What's the point in love if its fake? I've tried to share my love with others but it never ends well... If I'm not here to share myself, then why am I here? Is there a real point in this? Sometimes leaving forever feels like the way out, but I've stopped,or at least tried to stop cutting many because my two faulse "True Love" saved me and made me forget but I just lost one and I don't know what to do noones here to help me forget,this probably makes me sound like a slut but I really want someone I can say I love you to. I know this is a bad way to start my wattpad books but its just my thoughts of the moment. Back to the cutting situation, I do not support it in any way but I get depressed sometimes aslwell, sometimes to the point to were I wonder...'is it worth it?' I also sometimes feel or know the awenser to get out and its love but for most of us that's hard really hard(thatswatshesaid) But anyway guys those are my thoughts of tonight I'll make a new one as soon as possible.
Day 2, I guess this is a journal now people that read this are like " Hah! Gayyy!" But I don't care I have no life, just thoughts and memories sad huh? Well it is and will be forever. But hey! kiddo, "DONT GIVE UP EH?" Well I say why not? Give me a valid reason and life says well...uh.. There's...- nothing, nothing at all. Well that's it for today not as much as yesterday but its something to read.
Day whatever, emo phase almost every person I've met has told me emo is just a phase and that I'll grow out of it, but if I don't get help from someone then maby that "phase" won't be a phase anymore it could turn into a life of sadness.
Like two weeks later, I've been sitting around not doing much anymore and I've learn you shouldn't let you guard down always be caushus and don't be too moppy even though I've been doing that all my life the reason I'm saying all this bullshit is because just the other day many a week I was spending the night at my dads its a fucking dump there at the moment and we didn't have power for like a week because he forgot to pay the bill, anyways me and my little brother were making some videos in the street to pass the time, and karate kicking him and getting pantsed in the street is a lot of work so after a while its getting dark and I had to piss, so I go insaide and I set my tablet down and piss. After I'm done and I'm walking out the door I realized I didn't really need my tablet since there was no internet and I was about to crash I I leave it there and go into my room since we were moving soon I have got an old mattress and laid down and me and my little bother started a pillow fight and after I snaked him in the face with a pillow and I got knocked around abit we grew restless so we decide to go to bed. I wake up after my brother as he went out side I follow before reaching the door I wanted to listen to some of my music like PTV and sws so I walk I to the bath room and its not there on the counter, I'm looking all over for it and yell out to Kevin (my little brother) and ask him if he took it to play a game he says he hasn't seen it since yesterday, so I run over to my dads room is and yell in the door asking if he had seen it he gave the same response as Kevin at this point I'm a bit pissed that I can't listen to music right now so I ask my dad if hell help me find it here gets up and helps me look, we cant find it worth a shit. Then my dad says it was probably stolen I asked by who and how the hell was it stolen? He says it was some guy named Ryan now I'm furius now I'm cussing up a storm and shit then my cousin calls *nick* he asked if I want to come over. I tell him fuck it I have nothing better to do till my dad recovers my tablet so I get dressed and he get here about an hour later I hop in and we go to his house as always we hop on his dirt bike and have fun and if we fall we get hurt then right back up after jumping shit and building a ramp with mud because we were out in the rain witch I thought felt awesome once we hit the jump a couple times my cousin decides he wants to get in an empty trash can and closes it and yells "RAM ME!" Seeing how he does stupid shit like this I'm not estionished but still loves the idea and I reve the engine then POP it in first and rams the fuck out of him he called over then comes out wabbly and goes on about how awesome that was for about 5 minute so I just drive away and hit a couple jumps and since I had brought my brother along he was sitting there in the back ground so I drive up to him and he jumps because he thinks I was gonna hit him, he is very scared of the bike because like 2 years ago he had tried to ride it him self and dropped it on him self so I thought I'd teach him how to ride it today he didn't want to but after convincing him to which took forever I got him on there and I was riding on the back and I told him were to go and back he pumped on the throughtle on and off it looked like we were head banging it was kinda funny and now came the u-turn he had finally got up the courage the ram itat the worst time and we slammed into the ditch wall (made of dirt) and he had jumped off and I had token over and pulled it out I crunk it but it wouldn't start he started to cry cuz he thought he broke it but I knew what was wrong, see nicks steps dad who's a total ass had putt car oil in the bike instead of what you were supposed to so I had drained out the tubes to the carberater and drunk it and it roared loader than earlier it was much faster now but we had to do that 2ce a week and until we use it all up we will have to do that because if we drain it it will fuck the moter up. Well once all of this is over we go inside and crash after playing gta5 for five hours straight and I go home and find out were my tablet is and the day afer I go back to my cousins and do all most the same thing and two days ago I come back home and I hear my dad got my tablet back but the screen iis fuzzy and it was factory reseted the good news is Friday I'm getting it fixed and since I had a memory card in it it save my music!!! So anyways guys I made this one to tell you don't keep your guard down cuz the work is a mother fucking. Asshole hole and I say that with a smile so stay safe and FUCK THE WORLD!!!!!!!!
I just talked to my ex and found out how much of a godam fuck up I am. As we talked I revised I will never be able to please anyone and that I'm destined for being alone my entire life. See when I go out with a girl I really love them because I'm picky as hell. So when she broke up with me it hurt like hell and now talking to her not giving many hints to the convo mostly because of privacy reasons but I realized I'll never be too enough ad that life shucks and the only trure friends are my accutual friends and music but ugh if I do ever end up with scars dome will know why so no one check my wruists after we get back to school. And one more thing stay awesome guys you have really helped me over the time we've known each other that's it dfor tonight see ya next time.
Well I may or may not have just cut.... But it didn't bleed I just made it to where it would hurt with out the blood..., sorry guys.
I need someone I can say I love you to I know I've already talked about this but it hurts with out someone when I need a hug no ones there I need love so I don't suffocate in saddnes. Help me I think I'm drowning.
In school life sucks. Oh well. There is so much peep pressure for guys because you have to e motcho so. Much work its impossible to over come, plus being mental doesn't help much. Second period is the only sorta easy one and not because I like to write that much really but because the teacher is petty laid back but still a bitch but oh well not too much work to do so that's good. Lunch is next and i get to talk to my friends and stuff in this school world my click are a couple emos (a lot) a crazy mofo well that me emo too and some random outcasts and fandom's some weirder than other but we're all cool and watch each others back, always, I've been talking for 30 minutes its bout to be time to go woohoo hey comment if you feel some of these ways at school or anywhere, in public, at home, while shitting, even when your committing murder....or that may just be me...... Anyways see ya next timguys!
Super tired, everyone hates me nights pepl!!
