To Dream Or To Die

To Dream Or To Die - Shortstory

„The only thing that I know,
is that I know nothing."
-René Descartes

"Whats your biggest fear?", she asked.
Her brown hair fell into her face. I knew she wouldnt leave it that way. She didn't.
"My biggest fear?", I looked into her cold, still passionate eyes.
"Thats a big question."

I realized she wouldn't be satisfied with me just telling her that I'm not a big fan of spiders. But what should I tell her then? I never really thought that much about it,
I guess.What is my biggest fear?
What is there, I'm deeply afraid of?

"Ok. Just let me think about how I should explain it", I said,
still not knowing what to tell her.
But suddenly thoughts were swirling
around my head. Thoughts I haven't had for a while. Thoughts I just forgot about. A tear went down my cheek, causing me to feel incredibly embarrassed. But then I burst out crying.

"Think about the moments you wake up, still remembering your dream. Do you know that feeling when you suddenly start seeing the coherences of that dream that you could not see while you were dreaming? You understand the logic. Thinking feels different, feels bigger."

I took a sip of my coke,
secretly waiting for her to answer.
She sat there quietly.

I continued, "I am afraid that this is what death feels like. I am afraid that I wont understand life until I die, that I must wake up to find out and finally get what this, what life, is all about."

She nodded, then stood up, turned around and ran outside the diner. The wind was howling.
It was yelling. Yelling at me?
"Talk to me, Alisa! Where are you going?" I shouted, but the wind started roaring.

She ran and so did I. I didn't know where she was going, but it didn't matter. I needed to follow her, knew she needed me as much as I needed her right now.

She stopped at the old bridge next to the street, turned around and came closer. She laid her cold hands on my cheeks. They were shivering badly. As she caressed my beard stubbles she looked right into my eyes and said:
"Oh dear, do you want to find out?"

I was swamped with the situation and just nodded. She nodded back at me and held my hand. We held on tight.

"Are you ready?", she asked.
"I am", I whispered.

I looked down at the water while she looked up at the sky one last time. At last she squeezed my hand before we both jumped off the bridge.

And then
I woke up.