Humor On High: Clean Jokes and Funny Stories - Crystal Scherer - Wattpad

Humor On High: Clean Jokes and Funny Stories

Reads 111,910
Votes 1,915
Parts 11
Time 1h 12m

Reads 111,910
Votes 1,915
Parts 11
Time 1h 12m

clean funny hilarious humor jokes random stories

I have a soft spot for clean and funny jokes.
Perhaps you do too.

I have slowly been collecting things that I found particularly humorous. 
Most of these are not mine, although a few are.

Some chapters are just images, and will have (images) in the chapter title.

A new chapter every Monday.  

Enjoy.  :)

I kindly request that people refrain from swearing in my books. The English language is huge, and many other things can be used instead. I don't mind things like shit, blast it, or fuzzy bunny slippers, but I can't stand the f-bomb or when people insult female dogs. If people want to vent, why not do it more creatively? Nicky manages it quite well in The Virus Within.


The lovely cover was made by @Ellie6880!All Rights Reserved

clean funny hilarious humor jokes random stories

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Dawn of the Epoch by RugbySpurs

Hunter called himself an archaeologist, but he was a modern day treasure hunter. Tiyana was a scientist devoted to her craft. They were passionate people, wholly devoted to their work. Neither of them had time for love. Neither of them could resist it when it happened. Neither of them knew that the world would need the two of them to save it from a tyrannical pre-historic overlord, his cyborg vampire paramour, and their army of mindless drudges. Dawn of the Epoch is an epic science fiction novel about dark matter, death rays, nuclear warfare, and the Large Hadron Collider, but it is also a fantasy novel about medieval warriors, alchemy, and ancient gods. Dawn of the Epoch blends fantasy with reality, bringing mythology to life today. It is also an apocalyptic thriller spanning the globe from the Pyramids of Egypt to the heart of Africa to the majesty of the Himalayas. It is an epic hybrid-genre story with intense action sequences, magic, mythology, suspenseful plot twists, countless obstacles for the protagonists to overcome, and an utterly Machiavellian supernatural villain. Testimonials: "Probably one of my favorite books I've read to date. Brilliantly complex, adoringly rendered and quizzically intense. A must read and one I plan to revisit, and share!" - Amgwatts, Wattpad Reader "This has to be one of the most original and well written novels I have had the pleasure to read, on Wattpad and in general. It was captivating, interesting, immersive and above all, fantastic. I was left in awe of the beings, history and world you created. It was never dull, dry or predicable and it was a nice change from what seems to be the ever popular teen romance with vampires or werewolves or 'bad boys that are actually romantic good boys.' In the end it was a very pleasant surprise." -IridescentLies, Wattpad Reader http://dawnoftheepoch.weebly.com

Hero - Book One - Journey To The East by Thewbs

[Amby award winner in action and adventure 2024 Wattpad Action Book Of The Month and Featured Wattpad Story @ScienceFiction] In a world turned to hell, a brave teenager named Hero must cross deserts, outsmart gangs, and cannibals to reach the legendary Eden in the Far East. With Falcon, his trusty electric car, Hero's quest for Eden becomes an epic battle against all odds. Just as he feels isolated in this desolate landscape, a mysterious figure emerges, challenging his beliefs and altering the course of his destiny. Hero must confront the very core of his existence in a race against time and uncertainty. Is Eden a real place, or is it just a made-up myth? And when you have to give up everything, will paradise be worth it? Join Hero on a wild journey to discover the secrets of a broken world, tackle tough challenges, and realise that the ultimate paradise lies within us. Enjoy, share and leave a comment :) This book will be edited, and checked on spelling regularly. Book Two: Coming Soon ⭐[Story of the month @action 2024]⭐ ⭐[Featured Wattpad Story @ScienceFiction | Dystopian Apocalypse]⭐ 19-10-2024 ⭐96 #Sciencefiction of 56k stories ⭐38 #Post-apocalyptic of 13,5k stories ⭐24 #Discovery of 13k stories ⭐98 #Dystopian of 48k stories ⭐92 #Sciencefantasy of 27k stories https://www.wattpad.com/list/1571981185 ⭐Story of the month @action 2024⭐ https://www.wattpad.com/list/1484693232-book-of-the-month https://www.wattpad.com/1489157436-book-of-the-month-october-2024-%C2%BBhero-book-one No AI art and writing. All is made by me and I own all rights to all of my material. For more art of mine, check out; www.instagram.com/thewbs_art

Black Eye: Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective #2 (Watty Winner) by BenSobieck

Season 2 of Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective Six months after solving the Elle Carey case, Zandra finds life is much easier for her. Money and fame grant her the creature comforts and respect she sorely missed for years. But not all of the attention is welcome. When body parts start showing up in her mailbox, Zandra must race against time to find the sender, once again putting her psychic "powers" to the test. The sequel to "Glass Eye: Confessions of a Fake Psychic Detective" picks up right where its predecessor left off. Read that one first before jumping in here. *** 2016 Wattys Award winner (HQ Love) *** Also available on YONDER, the next-generation reading app from the Wattpad family.

the Clarence's by IdaGammelgaardJensen

Prince Alexander, born an hour before Prince William, is second in line to the throne and the future King. He met his wife, Eleanor Maxwell, at St Andrews in 2003. Now, in 2017, with Prince Harry's engagement to Meghan Markle, the Duke and Duchess of Clarence navigate royal life with quiet strength-supporting change while preparing for their own future at the heart of the monarchy. how will the Duke and Duchess of Clarence navigate their life through the royal family, With the new member soon to join?

The Space Spinster (on HOLD) by DomiSotto

A dutiful, ace soldier from Mars faces a dilemma. She can accept an offer from an infuriating gen-eng man from Venus, grab her loyal cat + dig up her inner rebel and maybe become the first human to explore the Galaxy. OR she can keep flying security on the cruise space ships. Did I mention the man from Venus has an unbearable personality and nearly got her killed on Jupiter? Daaaamn! I got cocky and wrote a space opera, yes, with aliens and fast spaceships. Become a part of the audience so small, it's exclusive! First published: long time ago in a galaxy far, far away. Now updates as a lite novel with AI art.

Community Happenings by Wattpad

Welcome to The Wattpad HQ Community Happenings story! We are so glad you're part of our global community. This is the place for readers and writers to come to discover all the things we're doing to keep our community connected and inspired. From writer prompts to keep you motivated to weekly reading challenges, you'll find it all here.

Of Blood and Roses by KatWynter

The Queen of Hearts meets the gilded world of Marie Antoinette. A princess with a holy Gift. A kingdom hiding a dangerous secret. And a marriage meant to bring peace to a land with a violent history of war. Eighteen-year-old Ophelia Rosiers is a princess of Rosailles, and also the heir to a holy Gift that determined the fate of her queendom centuries ago. But now with her Gift locked away, she can only hear the whispers of the Angels her people revere. As a result, her sister has been named next in line, and she is being sent to their enemy nation, Garnette, in order to marry their Crown Prince and hopefully lead their countries into an era of much needed peace. Only when she arrives, she quickly starts to suspect her betrothed is not who she dreamed him to be. Stuck in a palace surrounded by gossiping courtiers and enemies at every turn, Ophelia's friends are few. Especially when one of her handmaidens turns out to have secrets of her own, turning what Ophelia has always believed about her destiny upside down. Desperate for a distraction, she finds company with Prince Pierre-her betrothed's younger brother-who has motives of his own. When betrayal lands Ophelia as Garnette's prisoner, she realizes her whole life she has been dictated by other people's lies. With peace shattered for good and Ophelia's fate left in her own hands, she does the one thing she has left-she takes back control, even if it means turning into the very monster her enemies make her out to be. Bisexual MC. Book 1 in The Blood of the Angels series

Conduit by veelozada

When back-alley mechanic Elijah Garret is approached by the company who destroyed his family, he has to decide whether to repair and upgrade their androids or let the machines rebel and start a war. Season 1 of Conduit *** For years, mechanical genius Elijah Garret has kept a low profile. As the world struggles to survive with minimal resources, he illegally repairs essential androids for those who can't afford certified technicians from megacorporation Lyons. The very same corporation that caused his father and grandfather's deaths, leaving him alone in the world save his beloved personal android, Victoria. When Elijah is betrayed by a client, he's thrust directly into Lyons' crosshairs. And the company he's spent most of his life hiding from wants his help. The androids are malfunctioning, rebelling against their creators, and without their assistance, humanity is doomed. Lyons wants Elijah to program the next batch of androids-obedient and incapable of being otherwise-and ensure the survival of everyone in the world. But Elijah must determine whether what's being asked of him is the correct path, or even possible; and he must do it quickly. Because the androids have their own plans and Elijah is key to those as well...

Heretic of the Nile by chromatix

[Wattys 2022 Winner - Wildcard Category] Mereneith is a junior crystal keeper at the Temple of Ptah, the greatest of the temples located within the capital of Memphis. Bored with the mundane job growing and maintaining the Ak'heka crystals-the kingdom's prized energy source-Mereneith secretly pockets scrap pieces for her own research, her wild imagination conjuring endless possibilities for the Ak'heka crystal technology. When Mereneith's mentor is found dead in a temple well, leaving behind only a cryptic message, she sets out on a mission to uncover the truth behind his death. Accompanied by the fourth prince Kha, son of Pharaoh Sneferu and forerunner to inherit the throne of Upper and Lower Egypt, Mereneith's quest for justice lands her in the middle of a political storm, where one wrong move could spell the end of the empire - and her own life. ======== Heretic of the Nile is Book One of the Sands of Giza Trilogy, a speculative historical fiction series that explores the origin of the Great Pyramid of Giza 19.10.22 - Heretic of the Nile has been shortlisted for The Wattys 2022!

Upon Wings Of Change by CrystalScherer

No one ever said what would happen when dragons and aliens meet. And no one told me that I would be in the middle of it. Tasha was studying hard to get through her last year of university when she was kidnapped. She certainly didn't expect to wake up with four feet and wings. Mad scientists are bad enough, but things get even more complicated when aliens appear and wipe out the human race. Is there a way for her to hide her true identity in this new world while retaining her humanity? --------------------- Sneak Peek: I jumped over the lip of the tray and beat down hard with my wings. I had expected to only slow my fall; I had not expected to end up gaining so much height. I squawked in surprise and spread my wings wide in alarm before gravity regained its hold on me. With several awkward back-winging motions of my wings, I landed lightly on the floor. Well, at least I know my wings work. I glanced at the man in the corner as he was scribbling quick notes. I turned around to regard the tray again. They say practice makes perfect. With another hop and a single wingbeat, I managed to land in the sand tray with fanned wings slowing my momentum. That was much more graceful. But a wing-assisted hop wasn't true flight. And I still wasn't on the windowsill. ---------------------------- Entire semi-polished draft can be read on Wattpad. The polished version may be purchased on Amazon as print/audio/ebook. Copyright November 2016. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world*, *labs*, and kidnapping/metaforming idea as long as credit is given. Loosely based on a story of a loyal war dog who had originated as a street stray. The Cover was done by Dedefox at https://www.deviantart.com/dedefox

The Girl with an Owl by ravenwood666may

Some people don't realize that owls are one of the most magical creatures in existence but even they can't help but admire their beauty. What happens when a girl meets an owl and steps outside the prescribed path? Where would that friendship lead her? Is she ready to go there? Those and many other questions will be answered as we follow the adventures of the girl with an owl. I don't own any of the pictures.

Wendizzy's Writer Room by Wendizzy

In this book, you'll get a behind the scenes look at how your favorite characters were born, my creative process, and the dirty details never before revealed. Tex's Camp Q&A: Come sit by the fire and ask me whatever you'd like. We can roast marshmallows, tell scary stories, and hang out in the comments like a big, happy family. Gator's Backstage Pass: A place full of secrets. Learn the-sometimes embarrassing-details on how my wildest scenes came to life, facts about the characters, the process, and myself.

Behold the Scalded by LLSanders

Wattys Shortlist 2022! | Kyla Shepard, a sixteen-year-old orphan who conjures massive ink-like creatures with her thoughts, must learn to tame the monsters before they consume everything in their path, including her. **** While surviving in the blackened two-mile radius within the quiet city dubbed The Scalded, Kyla Shepard befriends fellow survivors, Lilac and Hermit, who attempt to help her tame her imaginings before they run rampant and destroy everything with a pulse, including them. But when a group of city men infiltrate The Scalded to kill anything living and take back the land, Kyla attempts to fight fire with fire by training her imaginings to defend the place she calls home. As the monsters grow in strength, her attempts to tame the beasts might not only place the city and its residents in danger but cause her to lose the one thing she needs to succeed ... her power. **** Inspired by the short story Make It Stop by L.L. Sanders. Read the twisted tale on my profile! **** Copyright©2020 by L.L. Sanders

The Virus Within: Third Wave (Book 2) by CrystalScherer

The third wave is looming, mere weeks away, but in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, problems never come just one at a time. Season 2 of The Virus Within * * * * * Life isn't easy, and that's doubly true when you're a zombie surrounded by humans, a crazy redhead, and a far-too-curious scientist. Once you add in a long-lost sister and a Terror who doesn't know how to zombie, peace and quiet are the last things you'll find. Reports of a Nightstalker attack come mere weeks before the third wave is due, and Trinity is one of the few who have the necessary skills to take on such a zombie. Leaving her sister in the safety of the Stronghold, Trinity joins the rest of the group as they embark on a road trip to locate the feral creature before it can kill anyone else. Trouble looms on the horizon like a thunderstorm, and where there's thunder, there's lightning. You better pack your dish soap because the third wave isn't waiting for anyone. Cover designed by Marie Tilmant

Legion of the Lost (Witchfire 3) by AJSCURRAH

Nora Walker, a psychic vampire, is conscripted into a task-force of supernatural legends that care more for themselves than the cataclysmic threat they face... ****** Nora revels in her parasitical ability to translate negative emotions into spell-casting energy. Pandemonium is her passion. All of her interactions are transactions. She grows more powerful and isolated with each day. Until Chance Nightshade tricks her into joining a task-force prophesied to stop an enemy legion from annihilating the whole shadow world. And one of them threatens to warm her cold heart for good... ***** [1st in #Paranormal] [Can be read as a stand-alone novel] Cover designed by Stefanie Saw.

little wife by Ruby_Jade99

18 ယောက်စုဖတ်ရတာမို့ အသက်မပြည့်သေးတဲ့ကလေးတွေမဖတ်ပါနဲ့

A Different Virus - Laura's Story by CrystalScherer

This is a second view point from my original story - A Different Virus - Heartfire. I highly advise reading the original book first. Intro: Laura was a happy child without a care in the world. She loved her parents and life was perfect. Nothing seemed like it could go wrong. People started talking about a bad flu that was spreading and sending some into a coma. Her parents grew worried and stocked the house in case of a pandemic. Months later another virus appeared. Her family was shocked when the news people started reporting that zombies were actually real and not just part of a horror movie. They were appearing in every country. Her parents reassured her that none of the zombie sightings had been anywhere close to them. Her life is turned upside down when her father ends up in hospital with the bad flu and mother exiles her upstairs for her safety. She was never allowed downstairs again. Weeks pass and the streets become deserted with the exception of the red eyed zombies that wandered around. One night she notices a swiftly moving figure with glowing blue eyes in the street below. Should she call out or remain silent? Is this fleeting shadow something that can help her or could this mysterious figure be even more dangerous than the zombies themselves? ---------------------- Ranked #1 Apr 10, 2018 (A huge thank you to all who read and voted!) This story is copyright and built from my own imagination. This book was a special request from someone who helped me a lot. This viewpoint has less action than the original. The cover was made by @All_AboutAssymetry. A huge thanks to her! Copyright September 2016. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world* and *zombie rules* as long as credit is given.

My God, My Father, My Savior by SapphireBlue19

I am a teenage girl who loves God and would do anything for Him. Join me in my journey that He has created for me and learn about how God will take care of your problems. For He is God, He is love. Read about how I've overcome the obstacles in my path and how I look towards God for help. In this book, we will dig deeper into our minds and discover who we were meant to be.

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An Order of Death by -DeeIsDead-

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Dawn of the Epoch

Hunter called himself an archaeologist, but he was a modern day treasure hunter. Tiyana was a scientist devoted to her craft. They were passionate people, wholly devoted to their work. Neither of them had time for love. Neither of them could resist it when it happened. Neither of them knew that the world would need the two of them to save it from a tyrannical pre-historic overlord, his cyborg vampire paramour, and their army of mindless drudges. Dawn of the Epoch is an epic science fiction novel about dark matter, death rays, nuclear warfare, and the Large Hadron Collider, but it is also a fantasy novel about medieval warriors, alchemy, and ancient gods. Dawn of the Epoch blends fantasy with reality, bringing mythology to life today. It is also an apocalyptic thriller spanning the globe from the Pyramids of Egypt to the heart of Africa to the majesty of the Himalayas. It is an epic hybrid-genre story with intense action sequences, magic, mythology, suspenseful plot twists, countless obstacles for the protagonists to overcome, and an utterly Machiavellian supernatural villain. Testimonials: "Probably one of my favorite books I've read to date. Brilliantly complex, adoringly rendered and quizzically intense. A must read and one I plan to revisit, and share!" - Amgwatts, Wattpad Reader "This has to be one of the most original and well written novels I have had the pleasure to read, on Wattpad and in general. It was captivating, interesting, immersive and above all, fantastic. I was left in awe of the beings, history and world you created. It was never dull, dry or predicable and it was a nice change from what seems to be the ever popular teen romance with vampires or werewolves or 'bad boys that are actually romantic good boys.' In the end it was a very pleasant surprise." -IridescentLies, Wattpad Reader http://dawnoftheepoch.weebly.com