Listen Before I Go

Book ahaha

Take me to the rooftop
I wanna see the world
When I stop breathing
Turning blue

11:47. Floor 1. Contact #3: Mom
I walk up the long flight of stairs of my apartment complex, my phone in hand, dialing the next person in my contact list, my hands shaking as I am hoping, praying, for someone to answer. I need the sign. I'm too tired for this, I need someone to answer as a sign that I am loved, that everything will be okay.
To hold on.

Tell me love is endless
Don't be so pretentious
Leave me
Like you do

11:49. Floor 3. Contact #6: Gwen
Maybe I should turn back. Hoping for someone to answer is too much. It's late, they must be asleep. Maybe I should try tomorrow afternoon? That would be less dramatic. Maybe people wont think I'm being over dramatic if I try during the day. But there are too many people outside during the day. What if they see me and tell me to stop? That would ruin the whole thing. That would make them feel bad for not saving me. A random person on the street will then feel responsible for my death.
That's too much guilt to hold onto.

If you need me
Wanna see me
Better hurry
Cause I'm leaving soon

11:54. Floor 7. Contact #12: Heath
Four people ended my call in seconds, not even bothering to let it ring. The rest at least had the decency to let the phone ring. Heath, unfortunately, is number five on the list of people who don't care. Good to know I wasted my entire childhood with someone who can't answer the phone for their supposed best friend. Onto Cherry I guess. It rings. And it rings. Surely she should be up. She is a party animal for being in her late 20s and having a full time job, so she must be up at this time. It rings once more, then it clicks.

"Hello? Max?" Cherry's sweet voice slurs. As suspected, she is out partying. I almost cry at the sound of her voice. Finally, someone picks up.

"Hey, Cherry. Haven't heard from you for a while how have y-"

"Hey Cherry!" A female voice says dystantly on the other side of the call, "Who ya talkin' too? Your boyfrien'?" The voice is louder now and sounds even more waisted than Cherry.

"Sorry max, I'm in the middle of something. Talk soon! Chow." and the phone cuts off. What did I expect?
Too much, obviously.

Sorry can't save me now
Sorry I don't know how
Sorry there's now way out
But down

11:59. Floor 10. Contact#22: Beck (sister)
Only a few more floors. Only a few more contacts. Things aren't looking too well for me I guess. But thats okay. This is my sign. I asked for a sign, this is it. Now, when I get to the roof, I know what I'm going to do. I can feel the coldness of the night from here, the breath coming from my mouth turning white in front of my eyes as I breathe out a shallow breath. It's refreshing, really. I've always liked the cold. The tingling feeling it brings to my face when I've been out for too long, the warm layers I wear to keep coast. The white flakes that cover the city every year, making everything bright and beautiful. It's deceiving. In reality, the city is cruel and mischievous, but in the winter, when the snow falls down, it puts a blanket of fake all over, making it seem like the most wonderful place to be. But I know first hand that the city is not so forgiving in reality.
It's a disappointing trick life plays on us all.

Taste me
The salty tear on my cheek
That's what a year long headache
Does to you

12:01. Floor 12. Contact#28: Jackson.
The last floor: the roof. The cold breeze hits my face, almost immediately bringing those wonderful prickles to my cheeks, but it also makes my tears feel as though they will freeze right then and there, but they don't. They continue flowing, but not as warm as they once were. The cold also makes my heaving breaths into clouds of mist flowing around me as I breathe in and out the icy air. I don't know why I am crying so much. Deep down I knew this was going to happen. I knew no one cared. I guess putting the theory to the test was more painful than  I thought. It's annoying I let myself believe, deep down, that someone cares. I wouldn't feel this bad if I would have just listened to myself, not let false hope get to me. Once again, this is an example of life deceiving us. It's cruel, isn't it. This is why I should just do it. Climb to the edge and just, jump. They say it won't hurt because you will die of a heart attack before you get to the bottom, but I know that's a lie. If it were true, skydivers would have died of a heart attack before they deploy their parachutes.
Yet another lie society has told us to not frighten our fragile minds.

I'm not okay, I feel so scattered
Don't say, "I'm all that matters"
Leave me
Deja vu 

12:05. Floor 12: Roof.
It's fun watching the few cars that pass by below me. It's funny how I'm sitting here, my legs dangling down the side of a building, and all these cars have no idea what is about to happen. But they will soon. I can see the headlines: 25 year old Max Hernandez's tragic suiside outside of Clearview Apartments.I laugh at that. Like there would be a headline for someone as unknown and unwanted as me. There probably won't even be a proper funeral. Oh well, what can I do?
I'll be dead.

If you need me
Wanna see me
You better hurry
I'm leavin' soon

12:08. Floor 12: Roof.
Standing on the ledge is more scary than sitting. My weight keeps teetering due to the wind. Even if I back out, the wind won't let me. It'll push me off.Yet another sign.
Here goes nothing.

Sorry can't save me now
Sorry I don't know how
Sorry there's no way out
But down
12:10. Floor 12-8.
Falling isn't that bad. My mind is empty. The air around me feels great. The drop in my stomach is unsettling though.

Call my friends and tell them
That I love them
And I'll miss them
But I'm not sorry

12:10. Floor 8-5.
My heart rate is picking up. The natural panic is settling in. my breaths are short. Maybe I will die of a heart attack before I hit the bottom.

Call my friends and tell them
That I love them
And I'll miss them

12:10. Floor 5-1.
Maybe this isn't what I want. Maybe I can try again maybe if I waited longer I would feel better.
Maybe

Sorry

12:18. Outside Clearview Apartments. Contact: 911.

"This is 911, what's your emergency?"

"H-hello, yes, there seems t-to be a- a boy, maybe, he's bleeding out. His, oh my god."

"Ma'am? Ma'am, I need you to calm down. What is happening?"

"Their skull is s-s-sma-smashed in, he is all broken, oh Jesus I-I-I th-th-think he jumped off the building oh God."

"Ma'am, please give me the address you are at, help is on the way."

Sorry