My writing dump

Weightless

A/n- this is based off of a dream I had last night

I used to not believe there was anything after death, I used to think love wasn't real either. That humans were only drawn to each other because of reproduction purposes. So that's why I never gave it any thought, until I met you.

You came into my life very suddenly, we were both still in college when I met you at a party. I found you enchanting, your long black hair, beautiful face and dark skin, chocolate eyes, and the red dress you were wearing that night. I introduced myself to you, and we became friends. I at first only thought of you as a friend, but after a few months I started to feel something more.

I soon found myself believing in love, seeing love every time I saw you. I found myself latching onto the small things about you. Like how you moved your hair behind your ear when you were talking. The way you covered your mouth when you laughed. Or the way you would lean forward when someone talked to you.

I always saw you as beautiful, i personally think I'm average looking. But, I think you saw something in me. You kept hanging out with me, even after I graduated college.

We even became best friends, which was painful to me. You were standing so close yet so far. And I knew that you would never like me the way I like you. But I was addicted to the pain of that knowledge. No matter how many times I tried to distance myself, it was impossible to let someone like you go.

The pain only grew when he came. You looked at him the way I know I looked at you. Like he was everything to you. I could only wish you looked at me that way, but a wish is a wish for a reason. After you two started dating, I tried to move on.

I really did try to move on, I promise. But after you came into my life like a light, then left, I couldn't see in the dark. I went on other dates, experimented with other people. But in the end, I couldn't keep kissing other people pretending they were you.

So, I watched and stood by you as you fell deeper in love with that man everyday. He became to you what you are to me. And I just stood by, he made you happy. I knew that he gives you something I could never give you.

Then, you guys got married. I of course was by your side as I saw that smile on you, that smile I yearned to see. I expected to hate the man she married, but I didn't. I wish I could hate him. She was so happy that day.

Then, you had children, twins. You told me they were my niece and nephew. And they were adorable, they had your eyes. And I was apart of your family, exactly where I was meant to be. And I can't complain because at least I was by your side.

Then, you and your husband get a divorce. Apparently you weren't enough and he was running around with another woman. If anything he wasn't enough for you. I console you for hours.

Four years later, you tell me that you realize it was me all along. I tell you I feel the same way. And for the first time in almost 10 years, I feel whole, and complete. I am exactly where I'm meant to be.

Your kids start to grow up, I helped them with homework and school. I babysit for you when you need a break. We are exactly where we're meant to be. When they reach high school, that's when things change.

You develops an illness. The doctors can't do anything about it. And I swear it almost killed me when you decided to keep smiling for me, for your kids. I don't want you to hide your feelings from me with a smile, as much as I love your smile.

Years past, and I feel like I deteriorate along with you. Your kids go off to college, visiting every holiday. And it's just me and you, the house feels empty. I wish I could put an end to your pain, I hate seeing you in pain. You're only getting worse, you don't even smile anymore. I am selfish, I lay next to you every night praying to whatever higher power there is, that I could get one more day I can spend by your side.

Even though you're sitting right beside me, these days I feel like you aren't even there. Like your body is just an empty shell, but yet I still try to hold on. I still try to hold onto the hope that you will never leave me. And so I continue to lay down next to you every night, being selfish.

And then one day, I wake up and your face is peaceful, you look like your sleeping. But I know better, because there's a sinking feeling in my heart. I intertwine our hands, hoping that I could somehow have another second with you. Because I'm selfish when it comes to you, always wanting more.

They eventually take you away, and I feel lost. What am I supposed to do without you? What am I without you? I would've taken having watch you live a full life with someone else, than leave and be with me. I was fully content with watching.

Why? Why would you leave me like this? So defenseless and lost? Did you think I would be ok without you? Is that why you left?

I find myself wishing I never even met you, because then I wouldn't feel this much pain. Now it's like I'm dead, doing nothing, the days blurring by. I don't remember how long it's been since you abandoned me.

I find myself blaming you. How dare you do this to me? I wish I could leave and not deal being without you. But I need to be there for your kids, and you would be upset if I followed after you so soon. So, I find the strength to get up, and take a shower. I also eat, and I call your kids.

It takes a while, but I slowly start to heal. And I help your kids heal, since they don't have a mother and they don't like their father. So I will stand in for both, until my time comes.

I have never believed in the afterlife, I thought that we were all just nervous systems and hearts. And now, with you even farther from me than before, I have no choice but to hold on to the thought that you're still somewhere out there. I don't know what I would do if you weren't.