Destiel Oneshots

No Sweeter Innocence Then Our Gentle Sin (Destiel)

Castiel knew what he was to Dean, the same way he knew the rules, even if they'd never been spoken. The didn't kiss on the lips, unless Dean had one too many drinks, they didn't talk after, Dean would quickly dress and leave, and they never went all the way. Cas had learned quickly not to ask about it after Dean simply left without another word the one time he had.

He wasn't something Dean wanted, he was something Dean needed. An addiction he kept walking back to, a way to punish himself, a force that only strengthened his shame.

He wasn't anything more to Dean and he knew it.

He knew it every time Dean would push his bedroom door open, jacket already being removed. There was never any grace to it or show, it was simply fast. His jacket, his shirt, belt, jeans, boots, everything was removed in seconds, as if even being in Cas's room burned him alive.

If he was drunk Dean would then walk, sometimes stumble to where Cas sat on his bed and kiss him roughly. Pulling the air from Cas' lungs as Dean bruised his lips before shoving him back onto the mattress.

If he was sober he'd simply walk over and push Cas back onto the mattress before sucking hickeys into his neck.

Either way it was always a rough and unforgiving pace, leaving Cas bruised and gasping for breaths. He never minded but at times he couldn't help but think of all the women Dean had been with, was it the same way or was it different? Did Dean slow down and take his time, touch them as if he had heaven at his fingertips and not another form of self destruction.

Did he look them in the eye?

When they were done, a blowjob or a handjob, Dean would dress with his head down and hands shaking.  Then without a word leave as if he'd never been there in the first place.  The first few times Cas had tried to speak, though Dean would always cut him off with a harsh kiss or simply walk out depending on his level of intoxication.

They weren't there to talk.

Some days Cas considered locking the door or turning him away when Dean came into his room. The sex was a punishment for Dean, added onto a long list of self sacrifice and alcoholism, it was another way for him to tear himself apart. There was no pleasure in it and yet every night Cas found himself unable to stop it. He selfishly wanted Dean, in any way he could have him,

Castiel knew what he was to Dean. Nothing.

And yet he couldn't bring himself to care, because to Castiel, Dean was everything.