The Thought Of Losing You

I don't own 'The A List'. That right goes to BBC. I'm not claiming to own 'The A List'. The cover was created using Pic Collage.

An Alex/Petal fanfiction set after season 2, so there are a lot of spoilers for season 2.

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Alex and Petal sat together quietly, neither of them saying a word. Neither of them wanted to break the peaceful yet thoughtful silence. They needed a chance to just think, to just be together in a way that they hadn't yet. This was new, unfamiliar territory, and they both thought that they should allow it to happen without trying to change it.

Alex had nearly lost Petal, and the thought of losing Petal made Alex's lungs feel like they were filled with water and lead. Alex thought and believed that she had lost Petal, and the memories of that fateful day- of all those times, actually- on Peregrine Island. There was the memory of almost every time she had lost Petal, and she didn't know if she could handle of the loss of her. The thought of it- simply the thought- made Alex feel sickly.

Petal had looked deathly pale the time Amber shattered her mind, and Alex had nearly lost it. Alex could have beat Amber to pulp, and Alex doesn't think that Mia could- or would have, for that matter- have stopped her. Alex had never really cared much for anyone at Camp Peregrine, although she had grown fond of Mia and the others. 

But when Petal had come back to them hurt and broken, Alex had to question her morals and debate whether murder was truly that bad. Alex was pretty sure that if she had the time and means to do it, she likely would have impaled Amber. She was pretty sure Mia wouldn't say anything, given the fact that Mia also had unfinished business with Amber at the time.

And then things had changed. Mia, Harry, Petal (most importantly), and some of the others had been pulled away from the island. They'd been taken, and Alex was sure that they were dead, given the fact that no one at the Institute would give any information about them. Alex was stuck in "quarantine," and her friends could be dying somewhere. Everything happened to quick, and then there was radio silence for what felt like months. There were no answers, only more questions.

Where was Amber? What had happened with Midge? Where was Mia? Why were they in quarantine? How long were they going to be in quarantine? Why did no one have answers? Was Amber still a threat? Did there parents know they were there? Where was Petal? Was Petal okay? Was help coming to Peregrine Island? What was Amber? What was special about Peregrine Island?

Alex knew the answer to some of those questions.

Amber had remained roaming free in Peregrine Island. She just roamed around, and no one could stop her (nor did they want to). She couldn't enter the Institute, so it was fine that she wandered wherever she pleased. She could go wherever else she pleased, so it wasn't a top priority issue.

Midge was a more complicated ordeal. She had inhuman powers, so they kept her contained by herself. That was until her mother discovered that Midge flourished around Dev, which meant that she should be exposed to those who remained from Camp in hopes of progress. Midge was a science project to her mother and a dangerous mystery to others.

It turned out that Mia had been sent back home. Mia was told that she was losing her mind, and she was lead to believe that Camp Peregrine was fake. She lived her life at home believing she had been a victim of a mishap, of a terrible accident. She loved Luca and Dev, and she thought they were both fake. She had been lied to and manipulated, and Alex wondered if Mia was going to need a real therapist now.

The quarantine escapade was all a cover. It was a cover for the fact that Amber was dangerous. It was a lie to keep them in the Institute, where they would be safe from Amber. They were not safe, however, from becoming Midge's mother's experiments. The quarantine was a great way to have excuses for constantly needing blood and other samples, all for the sake of a lie that put everyone in danger.

Alex had no idea how long they were supposed to be in quarantine. Alex supposed it was until a cure was found from Midge, everyone died from being test experiments, someone found out about the operation, or until Amber found a way inside. She wasn't sure which one it was supposed to be.

No one had answers because of all the lies. There were to many half truths and lies to put together the pieces. Learning one piece meant learning a different yet fundamental piece wasn't true- whether it be partially or not at all. There was too little information, and most of that information was false.

Amber had been a threat, perhaps even more than a threat. She hurt Petal over and over. She liked hurting people, and she would continue doing it. Then Amber developed feelings and emotions. She felt things like a regular person, and she helped them out before disappearing. Amber hadn't shown herself since they'd left Peregrine Island; Mia and Henry had done some online research to see if they could find her, and they found no traces of her or her existence. But at the time, when Alex was at the Institute, Amber was a threat.

The parents didn't know the truth either. Alex didn't tell them either. They believed she was recovering from trauma. They were under the belief that she was safely healing from the death of a fellow camper at a regular camp, where all the teenagers were well cared for and not being manipulated. Alex didn't want to tell them, knowing fully well they probably wouldn't believe her.

Alex didn't know where Petal was, nor did she know if Petal was still alive. No one told Alex anything, and when Alex had found Mia with Petal, she felt so relieved she could have puked. All Alex ever wanted was to make sure Petal was safe.

No help was coming. Henry, Mia, and a boy posing as a nature lover came on a boat, and everything fell to pieces with that plan. Help was dependent on them doing things themselves, and even that help was questionable. But no federal help or proper help was coming for them.

Amber was... well, an imaginary friend that came to life. She was the daughter that Midge's mother had wanted, until Amber turned into her worst nightmare. Amber had been something inhuman, and she was now as human as they- the campers- were. She had been a queen, a lover, and a controller; now, Alex didn't know what she was, aside from something vaguely more human.

Peregrine Island was special because it was home to tragedies. It was home to a girl who wanted to be what others wanted her to be, a girl denying her sexuality and feelings, a girl stuck in a love triangle and fighting to make others believe her, a girl who was in love with a guy that she wasn't in love with the real her, a guy in love with a girl that didn't believe him, a shattered girl in love with another girl she believed didn't love her, a guy stuck living alone and in love with a girl that might not love him, a guy who was in love with a girl and had been manipulated by a different girl, an imaginary friend that became real, and a team of scientists that saw others as experiments. It was a home to the broken, and the broken stayed in the island, as did dangerous chemicals.

But everything was okay, right here and now. When Petal was here, Alex felt okay.

When they kissed, Alex felt herself become vulnerable in a way she hadn't planned on doing. It was the sweet kisses with Petal and the late night conversations that kept Alex sane. She was equally in love with Petal as Petal was with her. As long as Petal was near her, Alex was safe.

The thought of losing Petal was too much, and Petal pulled her from her thoughts with a kiss. And when Alex kissed her back, all the thoughts of losing her were gone.