Humor On High: Clean Jokes and Funny Stories - Crystal Scherer - Wattpad

Humor On High: Clean Jokes and Funny Stories

Reads 99,928
Votes 1,912
Parts 11
Time 1h 12m

Reads 99,928
Votes 1,912
Parts 11
Time 1h 12m

clean funny hilarious humor jokes random stories

I have a soft spot for clean and funny jokes.
Perhaps you do too.

I have slowly been collecting things that I found particularly humorous. 
Most of these are not mine, although a few are.

Some chapters are just images, and will have (images) in the chapter title.

A new chapter every Monday.  

Enjoy.  :)

I kindly request that people refrain from swearing in my books. The English language is huge, and many other things can be used instead. I don't mind things like shit, blast it, or fuzzy bunny slippers, but I can't stand the f-bomb or when people insult female dogs. If people want to vent, why not do it more creatively? Nicky manages it quite well in The Virus Within.


The lovely cover was made by @Ellie6880!All Rights Reserved

clean funny hilarious humor jokes random stories

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The Lost Prince (The Shadowdancer Chronicles, Book One) by CT_Hill

Three decades ago the realm bled. Today, The Lost Prince lives. Kareth is a legend, a mythical hero; a brigand who just so happens to be the Prince of Panthos, the realm The Silent King destroyed three decades before. Kareth is real, he is alive, and he is looking for vengeance. The only problem is, The Silent King, his mortal enemy, happens to be his father. **** The second book of The Shadowdancer Chronicles is now live! Check out The Tree of Black and White and let me know what you think!

Vampires in Space by cjstevens2018

Starting two decades after 'The Shape of Things to Come', this is what came. It's time for Vampires to leave Earth. The Sagan clan embarks on its next big journey.

🔞𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥*☠︎︎ˢᵉˣ 𝐾𝐻𝑚𝑒𝑟🔞 « 𝑬𝑵𝑯𝒀𝑷𝑬𝑵 » by sunsun_bl

🔞ជារឿងភាគខ្លីបែប18+បើអត់ពេញចិត្តកុំអានអីខ្លាចបែបអារម្មណ៍🔞 តែadmin ក៏មិនឲចប់ដោយអត់ន័យដែល

𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗗𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗰𝘆 by authorosee

𝗦𝗵𝗲 𝗜𝘀 𝗧𝗼𝗼 𝗗𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝗙𝗼𝗿 His 𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 "Damm, whenever you're in my arms, I feel like I might crush you. You're so delicate," he said, kissing her cheek. "Huh?" "It took me three years to hug you, and today you let him hug you, huh?" he asked, trying to control his anger. "He is your brother," she said, trying to move from his grip. "So what? It doesn't matter. We'v been married for a month, and you didn't allow me to kiss you. But today, you hug him? I'm very upset," he said, looking straight into her eyes. "I'm sorry," she said. "I'm a very loyal and possessive man. Just because I haven't kissed or touched you doesn't mean I can't. Now, what will you do to make it up to me?" "I... I will..." "You will what?" "I will sit on your lap and feed you," she said. "From now on, you'll do this every morning and night."

believe - some bible facts by jazmeu70

-🌌- ever looked up at the stars and wonder where it all came from? How everything really came to be and wondered if there really is a being out there who put it all together? I mean.. is God real? This book talks about many facts and evidences of the Bible. This will help anyone who has any kind of doubt towards the existence of God or struggles to believe. Maybe you're not a christian and you just so happen to come across this book out of randomly. Well whoever you are, feel free to read this even if you're not a christian, so it's up to you to give it a chance :) *some parts contain touchy topics

The Virus Within: Blood Moon (Book 3) by CrystalScherer

If you're a zombie, how far would you be willing to go to save the two people you care about the most? Season 3 of The Virus Within * * * * * Trinity isn't about to let anything stop her. Come hell or high water, she's determined to get Jess and Nicky back. And heaven help anyone who stands in her way. Whoever said 'Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned' had clearly never met a Nightstalker on the warpath. The blood moon is shedding its red light upon the night, and the hunt is on. The question remains, whose blood will be spilled first? And who will survive? Forget the dish soap. Grab the rutabagas and the firecrackers for this rescue mission.

The Cracks in the Labyrinth by ChristianNava0

Evoking the paranoid tension of Rosemary's Baby and the unnerving atmosphere of the cult horror film Jacob's Ladder, The Cracks in the Labyrinth is a disturbing psychological thriller set in present-day Caracas, where the government has devolved into a "democratic dictatorship"-a creepy suspense novel meant to challenge your deeper, subconscious fears of losing control. It consumed the sanity of an entire country... And it was not from this world. It couldn't have been. Whatever caused the incident known as "The Red Christmas" drove Venezuela into madness. Even ten years since it happened, none of the survivors of that night dare to attempt to make sense of it all, including Adam. Living ostracized to hide from the brutal way of life in Caracas, he's working tirelessly as an online writer to help his brother and sister flee the country. Now, as he's about to have enough money to take them to safety, he receives an email from his old girlfriend ... which is remarkable, considering she's been presumed dead for years. Adam tries to think nothing of the email or the broken video file attached to it. He convinces himself that it has to be a computer virus of some kind until he discovers something terrifying: the video might link his sister to the worst night of his life, the night his girlfriend went missing, the night of "The Red Christmas". Then he realizes this could be a threat; his sister's life could be in danger. As he starts to investigate who sent the video, Adam begins to uncover dark truths about his neighbors and finds evidence that there might be a larger conspiracy at play. The problem is that he's starting to suffer from hellish hallucinations that make him question what is real. Soon, the only clear thing to him is that someone doesn't want him to dig up the past. Will Adam be able to stay sane long enough to find out what really happened the night of "The Red Christmas"? Will he succeed in helping his family escape the country?

You Are My Mine by yoonshweyeethoon

အချစ်လား..ဟက်..cigarettes သောက်တာလောက် စိတ်ဝင်စားဖို့မကောင်းဘူး...

The Rider's Legend by SaoiMarie

Hated by the people she's sworn to protect, dragon rider Neely Lynch searches for her stolen dragon while struggling to control the dark powers inside her. ***** After the Culling of Naughton -- a horrific slaughter that led to the murder of several dragon riders and the destruction of two separate armies -- Neely Lynch is on the warpath. Unbeknownst to most, Neely and her friends survived the Culling and are determined to reunite with their kidnapped dragons at any cost (even if that means leaving a trail of broken and bloody bodies behind them). But finding her dragon soon becomes the least of her problems when Neely discovers her disappearance after the Culling has only added to her reputation as the infamous Vidalin Rider. Hated and scorned by the people she's sworn to protect, Neely must find a way to prove she's not the villain everyone thinks she is before her dark and deadly powers, which are slowly growing beyond her control, transform her into the very thing she's trying not to be. [The Rider's Legend can be read as Book 3 in The Rider series, or as a standalone -- but note that it will spoil Book 1 and 2] [[word count: 150,000-200,000 words]]

Distantly Falling Stars (GRAND WINNER * ONC 2019) by Di_Rossi

Seti, a humble civil servant at the Office of Information, is selected for an important mission to retrieve a cluster of 'fallen stars' with very special, and very secret, properties. But why has he -- ambitionless and without influence as he is -- been chosen? And just who wants these particular stars at all costs? As Seti becomes more and more involved in the machinations of shadowy figures, he realises he has his own personal mission to fulfil, and it has nothing to do with the one he was selected for. Distantly Falling Stars is punk genre thriller set in ancient Egypt following the 2019 Open Novella II prompt #2. (Wicked Meteors) Cover by FlavoredWolf ⭐️ Placed 2nd in the 2nd round of the ONC. ⭐️ Grand winner of the ONC 2019 ⭐️ 2nd place in The Historical Award 2019 (Historical Fiction profile)

Wendizzy's Writer Room by Wendizzy

In this book, you'll get a behind the scenes look at how your favorite characters were born, my creative process, and the dirty details never before revealed. Tex's Camp Q&A: Come sit by the fire and ask me whatever you'd like. We can roast marshmallows, tell scary stories, and hang out in the comments like a big, happy family. Gator's Backstage Pass: A place full of secrets. Learn the-sometimes embarrassing-details on how my wildest scenes came to life, facts about the characters, the process, and myself.

Arcanae [Arc I - Completed] by exLyrical

In an oceanic realm littered with traces of Magick, Crescent Isle had always been the odd one out. For aeons on end, it had been sheltered from the remainder of the world, seemingly as though an enormous invisible dome had been set in place around its waters to ward off dangers, paving the way for a prosperous golden age. However, darkness finally rises to the forefront across the Thirteenth Sea. Pirates, eyes glued onto the island's vast wealth and riches, invade the capital city, Silvermoon Wharf. Crescent Isle's defences hold through arduous tribulations but at a significant cost; with a timeless relic tarnished, a great evil is one step closer to emerging. In the calamity's wake, Cynthia Pryce meets a mysterious albeit familiar old man with but a single request for her to join his longspun journey across the sea to restore the distorted balance between light and darkness. Intrigued by the offer, the girl breaks free of her roots. Suddenly exposed to the vast entirety of the Thirteenth Sea, Cynthia steers down a rocky path of a new reality as she comes to terms with the horrifying state of global unrest. ------------------------------------------ Arc I - Origins - Chapters 1 - 20, Finished Transition I - Chapters 21 - 29, Finished Arc 2 - Dawn of Magick - Ongoing

The Faeries of Dulwich Woods by DulwichFaerie

Shy, lonely tween, Avery Shaw, is struggling with the isolating effects of bereavement on her family when, through a strange misunderstanding, she is dragged into a fantastical, magical realm and forced to defend herself before a faerie court. She wins the faeries over with her honesty and bravery; they come to respect her humanity and soon rely on her to resolve various knotty problems that require a mortal touch. But Avery makes a powerful enemy when she thwarts the plans of the hobgoblin Puck; when he kidnaps her mother in revenge, will her fae friends be there to save the day? Copyright, 2019: all rights reserved. Do not reproduce this book in any form.

A Different Virus: Heartfire by CrystalScherer

In the future, everyone who's bitten by a zombie turns into one... until Diane doesn't. Seven days later, she's facing consequences she never imagined. * * * * * As civilization collapses under a relentless wave of zombies, Diane and her friends take shelter in a military base. However, while she's rescuing another survivor, Diane gets bitten by one of the monsters. She hides it and runs away, knowing she only has days left to live. But she soon discovers she isn't turning into a zombie - she's turning into something else. --------- Excerpt: I looked up and stared. My reflection looked back at me in the mirror of the dark room. My eyes were literally glowing, there was no mistaking it. It was not a reflection of light, or any of the other excuses I had used or others had assumed. They were glowing a light sapphire blue color. It was not a bright glow, but it was definitely a glow. Glowing eyes were not normal. Okay, at this point I had to admit it, I was no longer normal. What was I then? For that, I had no answer [[Word count: 495,000]] Copyright August 2016. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world* and *zombie rules* as long as credit is given. Cover was lovingly made by JimenaVivancoo.

The Virus Within (Original rough draft) by CrystalScherer

Back by popular request! The 2017 rough draft of The Virus Within! (Caution: Contains massive plotholes that were fixed in the polished The Virus Within Series. Grammar issues are present, particularly missing commas.) What do you do when you are one of the infected? The virus in my blood is trying to steal my humanity. It alters my very thoughts and reactions. It taunts me by tempting me with desires that it planted in my brain. These bloodthirsty desires would lead to my demise if I ever gave in. I have more in common with the zombies than with humans at this point. Even the fallen zombies accept me as one of their own. Blood is required to retain my grip on sanity, but the sweet-smelling blood from humans is a short path to madness. Human blood is to be avoided at all costs. Humankind around the world was driven close to extinction by the sudden appearance of the zombies, yet small groups of survivors constantly manage to appear and put my control to the test. -------------------------- This is a standalone zombie book. It has nothing to do with A Different Virus. I wanted to try a book with an easily irritated main character and a nutcase secondary character. This book has a slightly darker outlook at the beginning than my usual stories, but it has some humor further along. Definitely not a horror story, although it has its share of action. 4 updates a week: Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, Friday! Copyright April 2017. All Rights Reserved. Readers may not copy, alter, or steal this story. Fanfictions are allowed to use my *world* and *zombie ranks* as long as credit is given.

The Black Swan Ghost (#1.5 Penderry's Bizarre) by JoanneWeaver

Cursed with clairvoyance, Millicent Sinclair has been seeing ghosts for years. More annoyingly, she can hear them, speak with them, and worst of all, feel their clammy, cold touch. She takes no nonsense from the dead (or the living, for that matter), but an overnight stay at the haunted 'Black Swan Inn' leads to more than she bargained for. A short story for Christmas. ~Selected by Crimson Peak (sponsored Reading List 'Historical Horror')

Dragon Rising by KatrinHollister

When dragons brawl after millennia of peace, Aeris loses her entire family in the ensuing war. After ten years of hiding underground from powerful families seeking her Draconian blood, Aeris's hopes for restoring balance depend on reviving her family's fallen dragon Khaus. As a vengeful voice invades her head, Aeris resolves to destroy the man who took away everything. Soon, her mind and body are not her own and she finds herself a pawn in a dragon's game since the dawn of time. Humans are not her only enemies... Content warning: This story contains some violence and death. [[Winner of the Wattys 2014]] [[Winner of the "Junior Award" as Second Place in The Write Awards 2014]] [[Featured fantasy book by Wattpad]]

Dark Snow White (Grimmoire Series) by AtomicNicky

What if Snow White wasn't so good after all? Eleanor, the Queen of RedCrest presides over the kingdom with her son, Floran. The time since the war has been peaceful, until one day when a mysterious woman arrives on horseback, bloodied, dirtied and with an arrow embedded in her shoulder. The woman is revealed to be Snow White, who causes quite a stir with the residents of RedCrest. Everyone takes quite the liking to her, including Floran. Everyone except Queen Eleanor, that is, who believes that Snow White is harbouring a secret. A deadly secret. (Featured in Fantasy during 2015)

The Virus Within: Third Wave (Book 2) by CrystalScherer

The third wave is looming, mere weeks away, but in the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse, problems never come just one at a time. Season 2 of The Virus Within * * * * * Life isn't easy, and that's doubly true when you're a zombie surrounded by humans, a crazy redhead, and a far-too-curious scientist. Once you add in a long-lost sister and a Terror who doesn't know how to zombie, peace and quiet are the last things you'll find. Reports of a Nightstalker attack come mere weeks before the third wave is due, and Trinity is one of the few who have the necessary skills to take on such a zombie. Leaving her sister in the safety of the Stronghold, Trinity joins the rest of the group as they embark on a road trip to locate the feral creature before it can kill anyone else. Trouble looms on the horizon like a thunderstorm, and where there's thunder, there's lightning. You better pack your dish soap because the third wave isn't waiting for anyone. Cover designed by Marie Tilmant

Things You Don't Necessarily Need to Know - Useless Facts by JasperOnPeppered

Just a book with some random facts about anything and everything. (Formerly 'Factastic! - Random Facts') ✁_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ #779 Random - 08/04/16 #756 Random - 12/04/16 #652 Random - 15/04/16 #585 Random - 17/04/16

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The Lost Prince (The Shadowdancer Chronicles, Book One) cover

Vampires in Space cover

🔞𝐍𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐥*☠︎︎ˢᵉˣ 𝐾𝐻𝑚𝑒𝑟🔞 « 𝑬𝑵𝑯𝒀𝑷𝑬𝑵 » cover

𝗗𝗲𝘀𝗶𝗿𝗲 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗗𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗰𝘆 cover

believe - some bible facts cover

The Virus Within: Blood Moon (Book 3) cover

The Cracks in the Labyrinth cover

You Are My Mine cover

The Rider's Legend cover

Distantly Falling Stars (GRAND WINNER * ONC 2019) cover

Wendizzy's Writer Room cover

Arcanae [Arc I - Completed] cover

The Faeries of Dulwich Woods cover

A Different Virus: Heartfire cover

The Virus Within (Original rough draft) cover

The Black Swan Ghost (#1.5 Penderry's Bizarre) cover

Dragon Rising cover

Dark Snow White (Grimmoire Series) cover

The Virus Within: Third Wave (Book 2) cover

Things You Don't Necessarily Need to Know - Useless Facts cover

The Lost Prince (The Shadowdancer Chronicles, Book One)

Three decades ago the realm bled. Today, The Lost Prince lives. Kareth is a legend, a mythical hero; a brigand who just so happens to be the Prince of Panthos, the realm The Silent King destroyed three decades before. Kareth is real, he is alive, and he is looking for vengeance. The only problem is, The Silent King, his mortal enemy, happens to be his father. **** The second book of The Shadowdancer Chronicles is now live! Check out The Tree of Black and White and let me know what you think!