Hehoo once again...soo...the reason why I wasn't active enough is because I had a toxifying history with it... and it mentally degraded me horrible to the point where I hated myself entirely and blamed my actions from the bottom of my soul and wish nothing for my existance and for all the pain I caused to certain individuals who I once called friends lost their trust on me where I was seen as a scum in their eyes permanently....
My mind couldn't handle it, I thought I was tougher as a battleship that can take any blows from artillaries, I was not able to forsee the cracks that cause the ship to sank down however and turns out I was weak and my fear of being laughed at for it may come. I was even more rotten than I realized and I couldn't see through my actions back then... sometimes when I come here I see my oldself being more cringy than me and even I couldn't consider myself as a better person till now even with the support I had but sometimes I do with confidence and bliss...in the end I couldn't bare myself anylonger