My Goodbye

Untitled Part 1

Jackie,

Vik suggested putting my final thoughts to you in a sorta letter, I guess. I dunno how that'll help, but it's probably better than drinking myself into a coma every night. Man, I'm not good at writing letters anyways, besides, who still does that? It's 2077 for fucks sake. Whatever, I'll just get to it... rip the bandaid off.

Things went downhill for the most part since you...

Things haven't been the same lately, some good, some bad. You would've loved this, Jackie. Mama Welles and Misty seem to be getting along lately. Pampering her, sending her stuff, I know it's Mama's way to cope but Misty seems a bit concerned. Think about it though, she has the right to be, right? You guys mentioned that Mama didn't along with her too well anyways. Either she's trying to treat her like a daughter for what she lost, or she feels bad for how she treated Misty in the past, it's good to see they're getting along for the most part. I should probably give them both a call later, I haven't left my apartment in almost a week, I need to get outside before someone sends over a wellness check.

What else is exciting? Right. Remember that chip we were sent to fetch? Yeah, turns out it's a ticking time bomb ready to explode. Vik said if we try taking it out it'll kill me in an instant, but leaving it just kills me slowly. I'm twenty-three and I'm already dying and I can't get my ass outside to make it count. I know if you were still around you'd try to make every day count, well if you were still around this fuckin' chip wouldn't be an issue in the first place. Fuck Dex, fuck that whole heist, we should have stayed close to home.

I've been wondering when this whole moping around bullshit will end. I can't eat, I can't sleep, I can't even get out of bed most days to take a shower. Vik says it's normal, Misty says it's natural, but I don't feel right. I feel... not to sound dramatic, but I feel numb. I have no idea how that's considered normal, but I hate it, it better not be the new norm. In fact, today was the first time in an entire week I picked up Riot, you know how much I love that damn guitar and how much I play it, but I can't bring myself to do it. I remember when we got drunk and you wrote 'Jackie waz here' on it, it's still there, maybe that's part of the reason I can't even look at it. I've been thinking about gettin' a new guitar, but I haven't been picking up gigs lately so I'd feel like I'd be wastin' money on something I don't exactly need.

I've been rambling, I guess the point is I... really miss you, man. You weren't just a friend to me, you were my brother. When you fucked up my job I thought I was going to beat your ass, I didn't fuckin' expect you to invite me for lunch at Mama Welles' place, I thought you were high or some shit. Just... had a big heart, anyone who was close to you was damn lucky, never could find a friend or brother like you. You told me everything about yourself and your past and I haven't told you much. You never knew my real name or my parents. If my parents hadn't been such big Corpo bastard bigshots back in Atlanta I would've brought you around so they could meet the brother I always wanted.

If I could go back in time I'd tell us not to take that fucking job.

I miss you.

I love you, Jackie. I'll never forget you.

-Elijah Gray (V)