to be an upcoming sequel to this book. RANKINGS: #1 Human Alastor (22nd April 2024) #2 Alastor (25th April) #1 Hazbinhotel (29th April) (My most impressive ranking) #1 Vox (14th May) #1 Hazbinhotelalastor (18th may) #1Lucifer (10 June ) None of the art in this book is mine unless I say it is. All characters belong to Vivziepop.

The Hunters Saga #3: The Hawthorn Pearl by RJ_City

"THE AFTERLIFE CAN BE A REAL BITCH, RIGHT?" "Henri-" I began, but Henri's hand snatched up mine and squeezed tightly enough to break bones. I bit my tongue to hold back a cry. It was a warning. "Maria didn't say anything about a couple of vampires wanting to meet with her," the green-haired warlock spoke after the area had stilled with electrified silence. I looked Henri's way, and that's really when our situation caught up with me. Wait... "Maria..." I murmured in remembrance, then sent Henri a glare. "Why are we here to see Maria Day? If you don't remember, let me remind you that I killed her friend. Hell, her master. She'll kill me when she sees me." Henri had the nerve to laugh softly. "You're already dead, Antoinette." "Thanks to you. There are other ways witches can hurt vampires, aren't there?" My eyes traveled shortly to the warlocks, Daniel and Zachary, and I shook my head. "She'll burn me alive! I'm not going in there." "You're overacting," Henri said with a dramatic eye roll with a worth of a slap across his face. Lucky for him, I kept my hands at my sides. This night was about to get dangerous... This is Book 3 of The Hunters Saga! 1st draft, so there WILL be mistakes! Cover thanks to @AlexandraSinclair1! *Rated PG-13 for thematic peril and angst, rude humor, mild language, occasional innuendo and sensuality, and graphic imagery in some places. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!* The Hawthorn Pearl Copyright (C) RJ City 2015. All Rights Reserved.

Dangerously Beautiful by Karma__Winters

"Tell me something real about you. Like, where are your parents? Do you have any siblings? Give me something that shows me who the real Kaia Jones is. I hardly know a single thing about you, and yet, I've been telling you everything about me." "You want to know who the real Kaia Jones is? She's a bitch. She screws around with guys who could care less about her other than her body. She definitely doesn't date. And you know what? She likes it that way. She hates that just because she shares a meaningless kiss with someone, doesn't mean that he gets to ask her, her whole fucking life story." Yup, I've been told that I'm self-destructive and tend to fuck things up... ----------------------------------------------------------------- Kaia Jones starts mid-senior year of high school in a town known as Forestwood. Pretty fitting right? With trees surrounding the small town, and oh, let's not forget about the beasts that lurk within these same forests. What happens when one of these beasts is none other than Asher Lodge? And why does Kaia suddenly feel so attracted to this one guy? I mean, she's used to one-night stands and fighting in underground fight clubs. So what happens when you mix werewolves, witches, and past struggles that come back to bite you in the ass? Well, you get a dangerously beautiful story of course. Warning: This book is rated mature and will have mature-themed content. This includes sex, underage drinking and drug use, rape, violence, and strong language. #32 in Werewolf

The Grey's Curse by -Mystery_Author-

What would you do if there was a Monster that one day popped up in your life? uninvited and seemed to know exactly where you were at all times? What if it almost ended your life? Would you tell someone and risk being told that you're crazy? Maria asks herself the same questions and she can't help but to wonder, why does it hunt her so? Can she figure out a way to make it disappear? And most importantly Will she survive? _____________________________________________ In this gruesome horror story the events take place in modern day West Virginia which is where you will meet Maria Nichole Grey: a young and lonely fifteen year old girl that is still grieving the death of her father who died in a car accident seven years ago, leaving her with her aloof mother who was almost never home to witness the strange and dangerous happenings that keep Maria in constant danger. Maria wasn't sure why or how the entity haunted her; she never played with a ouija bound and she never chanted Bloody Mary in her bathroom but on this particular day, when she was home alone, a huge terrifying Monster pounced on her from her closet and attacked her in her own room, the Monster itself was a huge, horrifying, sinister entity with startling glowing yellow eyes that seemed to stare into her soul. The Monster seems to only be interested in Maria and targets her specifically, She has no clue as to why it's haunting her, no, hunting her, but she's determined to find out and put a stop to it before it can send the grim reaper her way. (Mature for gore & violence) (Word count around 60,000) (Also this was one of my first stories that I've written, I hope you like it! ♥︎) (Also this is in serious need of a rewrite which I hope to do later in the future ♥︎)

Love, Anonymous by Liz_Plum

*Completed* "I just want to know why." I say as I turn over, trying to find his figure through the dark of my room. "Why what?" He asks. "Why you're being so nice to me." I say quietly, vulnerability seeping into my words. "How we even became friends." He sighs, "I want to know how." I scrunch my brow. "How what?" His response is soft, the opposite of his sarcastic personality. "How you don't see it." ******* Reagan Holt was about as average as a high school student could be. She didn't play any sports, didn't participate in the popular activities, and wasn't the girl all the boys chased after. All except one boy. He wrote her a letter every week. Each letter described something new for him to love about her. Whether it was how beautiful her laugh was or how his heart swelled with every smile she gave, he never failed to write how he felt. So the two should be together, right? That's the way Reagan wants it, but there's just one problem. He signs his letters "Love, Anonymous." Now add an obnoxious, conceited, sex god into the equation and you get a teenage girl confused on who really loves her. The sweet, tender written anonymous lover, or the cocky, ignorant asshole? -REVIEWS- "You create such wonderful characters and I can't wait to see what happens next!" VampireSa5m41993 "Thank you for wonderful dogs and little brothers and eccentrically hormonal best friends!" -Nat-Attack "I am totally hooked on this book!" nbazinet "I love the way the story flows and that you have really roundabout characters. It's as if they're real while I'm reading!" life_is_beautiful115 "Your work is literally art." lemonsun123 "Every time I read this book it just makes me smile." Nicooole97 Cover by: -winterr

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Slide 1 of 10

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I Checked Out the Badboy's Boxers cover

Beneath The Blood Moon cover

Sort of Deadly cover

The Other Side of the Lie (EDITING, ON HOLD) cover

𝐅𝐫𝐨𝐳𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐬 (𝐇𝐮𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐀𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫 𝐱 𝐑𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫) 𝐂𝐨𝐦𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐞! cover

The Hunters Saga #3: The Hawthorn Pearl cover

Dangerously Beautiful cover

The Grey's Curse cover

Love, Anonymous cover

In Love With My Gay Friend (EDITING)

My name is Joey Lerman. And I... was just going through a phase of 'moving-on' from a 2-year relationship with my ex-boyfriend. In this screwed up story, it practically involved a lot of things - such as my break-up story, my dreamboat gay BFF, and of course, our ludicrous plan of making my ex-boyfriend regret ever leaving me. And maybe I shall mention about the process of ME falling in love with my gay friend. You read that right. But you better buckle up, people. Shit's about to get even crazier. Welcome to my crazy, like totally crazy, loop story of heart breaks and a lot of romance. ----------- (WARNING: CONTAINS A LOT OF IMMATURE CHARACTERS AND COMPLICATED PLOT LINES. THERE ARE TOO MANY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS AS WELL BUT I AM REVISING THEM SLOWLY AND SLOWLY. IF YOU EVER HATE HOW THE CHARACTERS EVEN EVER ACT OUT IN THIS STORY, PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THAT I WROTE THIS BOOK YEARS AGO AND SPONTANEOUSLY DECIDED TO PUBLISHED THIS WITHOUT GIVING THIS BOOK A FURTHER THOUGHT. PLEASE DON'T SEND HATE OR ANNOYING LITTLE COMMENTS ABOUT HOW THE STORY ESCALATED TOO QUICK OR HOW IMMATURE SOME CHARACTERS ARE.) ON THE STATE OF EDITING ----------- (All Rights Reserved Mic 2013)