Complicated

Life sucks

LAYLA

Do you ever feel alone even when there are people around you? I do all the fucking time.

I love being alone; nobody is even in my business or asking me questions I don't want to answer; it's nice.
But I also don't want to be alone; I want to have a relationship with someone.

I want to share my life with someone important. Someone I can trust, but everyone fucking sucks, and they always seem to let me down. When I open up, none seems to give a fuck; they don't want to hear what I have to say; nobody ever really listens to the way I want them to, and it makes me sad.

I think about this as I stare out my window while it rains, and I blast music through my ears.

I love the rain

I love the smell and the sound of rain

It makes me feel good inside and helps me process my feelings on my own since nobody else will listen.

Suddenly I hear a loud knock at my door
I slowly turn my head and take my earbuds
"Yes?" I say as the door opens all the way, revealing my mother in a fancy glittering dress with her makeup caked on.

"I'm going out tonight. Here's some money for pizza." Before I can say anything, she throws money at me and leaves my room, slamming the door as she goes.

Bitch.

I hate my mother. Ok, well, not hate, but I don't like her.

Ever since I was little, she had never really shown me love, especially after my dad left when I was 13. My dad was a fucking asshole. He was an alcoholic who beat my mom and me and cheated on her. I hated him so much, and when he left, I was so glad he was gone.

Now I can have a loving parent that cares about me, now that my dad was gone maybe my mother ould love me like I always wanted her too

but I was wrong

She blamed me for him leaving, said it was all my fault that he left her, and maybe if she didn't have me, they would still be together.

It made me so sad to hear that.

After 13 years of endless abuse, I thought it would end, and I would finally be happy with my mom, but I was wrong again

She never loved me and never will.

After my dad left, my mom began going out more to avoid me. So I had to stay home all alone.

I was left alone with my thoughts and feelings, with nobody there to comfort me.

When she was home, she would drink a lot.

She would constantly blame me for my dad leaving and make me feel worthless. Then, she would destroy the house in a drunken rage only to go out again, leaving me to clean up her mess so she wouldn't get mad when she came back to a messy house.

All I ever wanted was for someone to love me; I longed for any social interaction.

When I was 13, before my dad left, my life had been good at school.

That was the only thing keeping me going, the interaction with my many friends, one of my best friends name was Sarah.

I hate Sarah.

When my dad had left, I only felt like I could tell her about it; she was so supportive and sweet when I told her until I went back to school. Then, I found out she told the whole school what had happened.
She told them I was worthless and selfish, and that's why my dad left me. She spread lies about my family and me, and everyone believed her. My love for social interaction turned rotten as all of my "friends" left me all alone. The rest of middle school was horrible, she and all of my ex-friends constantly bullied me, but I never knew why

How could she be so mean?

What did I do?

I stopped trying to make friends after that and just gave up.

Eventually, the drama died down, and everyone forgot about me, and I fell into the shadows.
When Highschool came around, it was the same.
Nobody knew who I was, and they didn't care.
They all lived their own lives while I sat on the sidelines and watched.

I liked being alone; there was a sense of comfort with myself. However, even though I wanted friends, I pushed those feelings away due to my past experiences with opening up to people.

Life fucking sucks, and people suck. They don't give a shit about you or your problems, so why even try?
I get up from my bed, closing my window, taking the money my mother so generously gave me off the bed.

I clicked the number of my favorite pizza place and called in delivery for pizza.

Later on, the doorbell rang, and I headed downstairs, opening the door for the guy handing him the money, and closing the door.

As I inhale the scent of the delicious cheese pizza, I can't help but wish I could share this with someone.

I finished my dinner and hopped in the shower, did my night routine, threw on a matching pajama shorts set, and laid in my bed.

I set my alarm for 6:20 AM, set it down on my nightstand, and slowly fell asleep.

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Hey guys! This is my first story; I hope you liked the first chapter!