You look around to make sure no one is present as you run towards the stream. You fall to your knees and give one last glance around the area. You pull the sleeve of your shirt up to your elbow. You stare at the thin scars on your arm and suck in a breath. You reach into your satchel and pull out a knife. You lean forward, holding your arm out over the stream.
"I can't do this anymore." You whisper, fighting back tears. You slowly place the knife against your skin and close your eyes. You take in a deep breath through your nose and then let it out through your mouth. You bite your quivering lip.
"Y/N, no!" Kili screams. Your eyes fly open and you see Kili running towards you on the opposite side of the stream. You drop the knife and it falls into the water.
Your eyes wide, you stare at Kili and quickly pull your arm back to your waist. You start to pull your sleeve down as Kili jumps over the river.
"What are you doing?" He asks, his eyes wide with panic.
"N-nothing." You stammer, yanking the sleeve down. Kili walks over to you and tries to grab your arm. "N-no." You whisper, struggling to keep your arm where it is. Kili grasps it and wrenches your sleeve up. You close your eyes. "Y/N..." He whispers, voice cracking. "Why? Why are you doing this?" He asks softly. You open your eyes and stare into his tear rimmed eyes. "It doesn't matter." You say, pulling your arm from his grasp. You stand and pull your sleeve down. You give him a quick smile and walk off.
"Y/N, stop!" Kili exclaims, walking after you. He grabs your hand and stops you. He turns you towards him. "Kili-" You start, tears in your eyes. "Y/N, talk to me. Please. I want to help you." He says, putting his hand on the side of your neck. He runs his thumb along your jaw. "Please. Let me help me." He whispers. You sigh and nod, a tear falling from your eye. "Why are you doing this?" He asks, looking to your arm. "Because." You answer quietly, looking to the ground. Kili tips your chin upwards and smiles softly. "That's not an answer, Y/N. What pain can be so bad that you have to hurt yourself to get rid of the pain? That you were about to kill yourself?" He asks, his sad eyes searching yours. "Look at me." You say softly. Kili's gaze travels the length of your body and then settle back on your eyes. "I see a beautiful, sweet, intelligent, caring, and gentle woman." He states softly. You turn away from him and let out a soft cry. "I'm so ugly." You say, putting your face in your hands. "No one cares about me. My family...they don't even care. I don't have anyone. It's pointless. My life is pointless." You cry. Kili puts his hands on your shoulders. "You have me, Y/N. I care about you more than anything. Your life means everything to me." He whispers, his hot breath against your neck. He squeezes your shoulders gently. "Let me help you, Y/N. Please, I want to help you." He states. You turn and look at him. "And I want you to help me." You say, throwing your arms around him. He holds you as you weep in his arms.~
You sit on Kili's bed, your hands in your lap. "What do we do?" You ask as Kili paces the room. "Well, enough with the negative thoughts about yourself. We need to surround you with pessimism ." He states. "Well how do we do that when I'm thinking negative thoughts?" You ask. Kili stops pacing and look at you. He grins and grabs your hand. "I have an idea. Follow me!" He exclaims, pulling you off the bed.
"Where are we going?" You ask as he drags you out of the room. "Your home." He answers.
A few minutes later you're standing in your bedroom. "Do you have paper and an ink pen?" Kili asks. "Yeah, sure." You say, going to your desk drawer. You pull it open and grab the papers and pen. You hand it to him. "Thanks." He murmurs. He leans over your desk, writing. You wander to the window as he scribbles. "Okay, come here." He says. You turn and find him stuffing a piece of paper into his pocket. You shrug and walk over to him. "We're going to put these on your mirror and all around your home, okay?" He says. You look at the paper and a smile uplifts your lips. "What a unique idea." You murmur. You stare at the notes that say "You're beautiful", "You're the sweetest girl I've ever met", "Your heart is one of the most prettiest things ever", "Your smile could light up a dark room", and so on. "You're going to read these and be encouraged." He states. You nudge him with your elbow. "You're pretty sure of yourself." You state, smiling. "Not sure, just optimistic." He grins. "What about the note you stuck in your pocket?" You ask, perking an eyebrow. "That- that was nothing." He says, not meeting your eyes. "Now I have homework for you." Kili says, changing the subject. You groan. "No, no, this will be good and fun." He says. "What is it?" You ask. "I'm staying at your house tonight, just to be sure you're stable. So while I'm here I want you to tell me things you like about yourself. I'll write them down and then we'll put the list somewhere in your house." Kili explains. "Okay, okay, fair enough." You say, nodding. He clasps his hands and smiles. "Great. Let's put these notes somewhere and then get started." He says.~
For the next two months, Kili helps you on to the road of recovery. One day, he knocks on your door. You open and see him holding flowers. "Congratulations on your two month anniversary." He says, smiling. You smile and take them. "Thank you." You say. Kili wraps you up in a hug. "I'm so incredibly proud of you, Y/N." He whispers. "I-I'm proud of myself too." You say. He pulls back. "Is that optimism I hear?" He asks, grinning. You laugh and nod. "Yes." You say. You sober. "I really couldn't of done this without you though. I-I probably would've been dead by now..." You say. "Is that negati-" He says. "No!" You laugh, hitting his shoulder. "Good." He grins. "Thank you, Kili. For everything." You say. He kisses your cheek. "You're welcome." He replies. He looks to the flowers. "You better go put those in water or something." He suggests. "Good idea." You say, walking to the kitchen. You don't notice as he slips away into your room for a minute. You fill up a vase with water and stick the flowers in it. "How're you doing?" Kili asks. "I'm actually doing pretty well. A lot better than the first month." You say. "Nightmare." You shudder. "Well, you stayed strong, Y/N. You're strong." He says. You look up at him and flush. "Well, I better go. I'll back later on." He says. "Oh, okay." You say, smiling. "Thank you for the flowers." You say. He brushes it away. "No problem." He says.~
You walk to your room, the vase in your hands. You put the flowers on the desk and start to walk out of the room when an extra note on the mirror catches your eye. Your eyebrows draw and walk up to it. "Y/N, I love you with all of my heart. You mean more than life to me and I'd be lost without you." You read. "Kili." You breathe. You run out of the room and out of your house. "Kili!" You exclaim, to his figure which is walking away. He stops and slowly turns. "Yes?" He shouts. You run to him and fly into his arms. "I see you found my note." He states, laughing, wrapping his arms around your waist. "I found it." You reply. "And?" He asks. "And I love you too." You weep, burying your face in his shoulder. "I love you so much." You cry. You look at him and kiss him on the lips. "Oh, I love you so much." You breathe. He smiles and leans his forward against yours. "I love you too." He murmurs. "Was that the note you stuffed in your pocket a while back?" You ask. He hesitates and then nods. "So you loved me before these two months?" You ask surprised. "Yes. I loved you way before the two months." He says. "Wow..." You whisper. "Don't sound so surprised." He says, nudging your nose. "You know what?" You say. "What?" Kili asks. "These next months don't seem so hard now." You answer. "That's because you are a strong." He says. "That, and because I have you by my side." You say. "I had nothing to do with it. It was all you. I was just the encouraging you along the way." He says. You hug him tightly. "You're the best encourager in the whole world." You say. "I try." He laughs. "That's not optimism, Kili. That's arrogance." You laugh. "It's good to have a little of both." He murmurs. You roll your eyes and shake your head.
[THE END] I hope you liked it!
