my life got flipped, turned upside down

October 1999

She's hot. It's the middle of October and somehow, for some reason , she's hot. At this point El doesn't even know how to dress herself anymore. One second she's cold (duh, because it's October ), and the next she's sweating buckets and feels the need to peel off every layer she's wearing, which she can't exactly do when she's standing in the middle of a store.

God, she's so over it. She is, of course, incredibly excited for the new direction her life will soon be taking, especially after all the time she and Mike spent trying to get here, but the next four weeks until her due date seem like they're going to be excruciatingly long and she just wants this to be done already. With an irritated huff, she shrugs out of her jacket and throws it into the shopping cart Max is pushing.

Her best friend eyes her warily. "You okay?"

El's eyebrows pull together as she frowns. "I'm hot, my legs hurt, and my back hurts. Just not feeling great."

Max stops her. "We can leave, El, seriously," she says. "I don't want to be here if you don't feel good."

She knows Max is being sincere, but it only irritates her. The two of them never really see each other anymore since the redhead moved back to California. This is Max's last full day in Indiana before she flies home, and El had just wanted to spend it having a fun time together like they used to.

"No, we're supposed to be hanging out," she says, and keeps walking down the aisle of shirts that don't fit her anymore.

Max had come down to visit, knowing that El was nearing the end of her pregnancy and wanting to see her before the baby came. She'd spent a few days in Indianapolis, sleeping on the couch in Mike and El's small and ugly apartment, and then the three of them had made the drive out to Hawkins for the weekend before Max had to fly back on Monday. It had been pretty great so far, but today was just clearly not El's day.

"If you're sure," Max murmurs behind her.

They're in the massive Wal-Mart that had opened up in the area where Starcourt Mall had once been, because Max had made an offhand comment that she was looking to buy a blouse for a job interview she had gotten. El had decided they could make the whole thing a shopping trip, being as her mother-in-law had insisted on giving her fifty dollars to spend.

"Make sure you use it for yourself," Karen had said. "Being a mom is rewarding but it's a lot of work and you deserve a little treat."

If this had been a few years ago El would have tried to refuse, but by now she knows the elder Mrs. Wheeler enough to know that arguing with her about it would be a waste of energy. Still, she doesn't know what to spend it on, so she's wandering aimlessly through the racks of clothes. Max has already found a few shirts she wants and is now accompanying El through the store with a story about some customer who's starting to be a regular at the burger joint she works at.

"-so then he goes up to this other guy and- are you even listening?"

El's staring at another woman that's further down the aisle, casually flicking through the dresses. She's wearing regular clothes, just jeans and a cute sweater, but it makes El so upset to look at her that she has to turn around and walk the other way.

Max calls after her. "Hey, what's wrong?"

El keeps walking. Her eyes burn, and is she really crying over some random person at Wal-Mart wearing jeans and a sweater? What is wrong with her?

"El!" Max manages to stop her in an empty crafts aisle, stocked with all the kinds of balls of yarn you could imagine. El's fully crying now, unable to keep the tide of emotion locked inside.