To Skaikru, she was known as Kota. To anyone else, she was known as Dakoda kom Trikru, Lincoln's younger sister. Having Lincoln as an older brother meant that she always felt overprotected growing up. But what people underestimated about her as she...
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chapter 11 - guardian or heir
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They say that the weight of the earth is thirteen septillionpounds. Well, technically it's measured by mass and not weight, but still, thirteen septillion. I don't know how someone can determine that, scientist or not, but apparently it's true. Of course, we as humans will never physically feel that overwhelming "weight" no matter where we are in life.
However, if we go through something extremely traumatic, like losing a loved one, per se, it can certainly feel as if we have the weight of the world on our shoulders.
Apparently, there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Dakota could only assume that she was at the very first step, because for the life of her, she could not fathom the reality of her situation. She was trying so desperately to avoid the inevitable because it just wasn't possible. Kota didn't want to believe that she just witnessed Clarke close her sister's eyelids to signify the end of her life. She refused to accept that that the uncontrollable sobs coming from Clarke were real. That any of this was real.
It all happened so fast, yet slow as ever, if that made any sense at all. She felt numb to the pain, almost like it wasn't even there to begin with. She knew it was due to being in shock, but honestly, Kota preferred the numbness. She was tired of the pain. She didn't want to carry any more burden and trauma so she did the only thing she could think of in that moment going forward.
She had to put a wall up around her feelings. Just like her sister had done. Maybe Titus was right. Maybe love really was a weakness that always ended in pain. I mean, this would definitely be a good example of it. Kota grew to love her sister so much and now look what happened.
She was dead.
And Kota then began to wonder if maybe it was her fault in some way...
After all, she had been the one trying to get Lexa to make a move on the Clarke for some time. However, Titus didn't want their relationship to affect the Commander's rule, so he attempted to put an end to it by murdering the blonde, only for Lexa to end up in the crossfire.
But Dakota didn't want to think about that right now. In fact, she didn't want to think at all. She just wanted to take her mind off it, and get as far away from Polis as possible. So, as an act of a final goodbye, she raised her hand and caressed Lexa's hair while she hummed the tune of the song the older one used to sing to her whenever she was distressed.
She remembered Abby telling her that it was believed that when people die, their hearing is the last to go. So if it was possible that her sister could still hear, whether her brain processed it or not, Kota wanted to provide some form of comfort for her just like the latter always did for her in her own times of distress. Maybe it was really Kota's way of calming herself down, but if that was the case, would there really be anything wrong with that?
