An Unlikely Duo 2: The Chamber of Secrets

Artemis is just so done and the story hasn't even started yet.

Artemis was absolutely not going to bang his head on his desk.

Nope. Not him.

Why would he? It wasn't as though he was searching for a long-forgotten species, or searching an entire library for a 600+ year old man when he was supposed to be doing his homework. He'd done both of those things before, and had never once felt like slamming the keyboard, or vandalizing his desk.

Then why, WHY was fixing his computer so ridiculously difficult?

"I," Artemis huffed with a screwdriver clenched between his teeth, "Am Artemis Fowl the Second. I am a certified genius with the highest IQ in all of Europe, I have proved the existence of fairies,  beat Stefan Bashkir at chess in 7 moves and published 3 successful romance novels." he gritted out, "I will not be bested by a measly laptop!"

The laptop didn't agree with him.

At this point, you're probably wondering why the great Artemis Fowl can't fix a laptop. 

It's because he's the one who broke it in the first place. And as good as Artemis is at fixing things, he's a lot better at breaking them.

Artemis had been having a very... quiet summer. Two years of research had finally payed off, and Artemis' master plan had begun. Butler had been spending full moon nights next to random oak trees, in hopes of catching a fairy. At first, he had insisted on Artemis coming along too, but after he fell asleep on their first few stakeouts, they both agreed that it was best for him to stay home. They hadn't caught one yet, but that was probably a good thing, seeing as he still hadn't managed to get his hands on the fairy's sacred Book. 

And now, he was working on how to make electronics work at Hogwarts.

Usually he would've figured that out ages ago, but he had run into a small hiccup.

He broke the laptop that held the solution to all of his problems.

The laptop in question is the very same one he had snagged from the Third corridor during his time at Hogwarts. Artemis had been studying it in hopes of learning how to magic-proof his own laptop. But then.... well, Butler happened.

In Butler's defense, it really wasn't his fault. He had startled Artemis in the middle of one of his brainstorming sessions, which is one of the most dangerous things you can do in Fowl Manor. Artemis had somehow managed to flip a table over in his shock, sending the laptop flying. Don't ask him how. A genius works in strange ways. 

Artemis groaned, abandoning the laptop for the time being. He decided to start packing for his second year at Hogwarts. He hadn't bothered heading to Diagon Alley this year, and had instead sent Butler to purchase his supplies instead. And according to Butler, it was a good thing he had done so. Butler had come home raving about some fellow named 'Gilderoy Lockhart' , who was apparently some sort of 'celebrity'. 

"That man is unbearable!" ,Butler had said, "And can you believe that he's going to be teaching at your school? The idiot will be sent blubbering to an asylum by the time you're done with him. The poor fellow has no idea what he's up against." he had stated confidently. 

Artemis had raised an eyebrow, "That bad? Usually you're against that sort of thing."

"Trust me." he had said darkly, "This man deserves it."

Flipping through his Defense Against the Dark Arts books now, he could see what Butler meant. Not a single thing that- that moron had written would hold up in an actual fight!

"A homomorphus charm?" he snorted, "Even Longbottom would know that there's no such thing. Even if there was, it wouldn't work on a werewolf."