I Sleep With Your Old Shirts And Walk Through This House (Destiel/ Deancas)

I Sleep With Your Old Shirts And Walk Through This House

Sam stretched out, stifling a yawn. He checked the time on his watch and sighed. 2:00 am. This was getting ridiculous, he couldn't just sit there and wait all night. He was going to bed.

He closed the book in front of him and stood to leave but jumped out of his skin when he saw Castiel stood by the bookcase to his left.

"Jesus Cas! Don't do that!" The angel stood confused as he took in the younger Winchester. "Do what?" He finally asked.
"Just appear like that!" Sam sighed as he sat back down.

"Then how do you propose I travel?"
"I dunno, ring a bell? Just let us know you're coming." Castiel furrowed his eyebrows, now even more confused. "But you knew I was coming. I always come." Sam sighed.

"Yeah about that, do you have any idea what time it is?"
"I apologise, I had other matters to attend to. They took longer than expected." Sam knew better than to ask.

The pair remained silent for a moment whilst Castiel shifted uncomfortably.

"How is he?" He finally asked. Sam sighed, this is all he ever really came for. "The same as he always is. He misses you Cas, he tries to put on a brave face and act like he doesn't care but deep down he's broken up."

Cas hung his head in shame. "I miss him too, surely he must know that."
"How can he? Look at it from his perspective, you abandoned him. You just left without saying a word and he's not heard from you in over a year. What's he supposed to think?"

"Sammy?"

Sam's head shot sideways as Dean slowly padded to the doorway half-dressed and mostly still asleep. "Who are you talking to?"
"Uh, nobody."

Dean raised an eyebrow and Sam did his best not to panic. "I was just uh... reading." Dean pulled a confused face.
"Out loud?"

Sam shrugged pushing his exhausted brain to think quickly. "Yeah, I kept reading the same bit over and over. Thought maybe reading allowed might help. It didn't."

Dean just stared at him before shrugging. "Whatever man, just get some sleep."

Sam let out a breath as Dean trudged back towards his room. "You need to speak to him," Sam said as soon as his brother was out of earshot. "I don't think that's a good idea."

"He needs to know what happened. Don't you think you owe him that much?" Sam looked at him incredulously.
"He knows what happened." Cas tried but Sam just shook his head.

"He gets what happened. He understands you had to protect the tablet but he needs to know what happened with you. You just took off, disappeared, left him. Surely he deserves to know why."

Castiel looked down at his shoes before mumbling. "It was good seeing you again Sam."

Before more could be said the angel was gone. Sam sighed and shook his head before heading to bed himself.

Castiel hadn't left quite yet. Despite his better judgement he decided to check on Dean.

It wasn't that he didn't trust Sam but surely he was exaggerating. Dean, his Dean. His strong, brave, selfless, perfect Dean couldn't be in as bad a shape as Sam had said. He realised pretty quickly he was wrong, he was much worse.

He stood silent and invisible in the corner as he watched his beloved.

Dean was sat on his bed crossed legged with his head in his hands. A small sniffle sounded in the silence which broke Castiel's heart.

"God damn it Cas." His voice broke on the last word as he lifted his head, Cas knew instantly that he'd been crying. "I don't know if you can hear me... I mean surely you'd have replied by now if you could. Then again I never was any good at predicting you."

He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "I miss you Cas. I've lost track of the number of times I've said that... I wish I could say it to your face. I know you visit Sam, I know he's keeping you up to date with what we've been doing... Why can't you talk to me? I mean after everything! What happened Cas? What did I do wrong? God, I loved you so much, I still do I-"

He stopped himself, taking a breath to calm the hysteria that was lurking just behind the seemingly calm exterior.

"I just want to know the truth Cas. You can at least give me that, you owe me that much!" He sighed and flopped back on his bed. "Why can't I just let you go?" He whispered.

To Castiel's horror Dean then pulled a t-shirt out from under his pillow, his t-shirt.

Well, technically it was Dean's shirt but whenever Cas had stayed he'd always worn it. Dean used to joke about it always smelling like him no matter how much he washed it.

Whether it was true or not Cas couldn't be sure but he stood in total shock as he watched Dean pull the material close before rolling away from him and facing the wall.