happier

i hope you're happy

I WATCHED AS HE flirted with her on his video. We'd only broken up a month ago and while I was a complete mess he reflected the stark opposite ― he was thriving.  It was as if nothing happened.

He had moved on just like that. How was it so easy for him to move on? I was beginning to realize how often I'd asked the question.

Last week, when Matt's brother, Nick, had texted me, he said he was sorry. That Matt had already met someone new. His other brother, Chris, wouldn't shut up about her.

She's so sweet. Especially when I accidentally bumped into her at a café. She is also, so pretty. I know it was selfish, but I couldn't help but hope she doesn't make him forget about me. I think he already had.

I'd see him at the store with her ― she had been grabbing strawberries and Matt looked to her like she was the most beautiful thing he'd ever saw. His cheeks had a light pink on them, and his smile was wide, he also had his teeth showing. He looked happy. I'm glad he's happy, but I pray he isn't as happy with her as he was with me.

I remember when he looked at me like that, but he had more love in his eyes, at least I hope. It was as if it was yesterday when I was just lying in bed with him. Watching old Disney movies, eating junk food, and laughing with him.

❛ I hope you're happy
but not like how you were with me ❜

I felt awful for hoping he would come back to me and leave her. I felt selfish and I felt disgusted by those thoughts. If he did that, square one is back. A happy girl, a hopefully happy boy, and a broken girl. It's like it was a cycle that no one could stop.

❛ I'm selfish, I know
I can't let you go ❜

I want him back so bad. So bad that thinking about having him back in my arms tears me apart. I wish he could just look and my eyes and tell me everything was alright, that this was all a dream, and that he wasn't going to leave.

I want that, but I want him to be happy, too. Wasn't he happy with me?

❛ so find someone great ❜

I heard from a few of our other friends she was great, that they were doing well together. I wanted to know if she was better than I was.

Was she better at cuddling? Was she better at cleaning, loving, kissing? What did she have that I didn't? Was it something stupid, like my laugh or the way I chewed?

❛ but don't find no one better
I hope you're happy ❜

No matter how hard I tried, I could never find the answer. I was scared to ask either of them. I was scared to ask my friends too. I was afraid that they would think I was being overdramatic and tell me that I needed to move on like he did. The more I thought about it, the more questions swirled in my head.

The questions just made it all hurt more.

❛ but don't be happier ❜

editors ;; <333
-ILYJUDE
-FOGGER
kennycore

TALIA SPEAKS!
screw my mcyt phase this is now a matt sturniolo sad book! even tho its only two chaps long!