Fourth and Jude

Simula

He's my first, best, great and true love.

Can you imagine? Possible pala mag-mahal ng tao kahit paulit-ulit at possible din pala na isang tao lang ang magiging kahulugan ng lahat?

"Oo na, g-gusto din kita!" sigaw ko kahit alam ko na hindi lang siya ang makakarinig.

At first, love would bring color to your life. It will change your perspective. It would even make you feel better and also most bitter haha.

Pero totoo nga yung sinabi nila no. A piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved. Kaya natatakot magsimula ulit, maniwala at lalo na mag mahal muli. Kasi alam mo na sa sarili mo na kahit gaano kasakit nagagawang magtiis eh 'di magawa magalit, 'di nagagawang kalimutan.

"Pwede 'bang ako nalang?" I cried so harshly.

And, at some point, begging comes with love. Nakakahiya man aminin. Pero lahat ng nagmamahal ng tunay dumadating sa punto na nagmamakaawa. I witnessed how my dad begged my mom to stay pero she strongly stands with her decision and that is to leave us four.

Hindi ko siya naintindihan nun. I got mad at her. Naisip ko that her love for us was too shallow and that she never really loves us. Pero iba pala talaga nu? Kung pinag kaitan ka ng tadhana na piliin yung taong mahal mo.

Sabi ko pag nag mahal ako, wala akong ka-hati. Hindi ako mag-mamakaawa katulad ni Daddy because it's pure bullshit and pathetic. Bakit ka ba naman mag-mamakaawa sa bagay na hindi naman para sayo? Ang greedy! Bakit hinihiling natin yung mga bagay na hindi naman para sa atin?? Tumaba ako sa lahat ng sinabi ko... kinain ko e, lol.

When you love someone, you chooses them every day ika nga nila. You choose them without any hesitation or in a heart beat. Pero possible din pala na piliin sila kahit hindi araw-araw... kahit isang beses lang sa buhay natin and it would still be called love.

"Minahal mo ba talaga ako?" I asked firmly, as I look at him intently.

Scared at what he might answer. Inabangan ko parin.

It's been long since we last talked. Hindi ko alam kung saan ko nakuha yung lakas ng loob ko to ask him if he really loved me. Pero after all these years, eto yung bumabagabag sakin. I couldn't move on... 

He was the only one I've ever loved and I thought magagawa ko siyang kalimutan. I even prayed na sana hindi lang siya yung nagawa kong mahalin ng ganito...

I hoped for love even if it's not with him..

..even if it's not the same,

I still hope for it. 

Hindi ba pag ikaw nang-iwan hindi dapat masakit? Kasi iniwasan mo e, Bakit ganito? Parang mas masakit..

Ano ba talaga ang masakit? Ang maiwan o mang-iwan? 

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Author's Note: 

Hi guys. This is my first-ever story here in Wattpad. Please support me in my upcoming chapters here in Fourth and Jude! :)) 

Enjoy reading. Thank you! 

- Just.Saint <3