a forced collision.

when the wrong stars collide

"I'm sorry na-late ako..."

I was sitting on a wooden bench – staring at the blue sky when he finally arrived. Kahit kailan talaga, he's always late. Yet I didn't show any disappointment on my face and only gave him a nod as an answer. Ano pa ang silbi kung magagalit pa ako sakanya, diba?

"It's okay. Ayan na ba lahat ng gamit ko sa unit mo?" I pointed at the box that he was holding. Tumango siya habang may isang ngiti sa kanyang mga labi. Pero kahit ga'no pa kalapad ang ngiti niya, kitang-kita ko pa rin ang lungkot sa kanyang mga mata. His eyes were too powerful – it was as if you could already see his feelings deep down.

"Yup... I guess. I think wala naman ako naiwan."

After he gave me the box, he just awkwardly stood there. We were now looking at the wide field of grass in front of us. Kahit kailan pala talaga, this place always brings me at peace. Maybe that's the reason why I decided to meet here. Para kahit kung ano man ang kahihinatnan ng pagtatagpo namin na 'to, maybe this place would help lessen the pain for me.

"Namiss mo dito no?" he asked.

"Ngayon lang ulit ako nakapunta dito e."

"I could still remember the first time you brought me here sa Sunken. You even gave me a whole tour around UPD."

Pero hindi ako nagsalita. Maybe it was his voice – ramdam na ramdam ko yung paghihinayang, yung sakit, lahat.

It was a brief moment that we settled in the cold silence between us. The wind was rustling the leaves. The sunlight was doing its best to touch us under the tree's shade.

"I'm sorry..." he suddenly said and that was the time I finally took the courage to look back at him. His hands were in his pockets, his curly hair was being caressed by the wind, the sunlight shining on his face – somehow reminding me how golden his eyes were. God, he looked so beautiful as ever.

"Ian..." I felt my tongue burn as if his name was something so horrid that saying it out loud can be condemning. The bad kind of butterflies filled my stomach as I felt my eyes urging me to cry.

"This wasn't the ending we hoped for, right? I'm so sorry..."

I tapped the space beside me – telling him to sit. I bumped my shoulder against him – my lips doing their best to curl up into a smile.

"Next week na flight mo to Paris, right? Good luck sa taping n'yo, ha? I know you'll do great. Someday, you'll be one of the best actors in the industry. And besides, don't worry about me. Pangarap mo yan. Ambisyon mo yan. Mundo mo yan. It's not something I would take away from you. So stop thinking that it's your fault."

"There's no more reason to lie, Paolo. I know na me leaving the country isn't the reason why we decided to end this. Whose fault is it then? Yours?"

"Oo. Kasalanan ko. Ako yung nagsabi sa'yo na tapusin na natin 'to. I gave you the opportunity to let go."

"Pero ako pa rin 'yung bumitaw."

Lumingon na ako sakanya, my brows now forming one straight line. Pero agad naman itong nawala nang makita ko ang seryoso niyang mukha. His eyes were almost red – beads of tears now on the corners of his eyes.

I ruffled his hair. "Why are we even arguing about this, Ian? Ano pa ang silbi?"

He shrugged. "I don't know... I got this feeling kase na maybe you have doubts about what he had. Na maybe isipin mo na hindi ako naging masaya sa'yo. Because I did, Pao. I was happy with you. I really did love you."

Did. Minahal mo nga ako, noon at hindi na ngayon. Naging masaya ka nga sa'kin pero kulang yung saya na 'yon. Kulang na kulang kaya tayo napunta sa ganito.