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dear future self...
I'm writing you letters because you need to know what you've been through when u were really young,and because of those things that happened in your past,and that are happing in my present you're what you're.
i don't know from where did this idea came from but if you remember me,i do things for no reason at all and then i discover the reason.
i don't know how many letters I'll be writing, but whatever, you'll be alive,i believe this,and you'll read them all. so let's start with our story,that story where you become a catastrophic person.
i had 11 reasons to live,i was happy and excited,and then they slowly become the reasons why my soul is dead right now.
i mean right now that I'm writing you this letter, because when you'll read this you'll be proud of me. for all what you've been through in your dark past.i wrote "dark past", because isn't it a "dark past" for you now?
anyway,no one could ever choose my messed up thoughts and feelings.
they didn't even try to fix things they broke,they were happy because they sinked me down in the ocean with terrible words and actions.
you know...my lungs are breathing,my whole body is alive,but my soul isn't.
so i find out something, they were never in my heart and they couldn't feel what i felt, they were never in my mind so they didn't know what I was thinking.
and it's interesting the fact that because of the reasons that i have a dead soul,i have only one reason to live,to make u proud.
__________________
dear future self...
hi, it's me,again,and this time with the reason why I'm still breathing. the reason why worms did not decomposed me.
i made mistakes because i loved people,and i cared about their happiness,but still,i made mistakes.
after those mistakes i decided never to be in someone's life, because i was going to destroy them, maybe forever or with the things that i did,i destroyed them.
and I don't wanna destroy people's lives,the way people destroyed mine,so i decided to write songs,stories,letters that will stay with people after i wasn't anymore breathing. i decided not making anymore memories and ruin other people lives.
i wrote 5-6 songs about hope&love&memories stories about people I've loved in this life and letters about my 11 reasons because people like me...even when there's not their fault they think it is ,just because they don't wanna loose people.
I didn't want to loose people ,i cared so much not to loose them and maybe that's the reason why i lost them,maybe you don't have to care so much, you'll be the heartbroken.
i also realized when i burned those letters that you can write letters and burn them,but you'll never burn the feeling inside you.
so i just hoped...i still hope that I'll make u proud.
because we don't deserve to die...i wanted to die, honestly,but i didn't.
world would miss so much if i was dead.
and that's the reason why I'm still breathing, with or without soul, I'm still making u proud.
__________________
dear future self...
I believe this is my third letter,ye, it's my third letter,that means I'm still alive,and i still wanna make u proud.
people say words that hurt u all the time,they even say words that kill you slowly even when u think about them.
people make u feel you're the problem,but words cannot hurt me anymore,cuz I'm used to hear and read them all.
