𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫, 𝐋𝐢𝐚𝐫 | 𝐉𝐉 𝐌𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤

10. frankie kruger.

T E N
frankie kruger.

The notion of "the back of my head is none of my business" is one I have embraced for a long time. Because it truly isn't, I can't see it, it doesn't matter to me.

Unless it's got dandruff, that is my business.

But profuse bleeding? None of my business. It'll stop, or I'll bleed out and die. I'm too busy contemplating and drinking to care.

I'm sixteen, sitting in a bathtub, eating the rest of the spaghetti that I didn't throw at Rafe, drinking just straight vodka now, trying not to lean on the back of my head. Little Frankie did not think this would be my reality, even the little idealist I was only a few years ago, she's dead and gone. May she rest in peace.

She wanted to be like Barbie, good at everything. Pretty, capable of being an astronaut, doctor or president. I really thought I'd be the first female president.

I'd be an awful president. I both don't care if people like me and need people to like me. So, people loathing my guts and wanting to assassinate me wouldn't work for me. I'd have a breakdown on day one. As for a doctor or astronaut, the thought of accidentally floating off into the never-ending abyss makes me want to shit myself. And a doctor is too much pressure, I barely keep myself alive.

I just need a rich man that doesn't throw me into coffee tables.

Or woman, men ain't shit anyway.

I'm not crying. You know when something is too depressing to cry, so you just sit catatonic and occasionally laugh. That's where I'm at.

I don't think I have ever felt so alone, despite my phone sitting on the toilet seat where I could contact the half a dozen people I know. Despite my brother living a stone's throw away. Despite it all. I still feel alone.

I don't think you're ever ready for something like this, even if you knew it was coming, even if you kind of brought it on yourself. Because I set him off, I cheated on him. In shows and movies, or when you hear about other people's relationships, and you see or are told someone cheated on someone else, you automatically hate them. They are a terrible person, how could they do something so despicable? I never thought I would be that person who deliberately, and repeatedly cheated on someone; for months. I am the villain in Rafe's story, when he explains what happened, everyone will see me as the despicable person who you hate without a second thought.

Or maybe he'll go the psycho route? Kind of funny, all things considered. While I am not sane, I, personally, don't think I'm crazier than him.

I shift to put the licked-clean bowl of spaghetti bolognese onto the tiles, and feel the blood that covers my upper body crack. I need to do something about that. Still sitting in the bathroom, I pull my clothes off and throw them to the other side of the bathroom. Grabbing the plug from where it sits on the side of the bath, I put that in the drain and turn on the tap. As the initially crystal clear water fills the tub, it begins going a copper colour as my blood mingles with the water.

My knees, elbows and back sting as the water covers them. I slip down a little so everything up to my neck is inside the steamy water.

I shut my eyes, enjoying the warmth. I should've filled it a long time ago, this is nice.

I lean my head back, careful not to actually get the wound in the water, I don't want it to start bleeding again, but enough that I get the bulk of the blood out.

Eventually, the water goes cold and I risk pissing in it, so I get out. I think sitting in cold, pissy water is a low I could not recover from.

My movements are slow, I tend to get dizzy standing up at the best of times, right now is not the best of times. The world goes a little wavy, but not enough to concern me. With a little effort, I get to stand on the bathmat, then look at myself. If that was not a jumpscare I don't know what is. The evidence on my face isn't that obvious, just my lip that has a small crack in it. Although me biting the skin of my lips is not uncommon, so that too isn't a concern. My eyes float up to the scar that cuts its way through my eyebrow, one that Rafe put there. Despite not being touched, it hurts—although my brain is probably a little messed up right now, so that may explain. Still strange.