BTS' Jin has always promoted the important values of self-love and self-worth to his fans and supporters, but finds that practicing what you preach is the most difficult.
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His damp eyes closed, Jin sang the last ringing melody, feeling as though his heart and soul scraped and resisted against his throat to strangle the notes out. It wasn't so much the musical composition and ability as it was the lyrical aspect.
"I'm the one I should love."
For a moment, Jin felt an eerie sense of silence and darkness had settled in, and rather than confusing, the sadness felt... right. It was as if a crashing wave of heavy melancholy that had been building up in anticipation with every rehearsal, had finally given relief to his shipwreck.
His dark eyes suddenly fluttered open and he inhaled deeply, processing his surroundings. This wasn't rehearsal; he was on stage now. His ears, previously slave to the deafening silence on his mental plane, cleared and heard the cheers of thousands of fans. Jin stood, his gratitude and disbelief overtaking his moment of faltering. As he tipped forward in a deep bow, he saw water drops falling to the floor of the stage. Jin curiously looked up to the vibrant blue sky, his eyes failing to find any overbearing cloud encompassing the clearly bright and visible sun in gray, drafty mist. In confusion, he brought his hand up to his damp cheek and realized with astonishment that the "drops of rain" were tears of his own.
Why am I crying? This is supposed to be an uplifting song. I want to show everyone self-love and worth, not... tears! Pull yourself together, Seokjin.
Attempting to reason the prominent sparkling in his eyes, Jin took the mic and said "Thank you, everyone. I am truly thankful for each and every one of you. I wouldn't have been here without all the love and support you all have shown me, and I will try my best to make you proud." Jin stopped himself from saying more, and instead plastered on his signature smile, a stark contrast to the bewilderment he felt as he had heard his shaky voice.
What is going on? Why now?
Widening his strained smile and waving to his fans, Jin took another quick bow and exited the stage, only to be greeted by six of his biggest cheerleaders.
"Hyung! That was freaking amazing!" Jungkook exclaimed as he crashed into him with a bear hug.
"Yeah! You totally rocked it, Jin-hyung." Jimin and Hobi said, as they joined the warm embrace.
Namjoon joyously patted him on the back and Yoongi smiled, flashing his pride through his gums.
Jin was happy to see his members so full of cheer, but his smile still felt forced. He injected enthusiasm into his voice and said, "Of course! What else would you expect from Worldwide Handsome?"
His fellow bandmates groaned and laughed in apprehension of the hyung's classic joke.
"Let's go celebrate! How's Panda Express?" Jungkook chimed in, taking full advantage of the opportunity.
Namjoon laughed, "Sure, let's go."
Jin tried to laugh and hide his exhaustion, as they all headed towards the car. Suddenly, he felt a sharp tug on his arm.
Taehyung had pulled him aside. "Hyung, your smile isn't reaching your eyes."
