Everything ends. That’s a rule and no one can break it.They always wish they could, no one can.
Everybody dies.
He always thinks about it. He did wish to avoid it but he always finds himself thinking about it. When he wakes up he thinks when will he be able to sleep. When he takes a shower he thinks about when his body will get rotten and disappear. When he works he just wants everything to end. The world, the work, the people, even himself…
He regrets these thoughts now.
Now he occasionally does think about her. When he wakes up the next thing he does after
opening his eyes texting her a good morning. When he takes shower the only thing running
on his mind is making a to-do list with the things he's gonna do for her. and when he works... Well, he is still impatient with work. He still wants it to end as soon as possible. He just can't wait to see her. He never could.
He just starved for her and only her. He wanted to eat her for dinner, drink her for joy and even breathe her for living.
But life is as twisted as love and decided that she was just too good for him.
Cancer. Fourth stage. Too late. I’m sorry.
This was what they all said. Not even a little sincerity in their voices. As if they were talking about a random person and not about her. It was fucking her, not the woman waiting outside in the informary. It was her, his anything and everything. How could he say these words so easily?
He just couldn't believe it. What was the cause? Why was it now and not earlier?
Why her and not somebody else?
He watches the news regularly. He knows about the charities. To be honest he never really cared, never would if it wasn't her. He was a selfish man and he knows it. But he sometimes wishes he wouldn't.
He did all the things he could. He searched for treatments, he contacted famous and successful doctors, professors.
But nothing worked.
In the end, all he could do was hold her hand and caress her hair. lights were off and the only light source was the corridor's neon lights. They could hear the coughing and vomiting sounds but neither had the energy to shut the door.
Her eyes were shut and she was breathing slowly. Painfully slow. She was in pain and he couldn't do anything. That thought drives him crazy and insane.
He felt like killing himself. He felt like crying but no sounds nor tears came from his lips and eyes. He was smiling forcefully and humming a lullaby.
She had insomnia. He knows it. The nights she couldn't sleep he would caress her back.
That was a strange habit of hers. She would sleep in a second if he hums a lullaby with it.
She parted her eyes, looked at him. smiled slowly. “You look tired.”
He lifted his head and looked at her. He smiled. “Look who's talking? You look tired.”
She tilted her head a little and her smile grew bigger. “Well I'm dying, so that's natural. Yours
isn't.”
He scolded her a little. Sometimes he just doesn't like how honest and realistic she was.
“Don't say that ever again. It isn't true.” he brushed the coming bad thoughts off his head.
She smirked and his heart skipped a beat.
”What is not true? Me dying or you being tired, cuz
I'm pretty sure I have like a week at most.” she laughed.
Even though she was as pale as a wall, her laugh was still and will always be angelic to him. He gulped. He just can't accept it.
She was right. She was always goddamn right.
She stopped laughing and looked at him again. Her eyes were sparkling. As if she just won a game and was proud of it.
“You're not okay. And I can see that. But I'm okay. Not physically but spiritually. Trust me, I have no regrets. I live my life to the fullest and now we are in after credits. Remember, you told me these things yourself?”
He just wanted to kick himself in the guts.
He remembers. He remembers the days death was just a word that doesn't mean anything to him. The word that he doesn't care.
But death just about to took his entire world.
And it did.
