Suicide Note 1

Is This Too Much To Ask For

First, I just want to start out by saying I am sorry; I would get into that deeper. Second, I leave my vinyl collection to my sisters, may they be distributed equally. I ask that they save it until they look like raisins. I feel like it would be worth something by that time. Approximately when global warming consumes the Earth and people are rummaging for resources. Everything else isn't really worth much so take it as you wish.
Before you read on I just want to establish that this was nobody's fault, just my own. The simple reason is that I hate myself. I tried to conceal my hatred, to soak in my few achievements, try to find happiness there. I tried to find happiness in the memories of those days of joy and ignorance. I tried to wait until "it gets better," but I'm done waiting, done trying. Subsequently, my non-resilience is reason why I hate myself.
Mom, I am so sorry. I never wanted to hurt you in anyway, please accept my death, I am happy now. Please, don't be angry, or depressed. I know you tried really hard, but two burdens were lifted the minute I took my last a breath, and you know that. I love you.
Dad, I love you too, and I'm so thankful that you love me. But you loved me more than I loved myself. Just think of it this way, now I will always be your little girl. That is not a bad thing.
To Everyone else my general message is that each and every one of you who care have a place in my heart and my spirit. I appreciate you all, for all the little things you have done. This decision was very hard for me, and I hope that you live this life to the fullest, you all have potential and worth. I love you guys.
5,000 other kids my age with die this year for this same reason: suicide. The common denominator of all of us is not that we felt alone, or that we are these hormonal teens who are seeking attention. It is not the music we listen to, not the people we hang out with, it is not our cut up body parts. There isn't a set descriptor we all have our own stories. So this is mine:
I like rap, I have amazing friends, I have never cut myself once. I have a wonderful family who gave me everything, I admit I was spoiled. But the one thing that I desperately wanted, that no one could "give" me, was to die. Yes, I do hate my self. I hate that I am weird and not fully accepted. I hate that I am selfish and that I'm not pretty and forever fat. I hate that I really am as cold, desolate, and disgusting as a lot of people look at me as. However that is not the point, that is not the main reason. The main reason is the point that I want my death to make.
To think about how horrible I am, the world is one hundred times worse. We leave in a world where people don't understand their religion. A world where the poor die from malnutrition and and the rich die from clogged arteries. Where people can't love who they want to love, and marry who they want to marry. This is a place in which people still continue to hate by appearance, and blame others for their sins. The worst part is that people cannot be who they are; this is a world I don't want to live in. It is so ugly that it is nicer to not live than live. But this can change. You can clean this dirty landfill called life. You can make the world so splendid. You can make me regret dying.
I dreamed of a life where I wouldn't feel guilty when I was happy. I wished that one day people would be kind to everyone and see differences as unique not strange. To help those they know they can help even if they don't know them. In the walls of our high school there are people who are getting closer and closer to death every second. And its sad because these are people who think they don't fit in, that they are alone, that no one could possibly ever properly love them. They're are kids who have been pushed and pricked, and actually believe that they don't belong because people have made them feel that way. I dream that these kids would find that there are actual humans in that school who would treat them as golden regardless of the things they can't treat.
That is my dying wish, that humans treat each other like humans, seeing that we are equal. Therefore we equally spread joy and acceptance to everyone.
And oh yeah, stop being so lame.
Is that too much to ask?
"They tell us that suicide is the greatest piece of cowardice... that suicide is wrong; when it is quite obvious that there is nothing in the world to which every man has a more unassailable title than to his own life and person" (Schopenhauer).

Love Always,
The girl you loved in a loveless world