I've been lied to. Everything I was taught growing up was lies. Or at the very least misleading. I was taught that being an adult gives you freedom. But I soon learned that freedom is nothing but a luxury that only exists for the wealthy. I was told that I could do anything i wanted in life. But when I got older I realized that I was held back by things out of my control. The careers I wanted wouldn't hire me because of a diagnosis. A diagnosis that is misunderstood by most. A diagnosis that traps me in a prison of my own mind. Lined with barbed wire and surrounded by walls. Colleges wouldn't take me because said diagnosis made school difficult. Said diagnosis made people think I was unintelligent, though untrue. See once you take the time to actually speak to me and have a conversation with me you realize that I am far more intelligent than my grades show. You start to realize that a simple letter A through F doesn't determine one's capabilities and intelligence. But ones ability to conform to a broken system. A system I was lied to about. A system that I was told would prepare me for life. But instead it only taught me to regurgitate information that I'd then quickly forget. And once I leave that system I'd quickly realize that I was left unprepared for life. Never being taught how to do my taxes or how to make a doctors appointment. Left to my own useless devices. And all I took from that system was useless information. I learned the interesting important things on my own. But no one believed me because of a diagnosis. Said diagnosis lies of a spectrum. As do most. But most only have an understanding of the more severe cases. When average people see me they say "you don't look like you have said diagnosis" but when jobs or colleges see me they only see the doctors diagnosis. They don't see the person behind it. The mind behind it. I may learn or succeed differently but that doesn't mean that I can't learn or succeed with the right accommodations and acceptance. This diagnosis has become an identity. An identity of which I am proud and disappointed of. My identity makes me unique and makes me who I am. But it goes unseen by the greater population. For many years I hid my diagnosis. I didn't tell people. Because once they knew they'd see me differently. Instead of seeing an equal they'd see a subpar human. Instead of saying they understood me they'd simply say "awe how cute." And the ones who didn't say that would bully or tease me. Tease me for not conforming to their idea of how someone should act. Tease me for being different. All because of a doctors diagnosis. I sometimes wish i didn't have this diagnosis. Though non life threatening physically it's emotionally and psychologically threatening. Because I can't fathom why I was created this way. I ask God why he created me this way. But I get no response. I have the faith that it was all for a reason. And I hope that the path ahead of me will be revealed. That someday he'll make me understand why I am this way. These things I go through because of a diagnosis all had a purpose. And maybe in the end it will have made me stronger. And maybe in the future people will stop seeing a diagnosis and start seeing a person. A person that's bright happy and well equipped to handle whatever comes at him. A person who's identity is no longer based on his diagnosis but instead his personality and his integrity. And maybe just maybe his diagnosis will no longer be of any relevance.
