Sometimes I'm not important

How do I start?

I don't know how to describe this feeling.. I feel like nobody wants me or at least no body want me with..
I feel empty without anyone, just alone ..... it's just that I don't have the words to said the way I'm feeling right now.
When I was a kind everyone wants to be with me, even the most popular girls at my school (my school is only for girls).
For being more direct I'm not very good at making friends, for what? I don't know, it's like I don't feel very secure to start a conversation, or went I start at the second the conversation goes to the floor.
I only meet 2 boys that have my age, and are my friends. One of them I recently meet him, but when I start to believe that I liked him, my expectations for being his girlfriend goes away because he lied to me saying that he doesn't have girlfriend and he has.
The other one is not a virtual friend, this is going to sound crazy but he is the ex boyfriend from one friend that is not anymore my friend. Well this not the only thing crazy.... we have been talking for 3 years and we haven't meet. But he is really nice, the only thing is that he is a player and has girlfriend. But he is a very nice person.

The school ends in two months, I don't want to go back to that hell where I only care to 3 girls. literally I'm counting the days and almost hours the get out of there.
When school year began my group of friends was bigger, well a little more because how I say before I'm not the most social person in this world.
We were 5 girls, you know the group up friends that you meet since primary, I really appreciate all of them we were like inseparable, we were always together.
But like they said "everything has an start and an end"
My relationship with this 3 girls over because they stop paying attention to what I said, and they always making jokes about my mistakes it doesn't matter if they would be verbally or by making something. also they make me feel less, that's when I lost the little confidence I had.
The fifteen birthday of one of them was getting closer, she invited all the generation so obviously I was invited.
Their I meet three girls and one boy, this boy was so nice with me... but there was a problem with him.. that he is so secure, that their new friends (me) doesn't care too much because he can make friends very fast.
At this age my family always said that is not very recommended to have boyfriend, because the boys are too hurry to have something with every girl, and we saw all boys handsome.
But to me is the double of difficult to not fall in love with the first who speak beautiful to me. also because I go to girls school!!!
I don't want to remember this guy because I felt in love with him and... hurts just by hearing his name. If you know what I feel when this happens, I know how you feel.
It's easy for others to said "don't think about him" (or her in other cases), because they will never feel the way that we do or simply they forget what it's to be cheated.
But now what I had at the start of the school, it's no longer what it was... not my friends.... not the boys.... and sometimes not me...
It's hard to accept that sometimes is you who sometimes blow up, but as my mom says, when you think that the world is crazy it's because you're crazy.
And it's true... but in my case I stop watching only for my actions, when I looked at my "friends" actions I wasn't wrong.... because they were always laughing about me and they doesn't took seriously what I said.
Also I start watching that they doesn't what me with them, the made plans for going out but obviously without me. in those months most evenings and some nights I cried because I did not know I was doing wrong.
But it wasn't me.... and just a few weeks ago I realized.
When you end reading this you will think "why are you writing this? This doesn't have any sense". this maybe another story for you....but this is some of the reasons why some girls ends cutting her selfs or with some psycho disorder... because the friends are the base for acceptance... we only want to be accepted by our friends and the society and be "normal"!! But there are times that we only see our actions...
But this story doesn't end here...