caffeine and dopamine

Chapter 1

"I got nightmares that are better than, everything that's going on"

+++

Jack Merridew shivered, the windy air of Asheton school's rooftop hitting his face with no sign of stopping. Another sleepless night. He had a dimly lit cigarette hanging out of his mouth, letting the bitter taste of familiar smoke enter his mouth and fill his lungs. After a few prolonged moments, he let the smoke gently blow out of his lips, watching the therapeutic trail of dark gray smoke trail upwards to blend in with the all too familiar stark navy hue of midnight skies. The cig he was holding warmed his middle and pointer finger for a few seconds, before he let it rest in between his lips once more. Each inhale burned his throat, but he forgot almost instantaneously about the feeling each time the smoke left his lips. He glared at the dimly glowing waxing gibbous, as it taunted him day after day, reminding him of nights where he had resorted to running up to the rooftop to be greeted with the cold breeze instead of tossing and turning in bed for hours that almost felt like years. He had accepted his inability to sleep, these roof visits becoming a common affair in his tremendously boring life. Used to the feeling of his burning eyes and muddled head, he just continued to stare up at the night sky in unexplainable contempt. The worst part was that he didn't know what kept him awake most of the days.

Sighing, while pitying himself, he flung his phone out of his pocket, tapping on the screen to turn it on. Immediately upon turning on, his eyes were met with the harsh light of the screen, making him flinch and squint his eyes instantaneously. A few notifications littered his lockscreen, which was a simple black screen due to him not wanting to kill his eyes every rooftop trip he took. Upon reading the notification center, it said that he had 200+ new messages in the choir's discord group chat that were all sent a few hours ago, topped with good nights ending the active chat. Holy shit, how do they have so much to talk about? Jack pondered, preparing his mind for the most likely brainless conversations that was held between the boys.

+++

12:01 AM

Robert: did you guys hear

l o t s of transfer students this week

Maurice : oh my gods its the perfect opportunity

i will get a girlfriend no matter what.

Roger : ?

you've been saying that for ages and look where you are

still single as hell

Maurice : ok look. im just SAYING -

like there has to be at least one new girl who wants me yknow?

and them boom i come in and steal her heart

call me mr smooth

Roger : maurice

last girl you tried asking to prom you ended up stuttering at her until she left

Robert : HA i remember that he looked like a dummy

Maurice : shut up shut up i have improved okay

Robert : o wise Maurice, whatever you say

+++

Transfer students? Jack raised his eyebrow in mild interest. Asheton rarely accepted any new students, so this was news for the school. Even if they accepted any students, it was rather in small quantities, not large. Disinterested in the thought after a brief moment, he shut his phone off, giving his eyes sweet relief. Tossing his cig on the stone floor of the rooftop, he stubbed the stick into a pile of ashes that was blown away by the harsh winds. Humming to himself a melancholy tune, he stretched out his stiff legs and carried himself back down towards the dorms.

The way back was devoid of light, however it didn't struck fear inside his mind after the first few trips, knowing that he had walked all the way back countless times accompanied by his shitty phone flashlight. It was more thrilling now, adrenaline hitting his blood by the fact he had to get back without getting caught by authority, which had never happened and probably would never happen. Briskly but quietly, he turned the corner sharply to meet another flight of stairs which he glided down. He wondered how many times he would meet the same set of stairs, how many times he would quickly run down them with the loss of sleep in his system. In all technicalities, he didn't mind, although the lack of sleep really affected his ability to maintain his sanity. (Which wasn't there in the first place, he guessed.) As pathetic as it sounded, it made his sorry life even a little more exciting.

+++

Once opening the door to his all-too-familiar dorm room, marked with a faux gold plated 505 in fancy lettering, his gaze immediately locked with his bed. A plain white pillow accompanied the crumpled dark red sheets of his unmade bed, tempted him to dive headfirst into the cursed place of "rest". His room was also pitch black, blending in with the mysterious hallways at night, however he could still make out a few items in his room due to the dull moonlight washing over the room through a small window. A few of those items were clothes strewn down on the floor without a care in the world, along with some kind of candy wrapper. Ignoring the mess, he brought his attention to the bed again. What good would lying there do anyways. I'll just stare at the ceiling having an existential crisis again.

However, immediately against his dispassionate thinking, he rolled dramatically onto his bed which tangled the warm sheets around his legs until he felt toasty, a nice contrast to the harsh freezing temperatures of the roof. In this angle, he was touched by the ghostly white illumination of the moon, also giving him a perfect view of it. Still glaring at the inanimate thing, angry for its constant taunting, he looked away in a huff. The same feeling of restlessness washed through his body, eliciting a groan of annoyance from Jack. For a second, he thought about doing some late night studying for he really needed to patch up his suffering grades. Tossing his body to stare at the desk, he decided against it out of laziness, and let time take his soul to finally drift into a long-- way too long awaited rest. He wondered if there was anyone else out there that God didn't love enough to let sleep reach their being, dangling it in front of their face and making it torturous for them to grab.