Twi-Dim as Fuck

Chapter 1

Bella stoof along in a field of flowers. She knew not how she got there, nor what she was doing there- just that she was there. In fact she knew not of anything for her head is perpetually emptyr. How she surivved so long o this earth is a mystery to even the biggest of braisn- and perhaps that was what made her so capivating to the not uhmans who convientely lived around her home town of Dirt Fuck. Dir Fuck was a small little town that was rather pretty- if pretty is nothing but dirt. But Bella thought it was pretty because she doesn't have a brain and can't think.

There were two types of not humans. The dog people and thse allergic to sunlight... Which, isnt everyone mildly aplergic to sunlgiht sincee we get sunburt? Oh boy the biggest brains are gonna have a lot of thinking material for today! The dog peopl ewere nice enough, as all dogs are. They enjoyed the simple things of chasing their tails and chewing on furnature, and they would often be offered money or treats to go tear up some rich shitty bastards' hosue. The dog peop,e lived in harmony with the people of Dirt Fuck- but there was a mysterious spell taht prevented the people of Dirt Fuck from speakng to outsiders aboyt the dog people. A spell that will not ve properly explained in this sotry so you might as well accept it as fact.

Those allervic to sunlight were comletely different from teh dog people. Those allergic to sunlihgt would spend all thier time in their houses, sipping on fine wine and pretending they were better tahn everyone else- which they were so they didnt have to pretned very hard. It was hard to tell who was allergic to sunlight and who just wanted to stay in their house where everything is nice and theres no people, so the people of Dirt Fuck didnt' need a spell for the Perople ALlerci to SUnlight becuas hoenstl, they forgot they existed. Those allergic to sunlight were called campires. Bella dimly remembers that from somewhere, but she could not recall since it ws one of her few memeories. Perhaps she was destined to be with one of these so called vampires?

Bella heard something behind her so she turned around, across th efield of flowers was some guy who was sparkling. He was so handsome and sugoi Bella felt her heart flutter and she felt faint. Sparkling man strted running twoards ehr, and Bella sank into his arms in a strong embrace. Bella thought she was in love but she wass just having a heart attack. Sparkling man whos name is Edward didnt want Bella to die, althugh she was dumb enough to die in the first 600 words of a long and lengthy fanfiction. Edward took some of his sparkles and put them on Bella's eyes. Bella came back to life because she had something in her eye and that would being anyone back from the brink of death. Bell alooked up at her dsavriou

"Who are you??" Bella asked.

"I don't need to explain myself to you," Edward said, "THe all knowing god already introduced me. You were just dead when it happened."

"That explains everything," Bella said, she still didn't know this guys name, but he was sparkly so she didn't really care.

Edward dropped Bella and started to walk away. Bella started to cry, she started to cry becuase she was confused why the man who just saved her would be so mean as to walk away. She sat in th e field of flwors, along once again, and crying to herself. When would she ever see her beloved shparkly person again? Bella decided she wanted ot become one with the earth so seh laied down an d let the earth soak up her tears.

Sometime while doing this, she was partially successufl because she fell aslee and when she woke up there was some dirt on her face. She was awoken by th esmell of dog. In front of her was a dog person. He seemed really happy and jumped around when she woke up

"H8 I'm Jacob!!" Dogperson said. Bella scowled, she wanted sparkly boy to come bakc. John looked sadly down at Bella and helped her up. Bella suddenly had an idea, an idea to get sparky senpai to notice her.

"Jake, could you be an absolute darling and go to the dollar stoew and get ome sparkles for me??" She asked with a smaile. SHe was dumb but Jude was probably dumber.

"Yes Yes Yes!!!!" Jack said as he ran off, "ust like palying fetch!!!!"

Bella went over her plan. SHe would cover herslef in sparkles and then sparkle senapi would surely notice her. She wasnt sure what not human sparkled int he sinlight, since dogpeople didnt do taht and vmapires were allergic to sunlight so they surely coulnt be the sparkling people. Perhaos they were elves or cat boys in maid outfits, sicne bth of those are stunning enough to shine in the sunlight. Whatever he was, Bella loved him immediately because if it wasnt for his sparkle, she would be dead.

Bella was daydreaming about nothing becuase she doesnt have a brain when Jonathan came bakc. Jasper ran around her with the sparkles. He was way too energietic for Bella's tastes.

"Thnka ou Justin," Bella said as she covered herself in glitter. Now her sparkly senpai would surely notice her, and they would fall in love. Bella ran offin the general directed taht Edwrd left in, James was kinda sad that Bella left him, but he decided to follow Bella in case seh neeeded him again.

On th e otuskirts of Dirt Fuck Edwards was reading a book. What book you ask? This one in fact, for Edward is an eldritch being who can cross between dimenstions, but tahts a storu for anothe time. He looked up from the pages of (t)his book at Bella running towarsd him with Julian in toe. Edeard smiled, for he finally understook wath love was. Seeing his destined loevr run towards him, covered in the sparkles he so deeply admiresd. Bella smiled when she saw Edward smile. it was so right, so perfect. Edward walked towards Bella and took her in his arms

"Bella," he whispered, "our love is forbiddne, but that's what I loie about it. It is against vampiric laws to date a mere mrotal." Bella felt weak again, but she had five and a quarter ounces of sparkles in her ees to pretned a heart attakc. But then Edward looked up with his stormy eyes. I dont fucksing know what color his eyes are but any color can be stormy if it treis hard enough. "But I know of a more forbiddne love. The love betwix a vampire and a dog person"

Joseph looked deeply into Esward's eyes. FOr eh too was covered in sparkles because that is the nature of glitter. It getes everywhere and Bella was espeically reckless with the use of glitter. She should go to jail for that. Edwrad let go of Bella and walked over to Jaxon.

"You,,, you are the perosn of my dreams. The moment I saw you bounding across that field of dirt covered in sparkles as a love letter to my own sparkling ability I knew I wanted ot be with you for forever. And we will be, since we're both immortal unlike a certain someone. I will also remember your name, Jacob, unlike Bella nd teh rather mediocore god narrating this sotry." Joshua had never felt so happy, He was so excited to be a part of a forbiddne love and Edwrad was just his type. He howled with happiness and thye kissed. Bella sat down in th edirt and sulked. What the fukc this is so unfair. I;m the main characeer I should have the love triangle and the boyfriend and everything's suppsoed to be happy but n o they fell in love with each toher. Or, that is what she would be thinking if she could think. But Bell a saw how happy Edwrad and Jeremiah where togehter, and she smiled.

Edward and Jimmy held hands and walked off into the woods to build a nice corrage and make frields with all of the animals and be the mythical gays of the forset and they eventaully became gods because of how pure their love was. and Bella finally got her wish of becoming one with the earht. She was just about as dumb as a rock, so she became a rock. She fell in love with a nice skipping stone and they lived happinly ever agter

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