Live

      There once lived a little girl who was very excited to be living. She had many a dream for when she got older. This girl also was quite timid and embarrassed at times. Sometimes she would place blame on herself and get embarrassed even though the fault lied elsewhere. She took little things very seriously and so it wasn't surprising when she became hurt over tiny things. A harsh quip from a friend, unfair treatment from a teacher, a correction from her mother, and many other things brought her to tears. Not in front of people of course, she would first feel numb and push the feelings of hurt deep inside. Then when she was at home all of the hurt would come back and those tears would haunt her. As she grew and got a little older she struggled with feelings of loneliness. She didn't have many friends and most the people she tried to make friends with snubbed her in some sort of way. The friends that she did have tended to leave her in the shadows, forgetting about her existence for another friend who was cooler or better in some way. 

       The girl struggled with interacting with people and felt awfully awkward and vulnerable when trying to communicate with people. So these snubs and minor abandonment left her feeling quite hurt. She tried her best to fit in, but no matter what she seemed to do she seemed to always be the odd one out. Many times she would have felt utterly alone had not some older, kinder girls welcomed her and let her tag along with them. But often there weren't opportunities to follow them and so she ended up on her own. This girl finally broke down and asked God to bless her with friends. It was a plea to no longer feel so alone. Little by little she began to be able to better talk to people. Some of those who had hurt her before became a source of peace and acceptance. She began to be able to not shut herself down and be stuck alone. In some situations the answer was just to look outside herself. She found people who were like her, shunned and ignored by others. People who seemed just as nervous and scared as her. She began to talk to these people. From these people she learned an important lesson, when you feel alone there is often someone else feeling the same way. And you know what happens when two people who are alone begin to become friends? They aren't left out or alone anymore. This girls prayer was answered, but it required effort on her part. She wasn't always successful in talking to people and went through many awkward, embarrassing experiences that were uncomfortable and unhelpful. But because she tried she now has many more friends now then she had back then.    

        Around the same time she encountered someone who challenged her beliefs. They posed many a question she didn't know how to answer. This person who basically put into question everything that she had learned since she had been born was very close to her. That fact made the whole experience quite heart wrenching. The things said left a wound in her heart. Up until that point she had been following the examples of her parents and siblings leaning on their testimonies and faith. But for this that wasn't enough. This girls heart felt like it was missing. Constant doubts began to plague her. She faced this by talking to her father, who's wisdom she trusted. He answered her questions, gave her a tight hug, and sent her forward. 

       This girl didn't tell anyone, but the hole in her heart didn't leave her. It stayed with her, begging to be filled. Unlike some who drop everything when encountering a doubt, she picked up her scriptures every night and continued to pray, hopping, begging that she would find what she was searching for. It took almost a whole year and a whole lot of trust that God was there even though she couldn't hear him and could hear her before she finally found the solution to her problem. A testimony filled that missing piece. As she walked forward in faith that testimony only grew. Many a prayer was answered. When she asked to know what to say the words came to her mind. When she asked questions in her mind offering them up heavenward they were answered, many times months after when studying scriptures. The wait in reviving answers was not hard for her because she trusted that she would receive the answer and if not the question was not important. 

        Many times she found herself receiving blessings when sick and finding that after the blessing the sickness plaguing her didn't feel as intense or as bad as it did before receiving the heavenly help. She walked forward every day believing that whatever Gods will for her was that it would happen and that she only need trust in him and it would all work out. She watched again and again as her prayers were answered and she counted them as her own mini miracles. 

       But she got to a point in her life that she began to be so busy that she found herself spending less time trying to find herself and trying to understand God and his plan for her. She began to lean on distractions to feel like she was entertained and to find enjoyment. Eventually she got so absorbed in other things it seems that she forgot who she was and why she was living. She found herself always thinking of how to entertain herself next that she didn't take the moments that she was given too be alive seriously. They were mindless and even boring. Then one day she was awakened. She found herself so happy with the littlest things. She found that even breathing was pleasant. That was the moment where she realized just how lost she had become. With that realization also came the sheer joy of being free. She did slip back into old habits, only to remember how happy she had felt at being free. Now she hopes to make the freedom last. She realized that it was a gift from God. A chance to begin living again. Life is hard and depressing, conquer it. Life is painful, but it is also beautiful and fulfilling. Life is worth living. So I personally recommend disconnecting from distractions. From things that get you hooked. I encourage stepping back or better yet stepping forward and choosing to live. Live purposefully. And like the girl in the story find the freedom and relief in just living your life and not just letting something else live it for you.