Every day for 6 years.
That's how often you see her, how often you talk to her. Every day for 6 years. You've loved her for 5 of them.
She loves you too.
Every day she tells you that she loves you at least once, and shows you in thousands of other ways, like how she grabs your hand sometimes, or pulls you into her, or the way her face lights up when she sees you across the room.
Her eyes are the colour of a green glass bottle that's been buried on a beach, the colour of pond water, and they're beautiful. Her hair is the darkest parts of the fire, the unburnt wood at the bottom. and curling round itself like the smoke. There's four moles on one side of her face, every time you look at her you want to trace the shape they form.
Sometimes you watch her smile and think you won't be able to stop yourself from kissing her. She is your everything, the light of your life. If you had to go one day without seeing her face, without hearing her voice, or at the very least without seeing the notification on your phone that she's sent you a message, the fact that she's thinking of you is everything.
You're in love with her.
It's the best thing you've ever felt, it's like falling down into a pit but it's relaxing, because you know someone is waiting at the bottom to catch you. It's the peace you feel in the last few seconds before dying, the light ready to engulf you, that final thought before you die. So maybe there was a god, all this time. It's beautiful, and it's incredible.
Then the person there to catch you walks away at the last second. The light fades just as you accept your fate, and every demon in Hell runs forward to meet you.
She loves you.
Just not like that.
Sometimes you watch her smile and think you won't be able to stop yourself from kissing her. But you do stop yourself, because you have to, because that's not what she wants from you.
You will never ask her for anything she doesn't want to give you, because she is more important than you are. She will never know how you feel because you don't want the way you two are to change, because her love and friendship is worth more to you than the 1% chance that she feels the same.
You love the light she brings to your life. You love the demons too. You love everything, because all of it is from her.
Every second of her life is precious. You count yourself lucky that she chooses to spend so many of them with you.
Sometimes you watch her smile and think you won't be able to stop yourself from kissing her. You won't, but it's there in the back of your mind, that temptation.
And on some days you curse her and cry because why is she doing this to you, and how dare she be so beautiful, beautiful beyond the realms of human possibility, and how dare she do everything she does that makes you fall for her so irrevocably. On those same days you thank every deity that may or may not exist for sending her to you.
Fate gone wrong. Soulmates, perpetually platonic.
The way you love so intensely is both a blessing and a curse, and some days it stings more deeply than it should.
But you love her. She loves you. At the end of the day, that's the best anyone could hope for.
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CRINGE
anyway here's the pov playlist that inspired this. listen to it if you want lol.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N-gZeOMrmM8
guys dw about me i'm fine
-v
