The Player, The Cynic, The Cliché, and Her Spongebob Panties

I, Bonnie Ann Clyde, am glad that Logan Jace Richards left. My Spongebob panties were none of his business when we were nine. Eight years later and it still isn't his business. Now, he's back and he's making it his business. It was unexpected. I never thought he would come back. You know what they say. Expect the unexpected. What else could be worse than that? Oh, right. Falling in love with the one man you truly hate.
That is unexpected.