SirPenguinlots

I know no one will ever read this since I'm practically dead on this website. It's just hard for me to get back into creative writing since I'm so focused on school and my future career (not saying it's a bad thing, just wished I maintained a consistent interest). I wish I wasn't sad, stressed, and angry at COVID-19 and the abrupt end to my freshman year of college. My parents do not like my boyfriend, his home, his appearance-- they're such judgemental and close-minded people, and I hate that so much.
          	
          	They may know it or not, but they've created a toxic relationship with me, my brothers, and my sister. They refuse to listen to the other side of arguments, and it's terrible that I can't get my sister to change since she has been expose to their "parenting" for who knows how long. To add more fuel to the hellish fire, they now created a toxic relationship with my boyfriend and his family with their exposed deception. I questioned a lot since the past year if I ever will continue involving them in my life after college. I hate lying, masks, and when the people who helped birth you don't listen to you. Things can change; unfortunately, I don't think my parents will. I know I care for them and am grateful for the opportunities they've opened up, but I don't know if I love them.
          	
          	When or if I do return to campus, nothing will be the same. I thought 2017 or 2019 were the worst-- yeah, nah. I haven't felt like I wanted to die since middle school, and that feeling hit me so hard last month. Not for the same reason though-- I'm just a screwup with the people in my life like my friends, my first and my current boyfriend, my siblings, and the list probably goes on. I now completely realize I hold myself to a standard that is impossible and too high to reach, and I'm trying to keep myself more level-headed nowadays with remembering the good I've given and learning from my mistakes.
          	
          	I'm in summer classes to get my mind off of COVID-19 and try not to spend 5 years in college.

Ciel_the_Writer

Yo. Saw this a bit late but... i knew you in a group home once. I want you to know that you are not alone in this world, even if it feels like it right now, remember that you're not. There are people who care about you and I'm sure your boyfriend is one of them. Leaving everything you've ever known is hard, and I understand. Just know that I'm here for ya, and I get it. Always up to listen if you have to rant. 
          	  
          	  Please keep yourself safe and take time to heal. Get rid of ties to toxicity. You deserve better. ♡
          	  
          	  - Des
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kelseybluewolfe

You’re so much stronger than you realize, I promise. Keep taking those baby steps; they don’t have to be big ones! And that makes you a very kind person, but do put happiness time for yourself as well! You can write, draw, plot, or any creative thing that makes you feel better. Eat your favorite cereal (cookie, chips, fruits, etc., it doesn’t have to be cereal lol), listen to the best songs you know, and do spend your free hours on your favorite things as long as they make you happy! 
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SirPenguinlots

@alexbluewolf Yeah, anything that generates some creative thinking helps a lot with distracting myself. Thank you, I don't see myself as strong as I want to be, but it's always baby steps that should be more recognized to reach the end goal. I like to make others happy first, and that brings me happiness. So, uh I guess that doesn't always work out, lol.
          	  
          	  Take care of yourself too! I want you to be happier than I am
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astrxphilx_

this message may be offensive
Hey there,
          
          I was wondering if you are still active on this account if you are I need some helping, so sorry for trouble but I feel too confused for it.
          
          So I'm not much into romance and stuff but I do believe most guys fall for girl's personality traits whereas in most Naruto fanfictions they make love at first sight- though it's not gonna be much accurate I mostly follow what most stories have in love life but the thing is half of shit doesn't make sense but I'm planning to write a Naruto story Giving spot light to ships which were not worked on a,side characters too, female characters development clans exploration which weren't in canon and Adding a bit of my own ocs to it.
          
          I'm trying hard not to make them seem like Mary Sue which they are... At some points. So how do I fix that?
          
          And there's an oc which is going to be love interest of Itachi but I'm not sure how to do it
          
          I can make a lovely romantic story out of ships like sasusaku, narusaku, naruhina even SASUHINA but when it comes to oc I'm a sucker.
          
          
          I read your naruto rants book and I thought you could help , and thanks for reading this big mess 

SirPenguinlots

I know no one will ever read this since I'm practically dead on this website. It's just hard for me to get back into creative writing since I'm so focused on school and my future career (not saying it's a bad thing, just wished I maintained a consistent interest). I wish I wasn't sad, stressed, and angry at COVID-19 and the abrupt end to my freshman year of college. My parents do not like my boyfriend, his home, his appearance-- they're such judgemental and close-minded people, and I hate that so much.
          
          They may know it or not, but they've created a toxic relationship with me, my brothers, and my sister. They refuse to listen to the other side of arguments, and it's terrible that I can't get my sister to change since she has been expose to their "parenting" for who knows how long. To add more fuel to the hellish fire, they now created a toxic relationship with my boyfriend and his family with their exposed deception. I questioned a lot since the past year if I ever will continue involving them in my life after college. I hate lying, masks, and when the people who helped birth you don't listen to you. Things can change; unfortunately, I don't think my parents will. I know I care for them and am grateful for the opportunities they've opened up, but I don't know if I love them.
          
          When or if I do return to campus, nothing will be the same. I thought 2017 or 2019 were the worst-- yeah, nah. I haven't felt like I wanted to die since middle school, and that feeling hit me so hard last month. Not for the same reason though-- I'm just a screwup with the people in my life like my friends, my first and my current boyfriend, my siblings, and the list probably goes on. I now completely realize I hold myself to a standard that is impossible and too high to reach, and I'm trying to keep myself more level-headed nowadays with remembering the good I've given and learning from my mistakes.
          
          I'm in summer classes to get my mind off of COVID-19 and try not to spend 5 years in college.

Ciel_the_Writer

Yo. Saw this a bit late but... i knew you in a group home once. I want you to know that you are not alone in this world, even if it feels like it right now, remember that you're not. There are people who care about you and I'm sure your boyfriend is one of them. Leaving everything you've ever known is hard, and I understand. Just know that I'm here for ya, and I get it. Always up to listen if you have to rant. 
            
            Please keep yourself safe and take time to heal. Get rid of ties to toxicity. You deserve better. ♡
            
            - Des
Reply

kelseybluewolfe

You’re so much stronger than you realize, I promise. Keep taking those baby steps; they don’t have to be big ones! And that makes you a very kind person, but do put happiness time for yourself as well! You can write, draw, plot, or any creative thing that makes you feel better. Eat your favorite cereal (cookie, chips, fruits, etc., it doesn’t have to be cereal lol), listen to the best songs you know, and do spend your free hours on your favorite things as long as they make you happy! 
Reply

SirPenguinlots

@alexbluewolf Yeah, anything that generates some creative thinking helps a lot with distracting myself. Thank you, I don't see myself as strong as I want to be, but it's always baby steps that should be more recognized to reach the end goal. I like to make others happy first, and that brings me happiness. So, uh I guess that doesn't always work out, lol.
            
            Take care of yourself too! I want you to be happier than I am
Reply

ZazoFlair09

The fact you made a continuation for the building our love means your such wholesome. Please don't change. 
          
          Ps : wholesome

SirPenguinlots

I’m glad you think so “highly” of the continuation, lol. While I wish I could keep it, it unfortunately will be removed from my Wattpad profile. However, I will move it to another site or just create a public google doc, whichever method will be appropriate. I’ll publicly link the new site, of course.
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SirPenguinlots

I am back into Pokémon, and wow, I love exploring the nuzlocke challenges and such on YT as well as learning about EV training and hidden abilities. Gonna try to get more invested into the different lores of the regions and games c:
          
          Also, I might be starting up a Redbubble or something soon ‘cuz I wanna build a resume for my major when I go job or internship hunting. No one is obligated to buy stuff; I just wanna put it out there for the heck of it.
          
          I know I am talking into an empty void, but whoever is reading this, I just wanna say hello, thank you, happy holidays, merry Christmas, happy new year, etc, because it’s crazy how you are still reading this despite my inactivity. You know a few of my highs and lows that I more or less keep away from people irl, and I wanna say thanks for taking time just to read this.
          
          I can’t bring myself to retire Wattpad yet, but I will be expanding into different sites. There currently is a Twitter account and AO3, and I plan to create a YouTube or Twitch channel some time in the future.

SirPenguinlots

Yo what is up y'all. As sad as it is to say, I will be deleting my Donald Trump X Bob the builder crack Fanfiction very soon. It is something I do not wish to be displayed to the public anymore, since it is not suitable to me personally.

SirPenguinlots

First week of college is over, and honestly, I’m both calm yet overwhelmed at the same time. I like the amount of time I have to myself but then realize that I need to use said time to do readings, assignments, and whatnot. I’ve found a few friends who I am trying my best to connect with, and I’ve joined a Kpop Dance Team. I will see if someone will be able to record so I can link it if y’all want (we might dance Dreamcatcher- PIRI, which I am excited for). I have yet to make any art for myself, and it’s hard for me to write out stuff here when I just can’t seem to spell it out right. I do have an idea of a plot thingy for this Pokémon Fanfiction, and I know how things will progress; however, I just can’t seem to put it out into words right. I wanna refine my writing, since HOOBOY, the ones here are uhhh not that great. I’ll probably teach myself to improve through whatever online resources I’ll find useful.
          
          I’m sorry for not being active, life is taking a weird turn. Maybe I’ll just make a Twitch channel for when I wanna stream doodling, but oof, gotta find time for that first of all.

SirPenguinlots

I don’t know if this is an appropriate place for me to say, but I will say it anyways.
          
          Today, a few hours ago: Due to the guy I cherish so much being far apart and having regulations and restrictions for the school he is attending, he says we can’t be a couple anymore and doesn’t know if he [said we, but I internally disagree] can maintain a long distance relationship. I am upset that he broke up with me, but I’m not upset at him. He is a great person and my best guy friend. I don’t ever want to sever an awesome connection I’ve made with him— that’s be throwing time away.
          
          I honestly was willing to maintain a LDR or at least try to, but I guess both sides couldn’t agree/thought the same.
          
          I am leaving for a different country in a few hours. The final date did feel a bit stiff today, and I assume that was because this situation was on his mind. He was a great first boyfriend, and although I am heartbroken, one thing is for sure:
          
          Don’t be sad that it’s gone, be happy that it happened.
          
          ^^reminder to myself
          
          So, yeah... summer is great. My support group is incredibly small (3 atm), but hopefully, strong.

SirPenguinlots

Me leaving my country for the summer is approaching very quickly, and I feel sad and all this negativity that’s hitting me. I hate being lonely and not seeing everyone I love (that’s not family) in 6 months. I know I said that already, but this wave keeps tackling me over and over again. I hate my life right now. I even had a nightmare of me being lonely in college.
          
          On another note, I’m gonna graduate in 2 days and have one last party with said people I love. Oh, and my boyfriend’s grad party was yesterday (conGRADtulations *kneeslapper*). Wish I talked with him more than just talk to my brothers and friend the entire time.
          
          Sorry for those reading this word barf of mine; I don’t have any other place to vent (my rl friends know my socials, and I don’t want them to read my negativity since I wanna be as positive towards them). I wish I didn’t feel so sad. I wish I didn’t have to go to another country for 2/3 of my summer break.

NikkoTrinity

@SirPenguinlots aww D': well just try to have a good time so you can tell your bf about it when you return ❤️
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SirPenguinlots

@NikkoTrinity By my parents, yes. I didn’t really have a choice.
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NikkoTrinity

@SirPenguinlots is the trip mandatory?
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SirPenguinlots

Holy crap I'm so nervous right now I'm just writing this his quality cuz I'm aaaaa gonna go in a third date and I plan to kiss my boyfriend but aaaaaaa the height discrepancy man oh my gosh I hope this is gonna turn out alright like holy crap he's gonna arrive any minute as I am typing this
          
          On another note, I hope I can push out a personal piece or clean doodle soon since I haven't done that for myself at all in the past 2 months.

NikkoTrinity

@SirPenguinlots (•̀ᴗ•́)و ̑̑ good luck!
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SirPenguinlots

*this quickly
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