Just some uhh- Drafts from my notes

•Why?•

"Why do i always feel like this.. I just wanna know why everyone hates me that much, Why do they ignore me like i'm a plague? Why do they look at me like i did a crime that is so illegal people just tell their kids thats how their gonna end up if they act like me.

Why do my parents hate me that much? They say thats how parents show you they love you.. But does hitting, Screaming, Shouting, Beating up show their love? I don't know.. Maybe this is how the world really turns, But.. Will they be happy or glad if one day i just disappear or die? I mean, I won't really feel guilt or sorry for the people who actually cares for me, I've been always so numb.. I never wanted to feel anything.. I don't know how to love cause no one thought me so.

Even my own parents, Is being toxic the love they teach me? Is that how you love someone? By being toxic? Thats all i ever see and encounter from everyone, Even my own family. I don't believe someone is perfect cause no one is, They all make mistakes. Whats the point? People live and die, People will live to suffer and then learn then die.

I don't know if i'm insane or just not normal anymore, I don't think like a kid, I think like a monster. A monster that everyone seem to always read from books and cosplay since its very popular, I'm not the main character at all, I'm just the character that anyone can relate to, Everything feels and seems fake in this world of ours, And people still expect me to live a little..

I don't know if i wanna still live or die, I'm scared to live and die, But i'm more scared to live cause of the people around me, No one really understands me.. I understand that, I'm not normal at some point no one really talks to me, I'm like an outcast. I get used to the bullying, Beating, And just everything.

A part of me that wants to live and die but i mostly want to die more since i'm already tired, Tired of always hearing them screaming my name in anger or sadness, Or even in disgust.

I just wanna give up."