If I Knew Then - MyriamRow - Wattpad

Story cover for If I Knew Then by MyriamRow

If I Knew Then

Reads 411
Votes 97
Parts 29
Time 5h 44m

Reads 411
Votes 97
Parts 29
Time 5h 44m

Mature

They say life is a gift. You're supposed to smile and be grateful, but there comes a time when you realize that living a lie is no way to live. And when you reach your lowest, you either go to great extents to feel something, anything, even if pain, or you go to even greater extent to end it all... I opted for the latter. Maybe you would call me foolish. A coward or selfish, even, but I could not continue living the way I did...
In some twisted twist of faith, they want me to come back to life. They want me to help a girl that is soon to share my faith. Amelia Taylor deserves to be saved, but I know that love and friendship don't cure mental illnesses. What can I possibly do to save this girl?

This is a spin off to my novel, For You. Jaxson is Addilyn's spiritual guide in this story.
This story explores mature content of suicide and self-harm, and might be triggering to some. I don't dive into details of self-harm, but it is mentioned.

** Still in the editing process

Canadian suicide crisis line: 9-8-8All Rights Reserved

Table of contents

29 parts

Sign up to add If I Knew Then to your library and receive updates

or

Content Guidelines

You may also like

A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔ by wigglysubu

[Featured by wattpad romance, teen fiction, young adult and psychologicalnovel] Joy Jones was a seventeen-year-old kind and optimistic girl working in her grandpa's flower shop, but she had a secret. She was suffering from acute lymphoblastic leukaemia and wanted nothing, but to die peacefully. That was until Logan Kellerman, a young man with suicidal tendencies came storming into her life and stole roses from her grandpa's flower shop. Instead of running away with what he came for, he found himself falling deeper and deeper into her as she made his heart skip in delight, for she was, in her own words, a little bit of Joy. * * * from some of my readers of this book, thanks❤- ❝I LOVE YOUR STORY OKAY. THIS STORY AND YOUR WRITING- IT GIVES ME HOPE YOU KNOW.❞ - aimawrites ❝This is so different than so many stereotypical stories on here and i'm so glad i read it.❞ -lepus_leporis ❝They're both so poetic and beautiful and perfect for each other. GAHHhh I love them.❞ - alycecaswell ❝The way she vividly describes the world makes me so happy. Heat keeps rushing to my cheeks in pure euphoric joy. This book is making me so grateful for everything around me and I never want it to end.❞ - nylammeeyn [highest rank: 7 in sad] [cover by soulanatomy]

REMINISCENT by Lil_oh_me

CHAPTERS EDITED☑️ "Do i remember?" I stare back confused "Do you remember..." she starts then looks down contemplating whether she should continue or not. She then takes a deep breath and looks back into my eyes " do you even remember how you got it?" She asks. I furrow my brows in thought but i surprisingly don't remember how it happened. "or when? Or where? Or for what reason? Or what it even means?!" She snaps agitated by my silence. I look into her searching eyes, all i see is a sad broken girl, then I look at the sand beneath my feet in hopes of remembering when exactly i got it. I tried remembering but nothing popped up. I let out a frustrated breath and ran a hand through my hair. I look back at her about to answer but she reads my expression knowing my answer "you don't remember" she nods knowingly __________________________________________ The craziest thing happened... Ashley was involved in an accident with her boyfriend and his parents three years ago ,which left her traumatized. After the accident, Aiden went into a coma for a year, losing the memories of his love life and the love of his life 'Ashley'. Will she lose the little hope she has left of him remembering?... And will he remember in time? ........... Disclaimer I started this book when I was still new with this writing stuff, I haven't written much of anything really so the first few chapters are probably not even good but please give it a chance I promise the chapters get better ........ ⚠ warning ⚠ Mature language Mental health challenges Annoying scenes Heart breaking moments

Everything Hurts by analiciapaloma

I knew what was coming later tonight, not only at home, but on the way there. I knew that reacting right now would just make it worse though. So I kept quiet and pretended that I was not dreading when I would be alone with the man that stood beside me, wondering when it became so normal to do so. Jason and Alicia have the perfect relationship from the outside looking in, but Alicia has kept her wounded spirit and body hidden well. After another one of Jason's violent rages that is impossible to hide, Alicia is finally able to get away from the abuse though. In the process of healing, she begins to relearn what trust, compassion, and safety are once again - that is, until Jason discovers her whereabouts. All Rights Reserved © Copyrights analiciapaloma 2014 © 2017 edits by Analicia Feliciano Book Cover Design by Analicia Feliciano (FIRST FOUR CHAPTERS *ORIGINAL AND UNEDITED* AVAILABLE HERE. PUBLISHED E-BOOK/PAPERBACK EDITION AVAILABLE ON AMAZON. LINK IN BIO.)

I'm Sorry (Watty Nominated 2019) by GirlsDeadMonsterxx

"I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for being so emotional all the time. I'm sorry for hurting myself the way i do. I'm sorry for pushing everyone away. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry for making you hate me. I'm sorry for being here. I'm sorry for existing. I'm sorry for being the way i am. I'm sorry for being me." Amelia Cunningham. Epitome of Social Outcast. No friends. Just her trusty diary and occasional panic attacks. She is the perfect student, perfect daughter. She smiles like the sun shines down just for her, but nobody knows how broken she really is. Nobody sees the cracks and cuts beneath the beautiful facade she puts up. Nobody but Nikolai. And he might just be able to save her from herself. Because he believes that he's been given a second chance to save someone like her for a reason. And he would make sure he saves her no matter what.

If I Try (Lesbian Story) by Balueyes

My life in ruins, this is where I'm at currently. I was living a lie, lying to people and most importantly to myself. You can act straight all you want, you can try to convince yourself that, but no matter how hard you try. The truth is always revealed. What did I do? I stroked her face, and told her she was still beautiful, then I bent down and kissed her. One of those soft, yet deep, gut wrenching, I'll always love you, but I have to let you go, goodbye kisses. Then I rested my forehead on hers and closed my eyes. I saw the past that we had, all of the memories we had together, I took them in, I felt the feelings again, I processed them. Then I saw the dreams that we dreamed for our future, I saw all of our plans that we made, I felt them, I felt the pain of what would never be, and then I released it all. I didn't realize I was sobbing until I felt her hand graze over the tears. I opened my eyes, blinked away the tears I had left, and smiled. She returned my smile. We knew at that point that no matter what happened, we would be ok.............. This is my struggle, this is my journey. Join me for the ride, but make sure you wear your helmet.

Noah (Obsessions in Overdrive #1) by MarcelinePierson

I've always had a feeling that I would die young. Ever since I started pondering on deaths door I've had this feeling. I could care less about the hell and heaven shenanigans, but death. I want it. The end of my life. I want to be in my suit, in my coffin, in the ground and my soul to be gone. I've been waiting for 16 years, yet no sign of death opening his door no matter how many times I ring his doorbell. Yeah, I enjoy thinking about my end. Especially at moments like this... *** #1 physical #1 cuteguys #1 addiction #2 self-esteem *** Started: 7 November 2022 Finished: 18 April 2024

Falling Apart by 1_Will_3

*TRIGGER WARNING: DEALS WITH DEPRESSION, SELF HARM AND SUICIDE* Amber is sixteen years old and to sugarcoat it... She hasn't had the best upbringing. She would love a different life, one where she can see her mother again and not be stuck with her abusive father. A life where she doesn't get taunted and hit and torn apart by everyone who she has ever seen. But she would never swap, she doesn't want anyone to endure the pain she's gone through. So instead, she tries to get rid of it... Again. But much to her disbelief, she is saved by the people she would least expect. She learns secrets about them that no one else knows. She feels included. Cared for. And dare I say it... She felt loved. For once in her life, she felt truly happy to be alive. But just when Amber felt safe, her life was flipped upside down and her past came back to haunt her just when she least expected it... (Sorry, I suck at descriptions, don't let it put you off) Ranking: #64 in Awareness #15 in Mental Health Awareness #73 in saddness

I'll Be Holding on to You by FairlyLocalTreehouse

"Who would you live for? Who would you die for? . . . And would you ever kill?" Some people are just born with tragedy in their blood. Dorienne and her best friends definitely fall into that category, and have spend much of their lives recovering from surviving. When someone dares to hurt those they love, the gifted teens commit an untraceable act of vengeance and justice. But the harm has already been done, and in the aftermath they lose one of their own, leaving them reeling. Now in their early twenties, they find themselves shakily rising once more. New friends bring some much-needed happiness into their lives, as well as unexpected romance . . . even as love forms new ties within the group. Maybe there can be life after loss, however different it may be. "Okay, I know that there are terrible, terrible people out there, but listen. I also know that there are people who stop and stare at tiny plants growing out of sidewalk cracks, people who laugh so loud they snort, people who compliment others randomly, people who take pictures of their friends because they love seeing their friends happy, people who ramble about things that they're passionate about, people who blush and stutter, people who are kind, people who are warm, people who love and love and love and love." -Anonymous

Taunt by meepsahir

"Can we stop feeling guilty, Amelia? Guilty for all the things that weren't our fault." "We can Leo. Maybe someday." "That day isn't far off Amelia. I'll make sure of it." ___________________________________ There is a lot to think about when you find out your best friend has been raped and murdered. There is even more to think about when you're the last person she saw the night she died. But that's not what caused me to black out in the middle of a rocking party scene, surrounded by all the people I had known all my life. It was when I saw who had killed her. Hilarious, charming, the guy with the perfect quiff, and star quarter-back of the football team. He was loved by everyone. He was the guy you couldn't stay away from. Levi Harrison. My brother. ____________________________ #1 for General Fiction in The Grace Awards 2019 #1 College Romance 11/19 #3 Bullyingawareness 04/20 #2 Assault 06/20 • Started: August 2018 Ended: - January 2020 (Unedited) • WARNING: this book contains a mature theme, not suitable for all audiences. There are recurring themes of assault, mild depression, and violence. On the other hand: it'll put a big fat smile on your face! •Any media used belongs to it's rightful owners. No images or videos used belong to me.•

Logan by braindeadwriter06

*TW* Contains topics and scenes of sexual assault, self-harm, abuse.* "You know you loved every second of it," I can feel the tears welling up as well as the anger building up within me. I stare at him for a while before I have to turn away from his hungry gaze. "Look I just came here to tell you that I forgive you for what you did back in Cali and I'll take you back," "You forgive me?" I yell. "I did nothing to you. You raped me! You fucking raped me! You have no right to come here and tell me that. You. Forgive. Me. You traumatized me. What you did to me tore me up inside and was eating away at me until I tried to kill myself. And when I told people they didn't believe me. I had to listen to so many people talk about how great a guy you were and how I clearly just regretted sleeping with you. You are a monster. You made me hate myself for something that was never my fault. You have caused me so much pain and suffering," I pause to take a deep breath. "So you don't get to come here to my school and tell me you forgive me. You don't get to make me feel bad about coming forward. The only thing I regret is ever thinking you were a good person." _____________________________________________ Logan Young is a 16-year-old girl about to start her senior year in a brand new town. The past year has been tough and her family moved to give her a fresh start. Her life before the move had been hard and she had been spiraling. She quickly makes new friends and even enemies. She builds up walls to protect herself. But what happens when an unlikely person helps her to tear down her walls and heal. Will she be able to survive in this new place and keep her secrets intact?

You may also like

Slide 1 of 10

A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔ cover

REMINISCENT cover

Everything Hurts cover

I'm Sorry (Watty Nominated 2019) cover

If I Try (Lesbian Story) cover

Noah (Obsessions in Overdrive #1) cover

Falling Apart cover

I'll Be Holding on to You cover

A Little Bit Of Joy | ✔

[Featured by wattpad romance, teen fiction, young adult and psychologicalnovel] Joy Jones was a seventeen-year-old kind and optimistic girl working in her grandpa's flower shop, but she had a secret. She was suffering from acute lymphoblastic leukaemia and wanted nothing, but to die peacefully. That was until Logan Kellerman, a young man with suicidal tendencies came storming into her life and stole roses from her grandpa's flower shop. Instead of running away with what he came for, he found himself falling deeper and deeper into her as she made his heart skip in delight, for she was, in her own words, a little bit of Joy. * * * from some of my readers of this book, thanks❤- ❝I LOVE YOUR STORY OKAY. THIS STORY AND YOUR WRITING- IT GIVES ME HOPE YOU KNOW.❞ - aimawrites ❝This is so different than so many stereotypical stories on here and i'm so glad i read it.❞ -lepus_leporis ❝They're both so poetic and beautiful and perfect for each other. GAHHhh I love them.❞ - alycecaswell ❝The way she vividly describes the world makes me so happy. Heat keeps rushing to my cheeks in pure euphoric joy. This book is making me so grateful for everything around me and I never want it to end.❞ - nylammeeyn [highest rank: 7 in sad] [cover by soulanatomy]