Hangover

Chapter 1

She was wrapped up in her bedspread with her head pounding, confused as to why she was on her bedroom floor and not in her bed. She squinted trying her best to regain some sort of balance while trying to remember why her equilibrium was thrown off to begin with. She got up slowly, feeling around until she placed her hand on the edge of her bed. She slowly started to lift herself up, using her right hand to lift up off of the floor. She slowly retrieved to her bed while sitting at the end with the heavy comforter still intertwined with her partially dressed body. She shifted putting her elbows on her knees and drawing her hands up to cup her face. She sighed and ran her hands over her face trying to figure this all out. She sat there retracing her steps the best she could. She looked down and saw that she was wearing a NYPD sweatshirt that was a few sizes too big, she was puzzled as to why she had it on, she hadn't worn this particular piece of clothing in years. With the sweatshirt draped over her shoulder and the covers wrapped around her. She tried to focus and to put the night on a timeline. She remembered going out for drinks with Fin, Rollins, Carisi and Amaro. But she didn't remember anything leading up to her coming home. She remember how much the last week had weighed heavy on her emotionally. The squad had been working on a tough case, the entire unit was emotionally worn knowing that this case just would not be in their favor. They all just wanted to drown the past week away with hard liquor, especially, Olivia. She had remembered being chewed out by Chief Dodds for letting the case fall apart and the last thing she wanted to do was think about the course of events that had transpired over the past four days. But her mind was racing, she focused more and she remembered sitting at her desk staring off into space trying her hardest not to remember what happened. But like anything else, Olivia had no control over her mind did. She remembered zoning out and replaying every detail of the case in her head trying to figure out where it went wrong. Then she remembered having a flashback.

When they got the call about two young kids who went missing, she couldn't help but think back to a case where she had worked with her old partner. Although the cases were different, the crimes lingered on the edge of similarity. The case she had worked with her old partner, involved a careered serial rapist, who kidnapped two children. Both brother and sister, Rebecca and Ryan Clifford, after he slaughtered their family. She couldn't help but remember the turn of events that had taken place that day. His named was seared into her memory, Victor Paul Gitano.. Just the thought of his name alone sent chills up her spine. She thinks back to him holding a gun to her partners head, she remembered trying her hardest not to break down as she watched as their final moments together, inevitably consisting of tragedy. She looked into her partner's eyes that day and couldn't help but feel as if she was about to lose more than her partner, but a part of herself as well. She held off her tears that were brimming the edge of her lower lashes and she tried her best to keep composure as well as her partner alive, by talking Gitano out of their current situation. She remembered earlier that day, feeling a sharp pain slice across her throat as she tried to retrieve the young kids from their abductor. She remembered hitting the floor and grasping at her neck. It wasn't long before she heard the heart breaking scream coming from her partner, "Olivia! No!"

She quickly snapped back to reality realizing that the two cases hadn't been that different. In the end she just couldn't shake the fact that both cases seemed to end badly because of her. She lifted her head and told herself that they couldn't win them all. So, she did her best to shake it off, knowing far to well that she wouldn't be able to, not that soon. But she tried anyways. When Nick invited her to go out with the rest of them, she was hesitant, she had been wanting to relieve her sitter Lucy from watching Noah. Before she could respond to his invitation, Nick came close to her and tapped her shoulder lightly. "Liv? You can use a break." He practically whispered.

Olivia paused and thought about going out. She had really wanted to just have a moment to breathe. Everything in her life just seemed so hectic. She had just found out that her adopted son's biological father was a sex trafficker and that had been weighing on her heavily, even after being reassured by Barba that everything would be fine. She thought about her son, and how she so badly just wanted to go and snuggle with him. But then she thought to herself, that she didn't want her son to see her this down. It wasn't fair to him. She talked herself into going out with the squad, thinking if she just relaxed for a few she would be in better shape emotionally to give her boy all the attention he deserved. She paused and thought it over again, but before she knew it, she was retracting her phone from her desk and dialing the young sitter's number.