Funny Statuses [Book Two] - penguin5689 - Wattpad

Funny Statuses [Book Two]

Reads 11,663
Votes 689
Parts 200
Time 25m

Reads 11,663
Votes 689
Parts 200
Time 25m

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***[Book Two]*** 

Want a good laugh? Bored? Tired of the same old boring statuses on Facebook, Twitter, etc? Can't think of something hilarious or quite witty to post as your status? Have no fear, penguin5689 is here!! Here to bring you some of the most hilarious statuses known to man, and several known to monkey. I thought, well if everyone else can do it, so can I! It's time to add some spice to your life...All Rights Reserved

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BHA males x seme male Ghoul reader op by Pegmen2020

❗WARNINGS❗ (Btw this really got off topic) _________________ Cannibalism Drugs Cussing Gore Self-harm Depression Murder Abuse (Mentality, Physically and Emotionally) Anxiety disorder Panic attack disorder Complex trauma Madness(crazy\Psychotic tendencies) No mercy 18+ content Dark humor Dirty jokes

𝘿𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙇𝙔 𝙊𝘽𝙎𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉 || 𝙅𝙀𝙊𝙉 𝙅𝙐𝙉𝙂𝙆𝙊𝙊𝙆 by talesofdessertsoul

𝘼 𝙈𝙖𝙛𝙞𝙖 𝙍𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 " 𝙇𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙞𝙨 𝙖𝙣 𝘼𝙧𝙩. 𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙙𝙧𝙖𝙬 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙥𝙞𝙘𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙧𝙩𝙡𝙮, 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙚 𝙞𝙩'𝙡𝙡 𝙗𝙚 𝙡𝙞𝙫𝙚𝙡𝙮. " ~ 𝘼𝙇𝙀𝘾𝙏𝙍𝙊𝙉𝘼 𝙀𝙑𝘼𝙉𝙎 🦋💐🖌️ " 𝙎𝙪𝙣 ! 𝘼𝙛𝙩𝙚𝙧 𝙖 𝙇𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝘿𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙉𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩 , 𝙢𝙮 𝙡𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙨 𝙖 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙨𝙪𝙣𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙚! 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙞𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙩 𝙖𝙜𝙖𝙞𝙣! 𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣'𝙩 𝙠𝙣𝙤𝙬 𝙞𝙛 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙡𝙡𝙨 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙊𝙧 𝙈𝙮 𝘿𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙇𝙔 𝙊𝘽𝙎𝙀𝙎𝙎𝙄𝙊𝙉, 𝘽𝙪𝙩 𝙄'𝙡𝙡 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙢𝙮 𝙨𝙪𝙣 𝙜𝙤 𝙖𝙬𝙖𝙮 ! 𝙄 𝙣𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙜𝙤 𝙎𝙪𝙣! " ~ 𝙅𝙀𝙊𝙉 𝙅𝙐𝙉𝙂𝙆𝙊𝙊𝙆 🥂👄🔪 𝙒𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙬𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙝𝙖𝙥𝙥𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙖 𝙙𝙖𝙣𝙜𝙚𝙧𝙤𝙪𝙨 𝙈𝙖𝙛𝙞𝙖 𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙡𝙮 𝙤𝙗𝙨𝙚𝙨𝙨𝙞𝙤𝙣 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙗𝙚𝙖𝙪𝙩𝙞𝙛𝙪𝙡 𝙬𝙞𝙛𝙚? 𝘼 𝙙𝙖𝙧𝙠 𝙧𝙤𝙢𝙖𝙣𝙘𝙚 𝙗𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙞𝙩 𝙞𝙨. 𝙈𝙖𝙩𝙪𝙧𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙩𝙚𝙣𝙩 𝘼𝙝𝙚𝙖𝙙. 𝙍𝙚𝙖𝙙 𝙖𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙧𝙞𝙨𝙠. 𝙄𝙛 𝙮𝙤𝙪'𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙞𝙣 𝙨𝙢𝙪𝙩 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙠𝙞𝙥 𝙞𝙩. 𝙐𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙮 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙙𝙞𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣𝙨 𝙞𝙩 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙥𝙞𝙚𝙙 𝙤𝙧 𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙣𝙨𝙡𝙖𝙩𝙚 .

☆ 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐖𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐆𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬|ˢˣˢ☆ by slutszn4me

𝙶𝚡𝙶 𝙾𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝𝚜 #𝟸 𝚘𝚗 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚋𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔 [𝟷𝟸/𝟸𝟼/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺] #𝟷 𝚘𝚗 𝙼𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚋𝚢𝚖𝚎 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔 [𝟷𝟸/𝟸𝟽/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺] #𝟷 𝚘𝚗 𝚕𝚒𝚝𝚝𝚕𝚎𝚋𝚒𝚝𝚘𝚏𝚎𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢𝚝𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚐 [𝟷𝟸/𝟸𝟽/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺] #𝟷 𝚘𝚗 𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚋𝚒𝚊𝚗𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚜𝚑𝚘𝚝 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔 [𝟷𝟸/𝟹𝟶/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺] #𝟷 𝚘𝚗 𝚜𝚝𝚞𝚍 𝚛𝚊𝚗𝚔 [𝟶𝟷/𝟶𝟸/𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟺]

Reality of Reality|goodguyfitz¹ by crimson_treetops

We have Calcium in our bones Iron in our veins Carbon in our souls and Nitrogen in our brains 93% stardust with souls made of Flames we are all just stars with people names a goodguyfitz fanfiction social media format (it's an experience) this is one of the funniest books I've ever written, and it's only funny to me because I have those spicy dad jokes you hear lowercase intended updated when I feel like it (probably once a week at some point) all credit @ me lol t.w. mentions of violence, drugs, alcohol, and other mature themes. read at your own risk, babies. there's def gonna be smut this time, guys, but it won't be too bad, I promise. p.s.a. people like to give me and other writers shit about oc books. leave it alone. it's my work and I want to share it because I put time and effort into it. I'm not here to please every individual person. my style of writing is just different from yours. ~negative comments will be deleted~ ~don't dm your hate, you pussies~ highest rankings #71 out of 1.99K in #misfits #91 out of 2.06K in #fitz #4 out of 452 in #socialmediastory reached 1K on 13/08/19 reached 2K on 20/09/19

I won't be impressed by technology until I can download food by hjerterdame

Hello there fellow humans. Get ready to listen to my story. If you can... Understand my humor... Then... You will love this... "Batman out" *Hits a wall* "To be or not to be" "Wait, wrong answer" Highest ranking: 2 in humor. Wait... 2 as in 2! Wow! This is my life folks. No I'm not kidding. It's all for real! Now I must get back to my Toothless plush named Batman!

The Sex God's Trilogy by Youreguiltypleasure

"You have no fucking idea how long I've been wanting to do this." He started with my heals as he kneeled between my legs. He removed the right one first dragging it out as he grazed my foot with his fingertips. The next one came off and my breath hitched as his gaze trained on the soaking wet spot between my legs. "Do you wax or shave?" "Wax." My voice was quiet making sure to mind my vocabulary. His intake of breath followed by his hands trailing up and up until it reached the zipper of my dress. Unzipping me he stood up to tug the dress off me to fall on the floor. My white lacy set of borrowed lingerie were fully exposed to him now and he was taking his time to look me over. As if I was some prized possession he's always wanted. He undid the white bra making my breasts bounce. "Spread your legs for me." ********* Rose Chase, dedicated med student had her entire life planned out. Until the day she walked into her apartment to find her boyfriend fucking her guy best friend. Devastated and questioning her own sexiness she rushes in the club with a vendetta a world now knew who she was.. Mason Coldwell, spoiled rotten sex god and ex friend of Rose Chase. Going out one night for a night of fun after revealing Rose's identity to the world. He goes out to a club to alleviate the old scars Rose opened up and to his surprise finds the very virgin Rose in his bed in the morning. At least she WAS a virgin. Who would have thought, the man she thought to be her demise, might be her salvation. (Mature scenes 18+ recommended to read) Highest rating #2 in romcom. ;)

Aᴘᴏᴄᴀʟʏᴘsᴇ|Jsᴄʜʟᴀᴛᴛ × Rᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ by gaywvresident

[𝙲𝚘𝚖𝚙𝚕𝚎𝚝𝚎] [𝚂𝙼𝚄𝚃 𝚆𝙰𝚁𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙶] [𝙵𝚊𝚗𝚍𝚘𝚖: 𝚈𝚘𝚞𝚝𝚞𝚋𝚎𝚛𝚜] 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚘𝚛𝚕𝚍 𝚐𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚊 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚙𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚌 𝚊𝚜 𝚊 𝚟𝚒𝚛𝚞𝚜 𝚜𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚜 𝚝𝚞𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚑𝚞𝚖𝚊𝚗𝚜 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚕𝚎𝚜𝚑 𝚎𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚜. 𝚈𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚛𝚎𝚜𝚌𝚞𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚊 𝚐𝚛𝚘𝚞𝚙 𝚘𝚏 𝚋𝚘𝚢𝚜, 𝚘𝚗𝚎 𝚘𝚏 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚖 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚏𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚒𝚗 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚝𝚑. 𝙳𝚘 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚜𝚞𝚛𝚟𝚒𝚟𝚎? 𝙳𝚘𝚎𝚜 𝚑𝚎 𝚕𝚘𝚟𝚎 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚊𝚜 𝚖𝚞𝚌𝚑 𝚊𝚜 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚍𝚘? 𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍 𝚝𝚘 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚍 𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝙰𝚙𝚘𝚌𝚊𝚕𝚢𝚙𝚜𝚎 𝙰𝚄 𝙹𝚜𝚌𝚑𝚕𝚊𝚝𝚝 × 𝙵𝚎𝚖!𝚁𝚎𝚊𝚍𝚎𝚛 [𝚂𝚝𝚊𝚛𝚝𝚎𝚍: 𝙽𝚘𝚟 𝟻, 𝟸0𝟸𝟸] [𝙴𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚍: 𝙽𝚘𝚟 𝟷, 𝟸0𝟸𝟹] 𝙸𝙼𝙿𝚁𝙴𝚂𝚂𝙸𝚅𝙴 𝚃𝙰𝙶𝚂 #1 - philzaminecraft (𝟸0𝟸𝟺)

Tyler Talk [Complete] by KillerCatZiller

The book of random shtick that I will probably update the most because I made it as an excuse to write in a book as constant as possible on wattpad and if you tried to read this out loyd you probably could not say it in one breath without involuntarily taking a breath.... I think my thumb grew a muscle when I wrote this. xD.

Ghostface, My Little Slut(𝒓𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒆𝒓 𝒙 𝑮𝒉𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒇𝒂𝒄𝒆) by michaelmyers_whore69

"Please," he begs, his voice strained and dripping with need. "Don't stop... don't you dare stop.." ************ Book 2 in the Ghostface series;) It was a rare sight to see the roles reverse quite drastically like this, he was the one begging for me to come..... 𝑾𝒉𝒂𝒕 𝒅𝒊𝒅 𝒉𝒆 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆? 𝒑𝒂𝒊𝒏? 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒖𝒓𝒆? 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒊𝒎𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒘𝒂𝒔 𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒕𝒖𝒓𝒏 𝒕𝒐 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒖𝒃, 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒉𝒆 𝒘𝒐𝒖𝒍𝒅 𝒃𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒐𝒏𝒆 𝒃𝒆𝒈𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒑𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒅𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒇𝒐𝒓 𝒓𝒆𝒍𝒆𝒂𝒔𝒆.... 𝕄𝕒𝕥𝕦𝕣𝕖 𝕔𝕠𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕟𝕥, 𝕧𝕚𝕖𝕨𝕖𝕣 𝕕𝕚𝕤𝕔𝕣𝕖𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 𝕒𝕕𝕧𝕚𝕤𝕖𝕕♥︎ 𝐏art 1 of this series makes more sense by the way please do check that out if you haven't already;)

The Group Chat by CEQueens

This story is based off of actual conversations my friends and I have in our group chat. It all started with a simple crush. Maybe this all would have been avoided if said crush wasn't sitting at the same table as me and all the friends I wanted to talk to about him. Then Avery came up with the perfect solution: just make a group chat with everyone at the table except him! Brilliant... right? Follow the wonderful (and sad) story of my friends and I as we have GIF wars, see kidnappers, and tp houses. This story is based off of the group chat conversation, but NOT ALL OF THIS STUFF ACTUALLY HAPPENED. You'll understand why I want to make this abundantly clear soon.

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❗WARNINGS❗ (Btw this really got off topic) _________________ Cannibalism Drugs Cussing Gore Self-harm Depression Murder Abuse (Mentality, Physically and Emotionally) Anxiety disorder Panic attack disorder Complex trauma Madness(crazy\Psychotic tendencies) No mercy 18+ content Dark humor Dirty jokes