𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘢𝘨𝘢𝘪𝘯 ➪ 𝘲𝘶𝘢𝘤𝘬𝘪𝘵𝘺 𝘹 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳

Fantasy by Khai Dreams.

"But wherever you are now... I'll carry on."
-

"I'm so happy I got to see you again."

And just like that, she was gone again. A flurry of emotions flooded my heart as I collapsed to my knees, all that was left of her were these snow-white flowers, I was never an amazing florist as she was though and they were unrecognizable to me. I didn't know what to feel, happy? I mean, I was overjoyed to have seen her again. To have kissed her, to let her know I adored her so very much... That she was my light, my love, my everything. I sucked in my cheek, was it selfish to have wanted some more time? I wanted her to stay, how long? Forever would've been nice.

I was still shaken, sadness enveloping me like a blanket as I bawled my eyes out. I felt like I had lost her twice. And it made me realize just how wrong I was, just how wrong it was to have left and never come back. I was so undeserving of her, somehow passing through death in order to see me? The guy that practically abandoned her, I wished I could have given her so much more. She deserved more than what I could've ever given her, but what was always so telling about her was that she didn't care about how much I could give; rather, caring about how much time I would be with her. She was selfless, and through all my defaults and past mistakes, she still loved me.

That kind of woman was a once-in-a-lifetime kind of find. Maybe once is a thousand years kind of girl... Who was I kidding? She was one of a kind. No matter if I waited till the end of time itself would I ever meet someone even close...

I fell to my knees, collapsing into salty tears while these flowers were everything that was left. The delicate white colour reminding me of her, through my aggressive tears I carefully collected them by the stems. My tears splashing onto the petals, I sniffed through every last one. I held them close to my chest, the overwhelming feelings just drowning me as I felt so empty. It was a gluttonous void in my heart, tearing me apart slowly from the inside as she was the only one that could possibly fill it. In my grief, I pretended the flowers I held were her, squeezing them against my body tightly and never wanting to let go. And I stayed like that for a long time, my tears endless and my thoughts running rampant. I yearned for her but knowing she wouldn't be coming back stung my pounding heart. I wasn't sure how long I allowed myself to wallow in despair, minutes, hours? It felt like years, but my perception of time was incredibly slowed to the point as if it practically stopped. I was helpless, all I could do was cry; so much to the point, I was physically running out of tears, feeling the draining effects of dehydration.

That chronic tiredness, a dry throat and mouth yearning for a drop of water, and that pounding unbearably strong headache. I felt so sick, and that feeling only reminded me of her more, the amount of pain and discomfort she must've felt while I was gone. At least the pain had now ceased, but who knows if where she's gone to left her at peace or served to be more pain than what previously existed. Was life the bad part? All that physical, emotional and mental pain building up and torturing us throughout the course of our life; every fall that sent electricity through our joints, every heartache and every wave of crippling depression, was it the worst of our feeble existence to then melt away from our death into the serendipity of our consciousness? That the afterlife happened to be this ultimate ataraxy, a tranquil and undisturbed void of just... Nothing.

Or was it that this pain and suffering was the best that could be offered to us, that life after death was... Hell, quite literally. More pain than human beings on their own could ever comprehend, for eternity as nothing ever lives up and everything burns and stings. Every negative emotion surging as it would be so suffocating, with no breaks and no room to think eternity would be unbearable. Forever.

Or maybe it was something else entirely.

Because, how could we predict something we don't understand when everything is being viewed from the phaneron.