Unveiling Myself

Part 1

These feelings keep eating me up and I want to do something about it, maybe put my ego aside and apologise. Apologise for letting you go, apologise for giving up on us, just apologise for letting you down when you wanted me to hold on.

But then I sit back and reflect and you know what I found out?

That i did not let you down, no, you let me down first.

You did everything for me to take that decision.

You pushed me out yourself and when I left  you acted like I was the villain.

To be honest, it's been a year and I felt great when away from you, I was doing great, so i concluded that i took the right decision, because your absence made me feel free.

But now I'm missing you, and I don't know if it's because I want you back in my life or I'm simply feeling alone and I know you can fill the void in me.

And this is making it hard, because if I just missed you, missed my best friend, missed your presence, missed out long talks, missed the way you were here for me, missed your voice, missed your hugs, missed your reassurance....If I just missed YOU then I could try to mend things up with you.

But what if it's only my loneliness that is making me miss you...then it will be selfish of me to contact you again to make me feel less lonely now and then have my feelings be changed whenever I feel like me again and I just want that freedom and peace that your absence gave me.

So I'm battling with myself to keep me from sending you a text with that "I miss you" to get you back, to get us back where we were, because I just don't know, I'm feeling way too unsure and let me tell you I still care and love you too much to get you in that storm that my head is right now. 

This uncertainty won't get us anywhere.

So maybe it's better to let go of you...

But I miss you...