I'm from Oregon.....
That's what I said when I went in the convenience store attached to the gas station I stopped at while traveling in Washington. I wouldn't have stopped there at all if it hadn't been for that annoying flashing light and dinging noise from the low gas alert. Normally when I am in the backwards states which require you to pump your own gas, I can rely on somebody else to do that chore, but today, I was alone. And I felt very much alone as I stood in the rain, staring at the hybrid ATM machine that pumped the gas. However I had a little talk with myself (aloud), about my successful working career, my ability to travel through large cities and freeways with more than 2 lanes, and I felt quite competent and world wise as I removed the gas cap from my car and approached the kiosk. I inserted my card, keyed in my zip code, and it said to remove the nozzle and it would start pumping. I removed the nozzle, and put it in the gas tank. Nothing. Not even a noise. I saw that there was a trigger apparatus in the nozzle. Aha! I pushed it, pulled it, and squeezed it, but nothing.
About this time, I saw the message that my transaction had been cancelled. Too slow, huh? Ok, this time, I was ready. I swiped my card, put in my zip code, whipped out the nozzle, put it in the tank, and squeezed the trigger. Nothing. I decided that maybe it was out of Regular, so I switched to the midgrade, and tried that nozzle. Nothing. Again, I got the message that my transaction had been cancelled. Must be that you can't switch grades mid transaction? So I started again. Swipe, zip, nozzle, squeeze.......... Nothing. Ok, it is a plot. The other customers meanwhile were buzzing in, paying, pumping, and leaving, never with so much as a "can I help you"? or even a "what is your problem, you're holding up the line"! They WANT me to look like an ignorant, helpless, befuddled old lady. My dog was pawing frantically at the window, concerned that I was being eaten by the long snake like thing I kept brandishing. I had to give up and get help. That's when I went in the store, and said.......
Hi. I'm from Oregon. In Oregon, the nice young man pumps our gas and washes our windows. We don't get out of the car in the rain to get gas. That's the way we do it in Oregon, where we have no sales tax. I have tried several times and have been unable to persuade your system to dispense fuel. Is there a provision for foreigners to receive Dispensing Assistance? The cute young thing behind the counter snickered and said "Yes, I noticed you had exceeded the maximum transactions, but I thought you had a problem with your card". With my card? My card? I had no problem with my card. I had a problem with a place, right here in the USA where we are pampered at every turn, where an elderly lady such as myself was forced to struggle with a task she was unable to perform, and really had no interest in learning. I inhaled deeply, made the little humming noise that calms me when I feel distress, and asked again. "Would it be asking too much to request assistance from an obviously enlightened person such as yourself, so that I can remove my vehicle from your establishment?"
By now, I counted 13 vehicles lined up behind mine, and horns were starting to blow. I was about ready to blow too. She informed me, in a most patronizing manner, that she would have to complete the sale there inside, as the pump outside would no longer accept my card after having been tried so many times. We settled that matter, and she dashed out quickly to my car, muttering that she wasn't supposed to leave her till but what was she supposed to do, and why did I still have a license anyway? She grabbed the nozzle, flipped up the black dealie under the nozzle, inserted the nozzle in the gas tank, squeezed the trigger, and lo........ the gas flowed. Wait! The black dealie needs to be flipped up? Why doesn't it tell you that? There is no sign saying "Flip up black dealie before squeezing trigger". Why isn't that included in the instructions? Because they don't like Oregon, that's why. Oregon makes them look bad!
When I say I'm from Oregon - I say it with pride. And when Washington residents come to Oregon, I bet they don't complain about that nice young man taking care of their car, pumping the gas, washing the windows. That's the way we do it in Oregon.
