Chuuya selling pics to his simps.

photo dealer looking sus.

I was walking down the street on a Saturday night, returning home from work, the streets were eerily quiet, when suddenly I heard someone call out to me.

"Hey, you there, pss pss!", a raspy voice whispered from an alleyway. I turned towards the direction and saw a cloaked figure standing in the shadows behind a street lamp where a small alleyway was. "Hey you want some good stuff? Some real good stuff?", the figure, seemingly male, told me. 

"You look very suspicious.", I responded. Of course I wasn't going to follow some stranger into a dark narrow passage at night. "Ugh, I'm not gonna do anything, 'kay?", the figure said, seemingly annoyed.

I raised my eyebrow and retorted: "And you think I'm going to believe that? Who knows what you'd do once we're outside of public's view?" 

"Tsk, I swear, I'm not gonna touch you nor am I gonna stab you. I just wanna sell some stuff."

"Sell stuff?"

"It's not illegal, 'kay? I even got the consent for it."

This is extremely suspicious, but what is life without any risks. And this person seems to be desperate to sell me stuff. "Okay, fine. So what do you sell?", I inquired as I followed him into the narrow pathway.

"Well, this.", he stopped in his tracks, turned around and opened the left side of his cloak. Revealing a bunch of very high quality pictures of a certain orange-haired, hat-wearing, handsome young man. I immediately recognized him, it couldn't be anyone else, Nakahara Chuuya.

"What the?! Who are you and how do you have photos of this beauty??"

"Beauty???", the Chuuya photo dealer questioned, "Well, whatever, you seem to like these. You wanna buy some?"

"Y-yes! I'll take them all!", I answered, swiftly taking out my wallet, "So how much in total?"

"Hmm, since this is your first time, how about 10 000 yen? 100 yen for each, normally it's 120, y'know. So I'm giving you a discount." 

Seems expensive, but what wouldn't I do for 100 high quality Chuuya pics. I gave him the money and he handed me a bag full of photos.

"Thank you very much! So will you continue selling these? If yes, where do I find you?"

"You want to buy more? Then... how about you meet me here at this time twice a week. Once on Tuesday and once on Saturday?"

"Thank you! And how may I call you, good Sir?"

"Whatever you want, but you can refer to me as... yes, as Takai (高い)."

"Okay, thank you Takai-sama, it was a plasure doing business with you. I'll be on my way then, see you in three days!"

"The pleasure is mine, goodbye.", Takai-sama said as he retreated into the alleyway.

Well, this was an unexpected turn, but at least I have a regular income of Chuuya-sama's photos from now on!

Takai's POV:

Ugh, goddammit, what in the world am I doing, how did it come to this? Why am I selling pictures of myself, more importantly who took these pictures?? Urk, my throat itches from faking my voice.
I shouldn't have lost that bet to Dazai, damn Dazai. 

And why did that person just buy my photos?? What a weirdo. And why did I agree to sell them more pics, has Dazai infected me with his stupidity? But they did say that I was a beauty, at least they have a good eye. Unlike that bastard who insults my hats. Fucking Dazai, when I get you I'm going to-

Tsk, whatever, I better get back and change out of this ridiculous outfit.

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This weird short story is dedicated to rin-sama (instagram: chuuyaswaif) for praising my shitpost tell as the best ff she's ever read.