Dead inside

Did you really want to die?
No one commits suicide because they want to die.
Then why do they do it?
They want to stop the pain.

There was no one to tell and Nowhere to hide. I kept the pain to myself while a part of me died.

Crap.
It's all crap.
Living is crap.
Life has no meaning.
None. Nowhere to be found.
Why doesn't anybody realize this?

It was easy enough to kill yourself in a fit of despair. It was easy enough to play the martyr. It was harder to do nothing. To endure your life. To wait.

Sometimes even to live is an act of courage.

Some people are just not meant to be in this world. It's just too much for them.

I didn't want to wake up. I was having a much better time asleep. And that's really sad. It was almost like a reverse nightmare, like when you wake up from a nightmare you're so relieved. I woke up into a nightmare.

I don't want to see anyone. I lie in the bedroom with the curtains drawn and nothingness washing over me like a sluggish wave. Whatever is happening to me is my own fault. I have done something wrong, something so huge I can't even see it, something that's drowning me. I am inadequate and stupid, without worth. I might as well be dead