You left for the stars ⭐️ - karlnap

Diary - chapter 1

Karl's POV

I got diagnosed with stage two lung cancer at thirteen, I think I took it fairly well unlike my father and mother as they were sobbing on the floor.
As I watched them I thought why was I not crying at all? Shouldn't this be the worse time in my life? But in reality, it wasn't. It felt familiar in a sense.  As if I knew this whole time my life was surely coming to an abrupt change. Not like puberty of course.

Well, anyways time flew past with multiple surgeries and tons of chemo. I remember this one time I woke up in the hospital, my lungs felt like they were filling up with water, I was breathing erratically. I blinked around as my sight was blocked by my water works. My heartbeat was almost at one hundred. I heard my mom crying out to me. "It's going to be okay sweety." she sniffles to me. "You can let go, if you want."
My eyesight went blurry as I couldn't stay awake anymore.

Then, of course, I woke up in the stupid ICU. Fluid-filled my lungs overnight, the doctors rushed me into surgery and drained it out. I don't think I would be alive at this point if it wasn't for them. If they would just not have saved me.

--

There is this system called wonder wishes, it lets you have three wishes when you have cancer, I guess so when you die your parents thought you had a good life when in reality you weren't.

It wasn't always that bad, sometimes it was good times. Like at Christmas when you wake up and find out you're going to Disney land.

The pictures of me and my family on the fireplace are there for reminders that we all had good times.

I would much rather my family forget about me than remember, it seems if you forget things it's easier to cope with them. I think I learned that that the hard way, more than most at least.

--

Lung cancer sucks, you have to use a nasal cannula just to breathe air, have you seen any normal person with one of those things? No, because it's weird.
At least if I were to die I would wanna die with fashion.

--

I came out to my family as gay when I was 14, they weren't too happy about it for a while, but I think they warmed up to the idea of it.

My father doesn't look at me the same anymore but I think he's just in shock so ill give him a while.

--

"I think you should start keeping a diary." Ms. Williams, my therapist said to me.

I glanced up at her and let out a laugh. "Your Joking right?" She didn't even bat an eye. "It doesn't even matter, I'm going to die anyway." As I looked at my mom she looked speechless. "How could you say such a thing?!" My mother yelled at me, tears forming in her eyes. "At this point, you're never going to get better if you don't quit acting like that!"
She exclaims to me.

I scoffed. "I'm sixteen, I have stage 2 lung cancer and have had it for three years," I commented. Ms. Williams shook her head at me. "I think he's depressed." She lets out a sigh. My mother immediately looks at her. "He doesn't seem depressed." She states. "He sits in his room all day reading books and watching tv, he should be spending time with friends at his age" she folded her hands leaning back in her chair. "I don't have any friends besides Alex and he's in Mexico, visiting his family for the summer." I racked back at her.

"Well, I'm just going to say this- there is an amazing support group downtown that I think you should go to, they are all going through things like you are. Maybe you'd meet some people, you know like get out there." Ms. Williams grabbed a pin and wrote something on a piece of paper that said meadow Brooke support group and then an unknown address.

"You can't be serious right now, right? A support group?! Those are for people that need help and I most certainly do not need help. I'm doing just fine." I said leaning in my chair, how could she say such a thing? Did I need help from strangers? Hell no.

"Look, Mr. Jacobs, if you would like to think about it. Here's the address and the time it starts. Now, please let me know if you will or not." she folds the paper and gives it to me. I let out a deep sigh, what was I getting into?