a journal for my thoughts

affliction.

i still remember everything from that night. the way the glass shattered within. i felt everything shut down. i couldn't let myself experience the pain i was experiencing. i didn't know how to put myself at ease.

i struggle to wake up every morning. i struggle to do simple things. eating. school. going to work. sleeping.

i hate myself. i feel as if i don't deserve anything. maybe i don't. i've been tearing myself apart. i should've tried harder, i should've done more.

but no; i did everything i could. i fought until i was tired. i cried every night for months. i tried really hard to make everything okay. i made it all worse.

       all i ever wanted was for you to see i was worth it and decide to stay. but you never did. and i never was.

i'm going to treatment soon. i'm fucking scared. but i'd rather be somewhere that i know i cannot harm myself mentally or physically.