Anger

Elsa stared out over the vast and endless lands of ice and snow. Much like the snow, Elsa was cold and emotionless. She could not decide if the sight pleased or repulsed her. There was a strange, haunting beauty in it, but it was also disgusting and droll. Just an endless sea of white in all directions. It filled her with a sense of satisfaction and power, since she was responsible for it, but that did not mean it brought her joy. On the contrary, it was anything butjoyous. But to a mind as broken as hers, the pain was deserved. The only thing that could bring her hope was despair.

"I am so sorry, my dearest Anna," the Snow Queen sent her message, whispered on the unforgiving winter wind. "I let my anger get the best of me. I was so narrowminded and shortsighted that I lashed out without thought! Even though I instantly felt bad, it was only because I was worried I would get in trouble for it. Like a child... Even though I had hurt you so badly, I was still only able to think about myself. Like a monster... I was more concerned about getting in trouble for hurting you than the fact that I'd actually hurt you. How evil is that?"

Elsa gripped the balcony of her castle tighter, painful memories twisting through her head and chest.

"But don't worry, sis, I got my karma," she muttered. "Even though it took years, the full ramifications for what I'd done finally caught up to me. And I don't just mean that the citizens ran me out as a monster. I mean that I, myself, finally understood the pain and fear you must've felt that day. My empathy finally unfroze itself and I began to understand just how horrible I really was to you. How did you stand it for even one second?"

It had been years since Anna had died. It had been years since Elsa had willingly given the kingdom to Prince Hans. It had been years since the people of Arendelle decided to punish Elsa not with execution, but exile. But not a day went by that Elsa didn't suffer. But again, to someone as broken as she was, she considered the suffering a fair punishment.

"But I must say, although I am still very much a monster, I have learned to harness and control my anger," Elsa continued with the weakest of smiles. "I'm not just keeping it in check, I'm using it for good! What I once used for selfish, egotistical reasons I am now trying to use for noble and just ones. I think you would like that..." Elsa's smile grew just a tiny bit bigger. Even though she was in exile, she still had the power to go wherever she pleased, traveling on the winter wind itself. As such, she had the power to enact very swift, brutal justice, if it was necessary.

She didn't go out often, but every once in a while, she would travel to wherever the wind took her and she would spend a bit of time analyzing the situation before making her next move. Her anger now fueled her desire to live and fight. To carry on and be better than she used to be. And now, she was harnessing that stormy temper to serve justice as well.

"I know I can never bring you back," she continued. "But I can bring myself to you. I don't mean that I'm going to kill myself, but that in all the days until I die, I can keep working towards being a better person. That way, when my time finally comes, maybe I will have done just enough good deeds to be worthy of seeing your face again, even if only for a little while. And for once, I promise that it is not a selfish reason why I want to see you again. I merely want to apologize, and do my best to finally make amends for everything I've ever done to you.

"I will try to be better, kinder, slower and wiser. I will try to be less impulsive. Not less angry, just less violent and out of control. I will continue to hone and harness my wrath until the sin becomes a virtue and an enemy becomes a friend. I will turn a thing of destruction into a thing of protection. And I will do it all not just in the hopes of eventually getting a chance to make amends with you, but because I know in my heart that it is the right thing to do. I have changed, Anna, truly I have.

"I wouldn't blame you if you didn't believe it. And I don't blame you if you never ever forgive me, but I swear that somewhere along the way, after enough time had passed, I finally began to see. Granted, I should've seen it years ago, but... I just hope you know that I truly am sorry for my selfish acts and I am finally starting to grow up. I am, at last, ready to be an adult. I am ready to be good. I'm sorry it took so long and I am sorry you that you were collateral in that path, but I swear to you that I am trying to be better now. I hope you can understand that, even if you won't forgive me. I will understand you either way. I will accept whatever you have in store for me, because it is all I deserve. I can only hope that you will, at least a little, try to understand me."

AN: Self-explanatory, but it's a dark AU on the first film where Elsa DOES accidentally kill Anna before going into exile for years. And during the time, she has some epiphanies. I just randomly got inspired to write this after tracking my own history of anger. I know it's short, but it's just a random drabble I wanted to write, even though it isn't much. Thx to whoever took the time to read it! You rock!