The Old You Is Gone, Now All I Can Do Is Watch

Floating on a false High

I hadn't been home long when there was a knock at the door. None of my friends had told me they would be coming over, so it caught me by surprise as I had been working on homework. Slowly, I got up from the chair, making my way over to the door and opening it.

"Guy-Man??" I began, in bewilderment as my.. former friend, I suppose, stood in front of me with an expression clearly showing annoyance.

"You said you wanted to make it up to me, here's your chance." He stated simply, signaling to his backpack before looking back at me with a raised brow. My mind was racing so quickly I forgot to answer.

"Oh! Yeah come on in!" I said, practically bouncing over to the dining room table, Guy-Man following before practically throwing his backpack on the floor. "So..."

"Math. As always." He stated, already knowing what I was about to ask. Despite all the time we spent apart, I still remembered. I could do nothing but remember. With that in mind, I pulled out my textbook, homework and notes, laying them out across the table. I pointed, I explained, I summarized, and normally I would have been tired out by now if it were someone else, but I could explain trigonometry all day right now. Though it took us a while, we finally got through the homework assigned by our math teacher as well as some homework for other classes, much to my relief. "Well I should.. be going." Guy-Man said after a second of silence, grabbing his backpack, his work now returned into it.

"Oh, ok," I said, tensely, before getting up and following him to the door. "I'm sure my mother wouldn't mind if you and Paul came over for dinner tonight, if you guys want to that is." I rushed, stuttering halfway through.

"I can't, I'm meeting some... friends.. at the skate park tonight so.." Guy-Man stared at the doorstep, and I just fiddled with my thumbs.

"Oh, ok, well have fun, it was nice seeing you again!" I say, with my best attempt to be cheerful, and for the first time in a few minutes, he looked up at me with a feigned expression of familiarity. That hurt to see.

"Yeah. Yeah. Thanks for helping with the homework.. maybe I can come over for dinner.. another time.." he said, with a quick nod before turning to leave, offering a nod as a farewell before turning and making his way down the sidewalk. I could feel the energy drain from my bones, my shoulders drooping as my smile quickly faded. I ran a hand through my hair for a second, signing before packing up my schoolwork and heading off upstairs. I didn't feel like contributing to society any more at the moment. At least he said he might come over some other time, I made progress I suppose, count the small victories as they say. I changed into my own pajamas, laying back on my mattress and staring up at the ceiling.

My old room, my old bed, all of my old figurines, but it wasn't the same. How could it ever be the same, nothing was the same anymore. I should have just stayed in America, I'm not really part of their group anymore, the group fell apart anyway, in a sense. I just want my old life back, is that too much to ask?

I missed them, but it will never be the same.

Could it ever be the same?

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I had no idea when or for how long I had been asleep, but I was awoken by the sound of my mother calling me downstairs for dinner. Slowly, I rose from my bed, stretching before shuffling out of my room.

"Ah, so you get up for food?" She says, holding a spoon with her arms crossed over her apron. I did nothing but stare back at her languorously, and after a moment of silence, she laughed to herself. "I was teasing, silly, go on, sit down." She said lightly, with a smile. I nodded, drowsily, before shuffling over to what was my old chair.

"So how was school today?" My father asked, having taken his seat a while ago.

"It was ok, feels weird to be back." Was my quiet answer.

"I'm sure! You were gone for a while, but you'll get back into the swing of things soon enough." He said, before returning to eating. I did the same.

My mother hung up her apron, sitting down herself.

"Well, either way, we're glad to have you back home." She said, taking my hand in hers with a smile. Her eyes shine brightly, shimmering like stars. Nothing can compare to a mother's eyes, so loving and full of hope, promise, care, something we often take for granted. I simply nodded at her, and my parents resumed eating. Once I had finished, I cleaned off my plate in the sink before retreating back to my room. It was dark now, so I turned on a lamp, before turning on my record player to whatever record I had on it last. Not exactly the best option given the fact that if I'm left alone with my thoughts too long now, I'll make myself sad, but we're already at that point so I can't really do more damage. Maybe it will actually help cheer me up?

Who's to say.

I could hear my parents watching TV downstairs, they always did for a few hours before they went to bed. I'm glad that my parents spend such quality time together.

As the record spun, so did my ceiling fan, and as my ceiling fan spun, the air got colder, so I curled up under the blankets. The same ones from before I left, the same ones from when I was a child.

I really need to redecorate.

[author's note: I had written this on my old account, but have since lost access to it so I picked it up again on this account. Hope it's gotten better, and that it isn't too boring. Much love,
~RecklessCherubs]